A confusing start to the day

Where do I begin today?

When my mind is all over the place.

Trying to be everything to everyone

Trying to please everyone but myself

Trying to understand why one day I am up and the next day down

Why I seem to understand the meaning of life then something comes along and challenges my beliefs and understanding

How one minute I feel so confident about the direction I am going in then very insecrure the next.

Why sometimes fear is my best friend then the next it is my enemy

Some days I just want to stay in bed, not answer the phone, and not talk to anyone because I discover the people I thought were my friends are not

Then on other days I want to be out among people, hearing their accolades and seeing their smiles

Why it is that some days I am a really good mother, wife and friend and others days I am not

Why am I feeling like I can’t begin today

Why am I feeling that today is one of those days when my mind is bombarded by so many thoughts that I don’t know what is a distraction and what is truth

I just don’t know where I am today.

Not even meditation pulled me back from the bombardment of thought

Not even closing my eyes and going inside was I able to silence my mind, quieten my thoughts as I have so many people that are relying on me right now that I don’t even know how to rely on myself because I am so busy trying to be what they expect me to be that I have lost touch with what and who I want to be.

Today is one of those days when fear is my enemy not my friend.

So I am asking the Universe for guidance to help me to focus.

To be in the moment. To not project. To accept fear for what it is and to be still.

Today I am sending out a prayer to help me to be me before I become someone else and do something that does not resonate with me just so I can please others.

Today I am asking for the blessings of the Universe to remind me that life is always going to be up and down because that is how I am growing and learning.

That it will never be smooth sailing all the time and neither will it be easy all the time because if it was than I would stagnant and dissatisfied

To know when my mind is all over the place it is because I am being groomed to move on

To understand that every step I take, every action I make, every word I speak is where I am meant to be

So I am surrendering myself to the confusion I am feeling today, to the unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach to the Universe and the Divine to see where it takes me with faith, love and trust

To allow myself to move through another day on this Earth with gratitude that I have another day to explore my confusion and jumbled thoughts.

So to answer my own question today, where do I begin?

Simply, I begin with gratitude and allow everything else to fall into place – confusing jumbled thoughts and all. Namaste

The magic of the moon

Last night we were treated to the most magnificent moon on our drive back home. A perfect crescent moon. It lay on its back, majestic and seemingly filling the whole night sky. Yellow like the sun. Shining down on us almost like the light of a star guiding us home. As we drove along Ferry Reach looking at the moon almost felt an optical illusion, the closer we got, the further away it became but we still felt like it was so close we could touch it with our bare hands. Feeling like it was touching us with its magnificent light. Oh what a wondrous sight. Bright in an otherwise dark night.

I could not peel my eyes away from the moon as it lit everything around it. Mesmerising.  Its light shining on the black dark still water like a beacon in the night.  The water flat calm. Not a ripple in it as it glowed from the light of the moon. Romantic thoughts. Childhood thoughts flowing through me caused by the perfect still night illuminated by the light of the moon. Running through my head were the nursery rhymes, "The cow jumped over the moon" and "Good night moon". Filling me with joy and peace.

I found myself slowing down to take in the full effect of the crescent moon putting on a show for us as it filled the night sky.Preening for us. Thinking about how even on the darkest night there is light always. Shining down on us. Guiding us. Helping us. Some people on that drive home probably never even saw that moon last night because there were in such a hurry to get to their destination that they probably did not even see the magic of the night. One car pulled over to see the moon. Mesmerised as was I.

I thought about how the sight of that moon held my thoughts, slowed me down, brought out the magic that exists within me and made me realise just how beautiful my Island home is. Just how fortunate I am to live in a place where the moon can act as like guiding star. How blessed I am to feel the light of the moon on me, my family and my Island home. To live in a place where the moon is not obstructed by tall buildings and glaring lights obscuring the light of the moon.

As we rounded the corner and the moon was no longer in front of us, I turned to look at it for as long as I could. At how its closeness had come during the holiday season to show us we are never alone. That even on our darkest night, there is a light to guide us home. A special feeling of belonging filled me up with love and faith. As I inhaled the light of the crescent moon.  Knowing I am a part of this magnificent world. A part of a larger creation and existence.  

