Our children are who they are

Last night while we were having a family dinner out, my daughter asked my husband and I if we try to live our lives through them?

“You mean do we live vicariously through you?” my husband asked.

“What does that mean?” she responded.

“Living our lives through you as you asked,” he answered.

“Yes,” she said.

And after we chatted about life and how fortunate they are to have parents that allow them to explore who they are without the influence of outside people telling us who they should be. Or drawing ideas about what our children should be based on another child’s life; I started really thinking about how important it is for us as parents to allow our children to live their lives. To make mistakes. To go down paths that may not be the paths we would have chosen for them. But paths they feel they need to explore.

As parents we have to be careful about taking over our children’s lives. Taking their identities from them and trying to make them into our own. We have to be careful to let our children be who they are meant to be. Want to be.  Destined to be. Because though they come through us. They are not us. We are the vessels through which they come to this planet. But from the moment they are born, they begin their walk independently from us. And we cannot and should not try to hamper them from becoming who they are. Because they already are.

I can see the importance of allowing my children to develop as individuals just by looking at them and listening to them. I have two very different children. Polar opposites actually. One that loves the limelight. The other who prefers to be behind the scenes. One who is totally creative, outgoing and artsy. Another who is reserved, scientifically minded and very logical. But yet they both came through me. Genes from my husband and me.  Yet they are so different from each other. Demonstrating just how much of an individual each one of us is including my children so why would I want to make them the same? Why would I want them to go down the same path when I see they are very different?

I look at my children and though sometimes I would like for them to take slightly different paths from the ones they seem to be going down, I know I am there only to guide them. Not coerce them. I am there to be an active participant in their lives. To hear their concerns. To help them to reach their own conclusions but I am not there to direct them. Sometimes finding the balance is so hard because we all want our children to have better experiences than we had.

We want them to be the best they can be. But what we have to remember is being the best they can be is not always what we consider to be the best.  To bear in mind that no matter what we do or what plans we have for them, they will always be who they are. And if we ride them too much to be something they are not, they will either crack, rebel or never speak to us again.

That’s why it is so important to spend time with our children. To get to know them and understand them as much as we can. And in doing so, we can be their best advocates for the lives they are meant to lead not the lives we want them to lead. And remembering always our children cannot be something they are not. They cannot be as creative as their friend. As athletic as their friend. As intelligent as their friend. As funny as their friend. The life and soul of the party as their friend. They can only be who they are.

And when we remember our children are who they are and allow them to be who they are, that’s when we give them the wings to fly as high and as far as they are meant to. Because then we understand our children are here to teach us, just as we are them, each one of us has an individual path here in this life and sometimes those paths intersect. And when they intersect as parent and child, that intersection is key to the growth of all of us.

Sometimes in life we are called

Sometimes in life we are called to do something great. Something more than we anticipated even though deep down inside we know we have been preparing for it for a long time. Nudges here and there putting us on the track we are meant to be on. Doors open we least expect. Allowing us to enter into the realm of our true potential.

At first it seems murky, grey and confusing. And often at this stage we are nervous. Questioning whether we can fulfill the tasks we have been called to do. And sometimes we talk ourselves out of what we are meant to do. So we stop and run away. But when we are called, the call returns. Until we answer the call.

The right people turn up in the right places. People we always wanted to work with. Be in the company of suddenly appear on our doorsteps without even being consciously called by us. Forcing us to realize with each intention we send out into the Universe, the stage is being set. The performers are being drawn to us to help us to build and act out on the stage we are meant to act out on.

And then when all the cast is assembled, it is up to us to keep going despite the naysayers. Despite the people who do their best to threaten our best intentions. Because what we have to learn is when we are closest to the prize, the sabotagers appear. Full of dark and menacing energy. Destroyers of the game assemble to keep us down in the trenches. Second guessing ourselves. Rendering us afraid to stick our necks out above the rest. Trying to keep us complacent. Hiding where we think it's safe.

They want us to be in the middle of the chaos. To remain mediocre and not buck the system because they know if we do, their true intent will be revealed. To hoard for themselves . To keep others down. In their place. Not up where there is room to breathe. Where the sun never sets. Where there is enough for everyone to go around. No, they want us to remain in the chaos where there is deprivation, fear and lack. Because if we stay in there, we will never see life is leading each one of us to do what we came here to do. Depriving ourselves of ever knowing our strength.

So when we are called,  it means being brave enough to step up, and out of the box into the wide open space where there is no box to keep us contained. Where there are no limitations to who we are and what we are because in this space we accept we are a part of a much greater plan. A plan of unity, peace and love. A plan of abundance, faith, hope and belief. A plan where we accept we are all in this together. United we stand. Divided we fall.