I wanted to capture its beauty on camera but then decided it was better captured as a memory in my mind because I would never be able to capture the feeling I felt from the moon on camera but could hold it in my heart forevermore. So I watched as long as I could instead. Letting me know there are some things in life that can never be captured. Instead they need to be experienced and treasured as was the light of the moon last night reminding me to slow down and enjoy the journey because the only destination is death so there is no need to rush to the end but to live as much and as freely as I can.

Namaste to the beauty and majesty of the moon. 

Nelson Mandela

“I have fought against white domination, and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons will live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal for which I hope to live for and to see realized. But my lord, if it needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.” Nelson Mandela.

The world lost a great and powerful man yesterday, Mr. Nelson Mandela. And when I use the word powerful I use it not in the conventional sense but in the spiritual and symbolic sense. Mandela learned that fighting with his fists got him nowhere but fighting with the power of intention and the use of love opened the door to reconciliation and forgiveness. By forgiving himself for all he had done, allowed him to forgive those who had wronged him.

He was a man who symbolized that no one can break our soul unless we allow them. No man can cast stones at us and break our will unless we stand with our chests and heads exposed giving them the opening to break us, maim us. No one can deter us from our goal unless we allow them.

Nelson Mandela also taught us by example the power of forgiveness and the power of being a silent warrior. A man who lived by his words, “Hating clouds the mind. It gets in the way of strategy. Leaders cannot afford to hate." Allowing himself to become a true statesman.

Mandela was not without fault. And neither was he a saint. But a man who managed to transform from a man who believed in violence to achieve his goals to a man who saw there was a greater way to change the world he lived in from the most unlikely place – his prison cell. At the age of 44, Mandela was manacled and placed in a prison for life. He was released at age 71 – some 27 years of his life spent in a single cell. Instead of being bitter toward his oppressors, he moved on with this life saying it was the years he spent in prison that allowed to become a free man. That allowed him to realize the most dangerous shackles we could ever wear are the shackles of our minds.

Mandela learned through imprisonment that no man can imprison another unless he allows himself to be imprisoned. That a physical prison is far easier to deal with and shed than a mental prison. That there are some who walk around as free men who will never know the meaning of freedom because they are imprisoned in their minds and get so caught up in hate and revenge and spite that they never see the beauty of the world around them. Never see the opportunities that present themselves to us each and every day.

Many would have buckled under the oppression imposed upon Mandela but he knew from a young age he was a man sent to do something great – to help liberate his country from apartheid – to help them see that no man regardless of his skin colour is superior to another – that we are all created equal in the eyes of the Creator.

In a moving tribute to Nelson Mandela, President Obama so aptly said, "He no longer belongs to us, he belongs to the ages ... His commitment to transfer power and reconcile with those who jailed him set an example that all humanity should aspire to."

And I second that, I also say he belongs with the angels. With the angels who walk amongst us. Who help us to see no matter what, no matter where, no matter whom, we are one – created in the image of the One Source. Reminding us every once in a while an angel walks this Earth in the physical form becoming a beacon of hope, faith and love. Reminding us from whence we have come and to where we will return. Rest in Peace Sir Nelson Mandela, may your spirit continue to soar amongst us opening our hearts to forgiveness and reconciliation, peace and love, compassion and passion, to understand we are one.

I will always think in reverence of you Sir Nelson for your legacy is that of the peaceful and dignified warrior who looked fear in the face and moved through it and look back at it with appreciation for the gift it gave to you – the gift of self and love. I am so grateful to have shared this human space with you even though we never met, our souls touched in more ways than one.  Namaste.

The gift of life

The gift of life is to live it to its fullest, be who we are from an authentic place and never to forget where we came from and where we are going.

The gift of life is to be kind, sharing, compassionate and to love fully and unconditionally.

The gift of life is waking up every morning and shifting our consciousness even in our darkest hour to one of salvation and one joy.

When we honour our lives and who we are, we recognize we truly have the gift of life within us.

We realize we are here to serve ourselves and each other in the best possible way we can.

We realize we are not here to steal, to cheat, to lie or to stamp on our fellow brothers and sisters.

We understand we are here to support and uphold each other.