And when we are being led to a greater calling, it is the Universe’s way of showing gratitude to us. Therefore we must answer that call in order to spread the divine rights of abundance, choice and faith. Because there are some of us who are being called right now by a force greater than us but is within us all to bring us back together as one.

Are you ready? I know I am ready to enter the realm of my true potential despite the naysayers, despite the scaremongering and role playing. There is nothing more powerful than authenticity, love and light. Nothing more empowering than sharing what we have with those who have not. Answering the call of the Divine Universe with gratitude, hope, love, light and the best intentions. With honour and grace. Namaste

A rare and serious disorder called PMA

Keith, the taxi driver and owner of the taxi company, really made my day yesterday morning when he drove me and my colleague to the airport.

He is a Scotsman with a wicked sense of humor. Dry, deadpan face but with a twinkle in his eye that lets you know he is not as hard as his exterior projects. He told us he suffers from a disorder called PMA.

“What is PMA?” we both asked.

“Positive Mental Attitude,” he said just as dead pan as he could. My colleague and I collapsing in laughter.

“Seriously ,” Keith said. “There aren’t very many people with this disorder. Most people walk around with the attitude the glass is half empty.  No matter how bright it may be, they just can’t see it. But on the other hand, I always feel positive about everything. A rare disorder I am proud to have.”

My colleague and I were laughing so hard we could hardly breathe. But despite his sarcasm his statement is so true. Leading us into a satirical yet philosophical conversation about the way people view life.

He told us about clients that get into his taxi sometimes insisting they sit in the front seat right next to him and no matter how hard he tries, he can’t engage them in conversation. They look straight ahead as if he is not even there. They are as hard as stones. Expressionless. Making his job that much more difficult. And the journey seem much longer than it really is.

My colleague told a story about how he permanently has a smile on his face and some people like it while others think something is wrong with him. He walks around with a smile and as most of us know smiles are infectious because deep down inside we all want a laugh. We all want something to take us out of those times when life seems too difficult or too mundane for words. When someone smiles, we instantly feel better. Warming our hearts.  But there are some who interpret a smile as an attack on their right to be miserable.

Which led Keith to say that his face is deceiving. He is always happy but somehow that feeling of happiness does not reach his face. His face is just one of those serious faces but on the inside he is always happy. Cracking us up again.

The ride to the airport flew by in what felt like seconds when in fact it took just a little over an hour. Proving to me that when we view life from its humourous side, when we stop taking ourselves too seriously, and when we allow ourselves to laugh out loud, we really can see the bright side of things. We really can enjoy life because we begin to see the humour in everything. That life really does have a bright and cheerful side when we let it in.

So if you are ever flying to Gatwick and need a taxi, I would highly recommend calling Keith at Airport Taxi Service +441784461444. He runs the taxi company and is one of the most intelligent and funny people I have ever met. And even better, he suffers from a rare and serious disorder called PMA. Guaranteed to make you laugh out loud. 

Stepping out of the victim-perpetrator dualism mentality

Last night a colleague and I went to dinner as we were the last two left from our meetings and we ended up having a philosophical conversation about life and circumstances.
After our dinner and while I was contemplating life and our conversation, something he said to me came back to me loud and clear. And what he said was he never looks at himself as a victim regardless of what has happened to him, happens to him or will happen to him. He looks at everything with a sense of happiness. He does not allow his circumstances to dictate who he is regardless of how hopeless his situation may seem. He remains as positive as he can that things will work out as they are meant to and as such they often do.
He also said he is very grateful for where he is in life considering from whence he has come. His life circumstances as a child not being as picture perfect as depicted in fairy tales. But he coped and learned never to think of himself as a victim. A philosophy I share totally.
And though I admired him for saying this, I did not fully comprehend why we had had dinner together until much later last night. When I was alone in my room upset about the way certain things in my life are unfolding.  And asking for guidance as to how to deal with these situatons that keep resurfacing. And it was during my period of contemplation that I received my answer.
What came to me was no matter how people treat us. No matter what we have been through. We have been given these circumstances to allow us to grow into better people. We have been given these circumstances because we asked for them. Came here to learn them and every so often when we lose our way, an angel appears in the least expected way to remind us of why we are here and what we are here to do.
Last night my angel came in the unexpected form of my colleague. Reminding me regardless of what circumstances I find myself in, it is up to me to choose how to feel. How to respond. To decide what makes me happy. And more importantly to accept I cannot change the way another person feels or thinks. All I can do is change the way I respond to them. And only in this way can I take myself out of being the victim, looking for someone to blame for the choices I have made, putting me in the situations I find most uncomfortable.
And when I do my whole outlook changes, the sadness lifts and the victim mentality shifts away. Allowing me to regain the power I need to remember I am the creator of my life, the circumstances I find myself in.  To know there is no use in blaming others for how I feel because it is not them that make me feel this way. It is me taking on their energy and trying to shift it to suit me. In doing so I become a victim of their circumstances rather than the creator of my own story.
And for my dinner with my colleague preparing me to change my way of thinking from victim to creator of my story, I am truly grateful. Reminding me always, our past is a part of who we are but it does not have to define us or limit our potential. At some point in our lives, we have been the victim as we have been the perpetrator and the reason this happens is to allow us to see both sides of the equation. To learn compassion. To learn to redefine the lines of our lives so that we can limit the amount of times we fall into the victim-perpetrator dualism, to borrow this phrase I love coined by Louise Hay.  Ultimately paving the way for us to stop the cycle of seeing ourselves as victims and thus taking on the form of the aggressor/perpetrator because at some point in our lives we felt we were victims.
But when we continuously paint ourselves as victims by believing we are not worthy of the abundance freely available to us, we will find we fall into the victim-perpetrator dualism more than we need to be. Because we falsely believe we have to get back at those who wronged us by becoming the perpetrators so we lash out at those who chose not to allow circumstances to define them. Instead of learning from them. Instead of seeing these people look at circumstances as opportunities for growth so they embrace them. We fail to see that regardless of the outcome, our role is not to become the victim or the perpetrator.
At some point in our lives we have to stop victimising others because we were victims once in our lives as Edward W. Said once said. There has to be a limit so let's just get on with living from a place of gratitude, faith and hope. Life is full of joy, abundance, love and light when we choose to see it from the viewpoint of the glass is full of all we want and need. Not empty from us being so blinded by lack, we miss seeing all the glass has on offer just for us.
So what will it be victim or creator? Lack or abundance? It's up to us to choose. Life is all about the choices we make. The roles we assume. The lessons we learn. It is all about how we choose to redefine the lines of our lives. Not the lines of the lives of others. And for this lesson I am truly grateful. Namaste.

The importance of sleep

My  body clock is all mixed up. My whole being is exhausted. Tiredness is something that can really mess with the mind, body and spirit. Sending us into panic mood. And sometimes to a place where we  cannot concentrate nor can we exist properly. And I also discovered yesterday that tiredness makes us want to eat all the time because our bodies desperately need calories to keep us going.
Sleep is very important for us and it is something we take for granted. When we don't sleep enough, our whole outlook changes. Whereas we may normally be calm when we don't sleep enough we tend to become short fused. Reacting to everything after the fact rather than being able to anticipate what is coming. And acting accordingly.
When we give ourselves time to sleep our whole being appreciates it because sleep allows our mind, body and spirit the time to recuperate. Time to go to that place of the in between where dreams, memories and thoughts are able to meet. When we allow ourselves to drift into the world where all of the answers to who, why and what we are all about exists.
Therefore it is very important for us to connect to that place because if we don't we start to lose touch with who we are and why we are causing us to become defensiveness, restless and reactive. Sleep allows us to reconnect with our essence selves and the all knowing. Which in turn fuels our self confidence allowing us to project the best aspects of ourselves rather than our deprived selves.
This morning I woke up in a tizzy because I overslept. Instead of getting up at 6 I woke up at 7.30! And instantly I started to panic because I had not given myself the time to have quiet time before having to rush off to meetings. But my mind, body and spirit was truly appreciative of the rest. And I decided I would not rush around. I would just allow myself to wake up naturally. To write what came to me. To let the morning flow and to accept I am where I am meant to be and this time is the time I was supposed to come out of my inner world. My world of in between.
To accept the gift the Universe gave me of the extra hour and a half of sleep because obviously I needed it. And when I did, a calmness came over me.  And I was able to accept my mind, body and spirit needed the rest particularly since I had not fallen asleep the night before until 1.45 in the morning. I had gone beyond tired into that place where my body was shaking, my mind was racing and my spirit was at wits end with me.
But I resisted my body telling me I needed to rest and instead answered emails from back home for work until my body could not take it any more. But my essence self trumped me this morning because it forced me into a deep sleep not allowing me to wake up until 7.30 this morning.
So despite my initial panic when I woke up, I am truly grateful for the rest I got. I could probably sleep for a few more hours if I allowed myself to but I know I can't because I have to go to the next set of meetings but at least today I can go with a clearer mind than I did yesterday.Because I was able to go to the place where my mind, body and spirit got to replenish themselves because they were allowed to drift in that place of the in between. The place where all the why, what and how comes reside.
And beauty of fuelling my body with rest, hopefully I won't eat as much as I did yesterday. And the sugar won't call my name as much because I rested. One can only hope.
Sleep is so very important for us because if we give ourselves time to refuel, eventually it will be done for us and not at the time when it is appropriate either. And for my lesson on the importance of sleep and rest, I am truly grateful.