And when we recognize this, we understand just how much what one does affects us all. Our energy is from the One Source and permeates throughout our existence making us truly one existence.

There is no need to regret, to forget or to object to our lives. Each circumstance, person and action we experience has been created by the energy that we project.

Think about it. Everything we experience is because of our mindset and thinking.

Even when we feel stagnant or stifled, we have created that energy. That place of darkness and nothingness.

To shift out of that place, we have to step back and access what it is we are doing to stifle our growth. What it is that we are afraid of that is stopping us from becoming so we can be.

We are collectively one nation regardless of where we are and what we are. At the base of it all we all breathe, bleed and function in the same way. It is just our outer appearances that make us different.

When we remember the gift we have every single day of living, only then can we step into our own joy and bring that joy forth to the hearts of others by simply being who we are and being grateful for the gift of life we are given every single day we are living and breathing.

Life truly is the greatest gift we have ever been given so let’s not take it for granted because we are only here for a very short time in the form we are in. So let’s accept our gift and truly live our lives to the fullest, be who we are from an authentic place and never forget where we came from and where we are going.

Living fully, authentically, and compassionately gives us the ability to enjoy and accept our gift - the gift of life.

The beauty of the earth through its extremes

We are truly being treated to the beauty of the Earth we inhabit by witnessing its extremes. Violent rainbows one minute. Beautiful double rainbows the next. Heavy winds followed by calm. Cold temperatures followed by perfect temperatures.

Double rainbows after violent rainstorms gracing our sky to show us after every storm there is always the peace and calm and the beauty of a rainbow. Or two. Something to focus our eyes upon. Something to let us know no matter what there is always something to be grateful for. Always something to wake up for in the morning.

Like the weather, yesterday morning was one of those extreme mornings for me when I was feeling overwhelmed by the darkness and struggled to get myself going. But when I decided to change my mindset and smile, everything around me changed. Felt different. More promising. Everything felt possible. Everything felt reachable. Nothing felt unattainable.

As I was driving my daughter to school, something told me to look up in the sky and there it was faintly at first, the beginnings of a rainbow. I was so excited that I told my daughter to look at the rainbow. At first she didn’t see it because it was so faint so I told her to focus and then she spotted it with excitement as well. As we got closer to her school, the rainbow became more pronounced. More colourful. A bigger part of the sky. Opening itself up for everyone to see. Commanding our attention.

For me the sight of a rainbow always conjures up magic. Always makes me feel there is so much more out there waiting for me when I take the time to observe the world we live in. When I look at my surroundings with appreciation. My smile grew larger on my face. My discontent displaced.

As my daughter was getting out of the car and I had a moment to reflect, that’s when I saw the other rainbow right behind the first one – this one faint as well. But there nonetheless. And I felt so full. So full of life and all its possibility. So full of joy to know in the black heavy clouds, there stood not one but two rainbows showing me that no matter what there is always magic and possibility in the air because I am a part of the greater whole as are the storms and the rainbows. And when I understand I am much more than my physical body, the struggle does not feel as overwhelming. Instead I know it will only last for as long as I allow it to because just like those rainbows that spread across the dark clouds, I understand there is beauty in everything. And I can either focus on the dark black clouds or I can focus on the rainbow that forms as a result. I know which one makes me feel better so the choice is mine to make.

In gratitude to nature for showing me there is so much beauty and abundance that no matter where I find myself, it is up to me to shift my consciousness to see and feel them. And more importantly to be them. And I too will form rainbows after every storm. Namaste

Moving through the temptation of the darkness

This morning was one of those mornings when the darkness tempted me to hide. To stay with it. To revel in it. To not forge ahead but to stay where I was. Deep, and warm in the place of comfort – my bed. Telling me it was no use getting up. No one needed me. No one wanted me. To just stop and stay where I was and I was really tempted to do so. Really tempted to bury my head back under the covers and write the day off. As a matter of fact, for half an hour I did. I succumbed to the call of the darkness and wrapped myself back up in the covers. Trying to keep myself warm, comfortable, in the place where I felt the most comfort, my bed.