Time is a funny thing

Time is a funny thing. It marches on at its own pace. Its own beat. It speeds up for no one. Slows down for no one. It just is what it is. Time ticking on. Effortlessly.

Yet when we wait for it or on it, it seems to take forever. The seconds feeling like hours. Minutes like days. Hours like years. Forcing us to become frustrated. Irritated. Impatient. Trying to adjust that which we cannot. Because time just is. Not meant to be hurried nor slowed. Just ticking on at its own pace. It is what it is.

Last night I flew from Bermuda to London and managed to sleep for a good 4 hours or so and then I was awake. Restless.Waiting for time. Drifting in and out of sleep. Checking my watch each time I woke up to see how much time had passed. Frustrated when only 5 minutes had gone by when I felt like it had been hours. Until I accepted time was not going to be hurried by me. So I decided not to keep watching the time but to just accept being on an airplane is beyond my control as to how time goes by.

And what was even stranger was when I lifted up the window shade to look outside there was this star that seemed to follow us. Making it appear as if we were stationary rather than moving. The scenery not changing outside. So it seemed. Making time feel even more so like it was standing still. Making me feel like my journey across the Atlantic was taking longer than normal.

In exasperation, I decided to give in to time. To not try to control it but to use it. So I got up and got down my lap top to write about time and how it is skewed by our perception of it. How when we let life happen, time operates in its own time. When we let go and go with the flow, time is as it should be. Neither rushed nor slowed. Its pace just what we need to get through. It just is.

But when we try to adjust time, rush it or slow it down, it always does the opposite. Letting us know it is something we cannot control. That all we can control is our expectations and perceptions of it.

Just like I know the airplane was moving through the sky but because of the star that seemed to follow us, my mind believed we were not moving and that time was standing still. When in fact we were moving and so was time. And even we choose not to keep pace, time will continue to move on. So I decided to use my time wisely. To write. To go with it and before I knew it,time sped up.

Allowing me to accept time is a funny thing. Not something we can control. Not something we can place expectations on. It just is and the more we learn to use it wisely without trying to force it, the better our use of it will be. Time is always on our side when we accept it is what it is. Time. Definitely marches to its own beat. With or without us.

And it doesn't stop until we stop but then it is just for us because it still continues for those who remain. Time makes its own time in its own way every single second of every single day.

A true neighbourhood formed after the fire

After unexpected and shocking events, there is usually something good that happens as did for us this weekend. Last week, we were battling a fire that threatened to consume our home. Last week our neighbour was raising the alarm to get the firemen to save out home.

Last week we barely knew our neighbours. As we were so busy hustling and bustling to go about our daily lives, we had not found the time to reach out to each other. The fire has changed that. Two of our male neighbours were on the scene of the fire shortly after my husband arrived home. One called by his wife who had raised the alarm. The other by them.

Later that evening they both came by our home to check on us to make sure everything was okay. To ask if we needed anything. One neighbour concerned that we may not have a place to stay because the smoke and fire had been so bad when they had been at our home in the morning.  Offering help if we needed it. All of us agreeing we needed to have each other’s contact details so we could get in touch without difficulty should be there another emergency. Strangers no more. Connected by a fire.

And then Saturday evening we were invited to our neighbour’s house, the one who raised the alarm, for drinks. We sat out on their porch with the other male neighbor who had come to check on us and his wife. The six of us drinking wine and chatting like we were long lost friends. Brought together by an event that could have changed all our lives. Fire.

As we sat and talked, our female neighbour telling us how the flames were so high she thought the whole neighbourhood was going to go up in flames. How she was panicking about getting the animals out, I realised we had all been brought together in this neighbourhood for a reason. The reason is to once again establish ourselves as a neighbourhood where the children can roam from house to house. Where all of us know someone has our back.

As I looked from face to face of our new neighbours while our children ran in and out, I felt like I had taken a step back in time to a place when neighbourhoods were neighbourhoods. When everyone knew what was going on. When there was no problem asking neighbours for help. And I knew why our female neighbour was the one who spotted the fire. It was because she was the one who was capable of connecting us all to each other. She was the one who was could bring us all together. And she did.

As I sat in the rocking chair of our neighbour’s home, the barriers coming down between us as we talked, I knew that fire was sent not to destroy but to connect. To open us up to become the neighbourhood we were meant to become. Our little cul de sac of four homes now truly a cul de sac of neighbours.  Not strangers anymore.  A place where we know regardless of what happens we will be there for each other.

 And for the coming of the fire to burn down the walls of isolation of our neighbourhood and replace them with open space for us to become connected neighbours I am truly grateful.