I fell asleep for a few restless moments. Then woke with a start. Eyes wide open staring at the minutes flashing by on my clock. Knowing I should be up. Meditating. Writing. Getting myself prepared for the new day but I could not summon the strength nor the will at first. All I wanted was the darkness, the comfort of my bed. Where I could be me and not have to worry about the demands of the outside world.

I lay in bed listening to the cacophony of raindrops beating down on my rooftop, pounding the ground outside. Drowning out the sound of my thoughts. I listened to the rumble of thunder. And shivered as I snuggled up to my husband. And then I knew I could not stay in the darkness anymore. No matter how tempting it was to hide. I had to get up and be grateful for the day. For the new day ahead. For the chance to experience. To grow, to be. And lying in bed trying to hide from the reality of my existence would only delay what was inevitable. So I got up. Casting aside the covers, the darkness and my apprehensions and changed my mindset from one of apathy to one of gratitude. Pulling on my robe to keep me warm, I got up and smiled shifting my whole persona from one of darkens to light with that one small action.

Reminding myself that I am in charge of my feelings, of my destiny. The darkness can only keep me down if I allow it. The light is mine for the taking especially on those days when all I want is to hide. Especially on those days when I am tempted to be shrouded in the darkness so no one can demand anything from me or see me. It is those days when a smile from the inside out can shift my thinking and allow me to embrace the possibility that is always waiting just for me.

It’s silent now. The rain has stopped. The house is still quiet but now I am ready. Ready to go back out into the world to face what needs to be faced with a smile from the inside out because I am here again. Living, breathing and ready with gratitude, fortitude and reverence. Allowing me to be embraced by the light and the all knowing. Namaste.

Our Christmas present comes early

Can you believe we are in the last month of 2013. December, the month of celebration, spirit and love. The time when everything becomes adorned with light and festivity. When people are happy and kind and sharing because the light from within us is exemplified by the light outside of us - from the twinkling Christmas lights on trees, buildings, everywhere they can go. When everything seems to be radiating from a place that we all can relate to – that wonderful and special place of love.

And what a wonderful way to begin this month of reverence to many and to others a time of peace and joy than to attend the Santa Parade last night. The atmosphere was electric. Families, friends, lovers and strangers gathered together last evening for the official beginning of the holiday season with the annual Santa parade. Even the weather cooperated by bringing us a refreshing coolness to let us know winter and Christmas is just around the corner.

The highlight of the evening for my husband, son, sister and me was to see our little girl making her first grand appearance as Little Miss Paradise. As her car approached, my eyes welled up with tears to see my little princess sitting on top of the car waving like it was a natural part of who she is. Like she was born to wave her hand and smile at everyone she saw. To bring joy into the hearts of those who may not have otherwise felt it.

My husband, sister and I gasping at how beautiful and confident she looked. All of us happy for her. Grateful that we are allowing her to be who she is regardless of what we may have thought she should be. Even her big brother thought she was a true princess last night.

I could not help but jump in the street to take her picture, forgetting for a moment that she was my daughter and instead becoming enraptured by this beautiful little girl who is following her dream, taking risks and putting herself out there as someone who knows what she wants and goes for it even at her young age. Totally embarrassing her by standing in the street and stopping the car so I could photograph her. But needing my moment with my daughter.

I was so excited for her that I could not focus the camera. My hands were shaking so much. Thank goodness there were others with a steadier hand who managed to capture the essence of our little princess who is willing to shine her love and light into the world. Many people sent us messages, photos and offers of congratulations as she passed them by.

But what was even more touching to me was when she finished the parade and got out of the car, all she wanted was to hold my hand. To be close to me as if reminding me she is still a little girl who needs a mother, father, brother, family, friends and mentors to be there for her. To help her and to guide her. Not to direct her or take anything away from who she is because she is still growing, still exploring and still fragile in where she can go. I squeezed her hand that much tighter as I blinked back a tear telling my little princess how proud we are of her. As did my husband, sister and son just before she went to sleep last night.

What a way to start the holiday season full of joy, peace and happiness. Thank you to all those who cheered our little girl on, she appreciates it, as do we. She felt your love pouring into her along the way encouraging her to be that much more gracious and grateful for your presence. May your holiday season be as promising our ours.

Happy Monday everyone.