The best laid plans go to waste

Sometimes life does not turn out the way we expect. You know the old cliché "the best laid plans go to waste" is so true. What I am realizing more and more each day is that in order to feel good about where I am, I just have to let go of what I thought was so and embrace what is.  And when I do, I feel like I have liberated myself from something I did not even know was holding  me back.

When I acknowledge to myself that there is no perfect way to do anything. There is always the possibility that what I wanted is not really what is meant for me. When I stop resisting what is, that’s when what is meant to be, happens. But it only happens when I stop beating the dead horse. When I stop trying to force the key into the wrong lock. When the key breaks and I am left on the outside of the door rather than inside where all is well.

I find that when I trust and have faith in the Universe that’s when I feel such deep and heartfelt contentment with my life. When I am able to open doors freely. Discovering there was no key needed to open them in the first place. All that was needed was for me to be true to who I am. When I get still and listen to my innermost self I am gifted with a treasure greater than I ever expected. Greater than I ever dreamed possible.

I find that when I striving for something that I know deep down inside does not feel right to me, I struggle. I feel like I am banging my head up against the wall. I feel frustrated with my lack of progress.  So I keep banging my head up against the wall.  Until the wall crumbles. Leaving me standing looking at the mess of the wall. Realizing the outcome was not what I wanted in the first place. That the mess is greater than the wall that was there trying to stop me from going down the path not meant for me.

But when I listen to my inner most thoughts, when I surrender to all that is, I am always given what is best for me.  Best for my growth. Best for my character. Best for my spirit. And when I surrender and accept the locked door or the wall in front of me was placed there as a detour to change my path, there is nothing greater than the joy and satisfaction that come with it. But it only comes when I trust, let go and go with the flow.

And when I show gratitude for even the most perceived mundane gifts that come my way, my joy and satisfaction intensify because I know each one is sent to help me to grow.  When I follow my higher instincts and listen to my heart, I am always in the rhythm of life, the natural flow where there are no locked doors or walls to keep me out of where I am meant to be. Instead I go with my flow which is in turn the flow of the Universe. Allowing me to accept I am where I am meant to be. To embrace what is. Where I am right now. Opening me up to possibility, spirit,the gifts, treasures and abundance of the Universe. And for this lesson I am truly grateful. Namaste.

In the richness of the Supermoon

Sunday night I stood in the window when I got home from the Miss Bermuda contest mesmerized by the large moon that was sitting right outside my bedroom window. Beckoning me. Calling my name. Asking me to stand in its light. So I did. I stood for quite some time enraptured by the light of this “super moon” as it has been dubbed by many. Feeling like I could touch it. Like I could feel its magic. Its immenseness closer to me than ever. I whispered a prayer to it and to the Universe. And then I went to bed. Full of all that is, was and ever will be.

I woke up yesterday morning a bit later than usual but was drawn to the bathroom window and there was the moon.  As if it was waiting for me. Shining so bright it almost seemed like the sun.  It was a bit lower in the dawn sky than it had been in its night sky. But still holding court as if it was not ready to let go off its might. Despite being  somewhat obscured by the trees,  its light and fullness were not ready to be hidden from my sight. I could feel it still. Haunting. Drawing. Mysterious. Its immenseness once again calling my name. Drawing me in. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. Breathing in its might. Its light. Again enraptured by  its pull.

Feeling its energy coursing through me, I thanked the Universe for all that is, was and ever will be once again. And then I opened my eyes and exhaled.

During my meditation I felt the fullness of the moon. The richness of life radiate throughout my whole being. And when I opened my eyes, I felt the presence of life’s balance as I sat between the rising light of the sun on my left eastern side while the moon still clung on in the dawn light on my right western side. Perfectly exemplifying the yin and yang of life. The male female pull. The night giving way to the light. All while I felt solidly anchored in the middle. In the space where all is balanced and right. Where there is always white light. Where all the colours of the world. Of our minds are absorbed into one. White light. Snuffing out any darkness. Any pain. Any fear. All gone. Replaced by the perfection of being in the presence of the white light.

I allowed myself to surrender in that moment. Breathing in the essence of the space between the retiring super moon and the rising morning sun. Accepting the dichotomy of endings and beginnings. Leaving space for me to hear the voice of the Divine telling me to stay rooted and all will be revealed to me. When the time is right.

I could feel my being vibrating in that space of white light. As my mind expanded to see and feel the perfect balance of the world we currently exist in.Illustrated by the night moon holding court in the West as the day light sun rose in the East. Fully feeling the presence of the all knowing, the One Source, the Force greater than us all but is within us all giving me a glimpse into the perfection from which we all emanate.

Filling me to the brim with gratitude, love and white light. Allowing me to wake this morning with its memory still imprinted on my brain. Its essence still flowing through my being. Knowing I am of that light. Of that beginning and of that end. As are you. As are we. As are us all. Namaste super moon. Namaste all that is, was and ever will be. In the richness of the super moon. In the dawning of the morning light. Amen.

Congratulations Echaunti Swan, Bermuda's first Miss Hospitality

This morning I woke up a little later than usual but with good reason, my daughter and I along with my sister and brother and his wife and his wife’s family as well as a host of friends attended the Miss Bermuda contest last night to cheer on our niece, daughter, granddaughter, cousin and friend as she represented the parish of Hamilton Parish.

From the moment she entered the stage, she carried herself like she owned that stage. Her enthusiasm, confidence and that certain “je nais se quoi” that either we have or not exuded from the stage. Capturing our attention each time she walked on.  I am not saying this because she is my niece. I am saying it because my niece has always been confident about who she is. More sure of herself than some who are well into their lives have ever been or ever will be. And she is only in her early twenties! She has a head start in life she is not even aware of yet. The power of confidence mixed with compassion she has is unmatched in its combination and force.

And the reason she is the way she is because she has parents who have encouraged her from the start. Told her she was beautiful. Told her she was smart. That she was the entire package. And never discouraged her from pursuing any of her dreams regardless of whether she fit the role entirely or not. And as a result of this, she has always been able to “lean in” to coin the phrase I now get from Sheryl Sandberg. Echaunti Swan, my niece, is a great role model for young ladies because she puts herself out there all the time.

She does not hide from who she is nor does she allow anyone else to take who she is away from her. She does not lean out. She leans in with the greatest of presence. And when the night ended last night all of her dreams were not fulfilled because she really wanted to win the Miss Bermuda contest. With her saying ,”I was so close”.

In my eyes, she won more than she ever could have with the crown, she won the hearts of the people. And that is something so rare. She walked away with the first Miss Hospitality, Miss Congeniality and First Runner Up in a contest that shows not only that looks matter to a certain extent. But it also showed to be successful young ladies must be able to command the stage, be who they are right here right now and be able to show they are capable of “leaning in”.

I always thought being in a beauty contest was absolute folly until last night when I saw something in my niece that is so lacking in our world right now, the light of possibility and abundance shining through in her eyes. The presence of the Source radiating from every bit of her inner spirit pulling us, drawing us all in. To my niece Echaunti Swan, daughter of my brother Eddie Swan and his wife Lisa Swan, granddaughter to Mrs. Elizabeth Davis, niece of Sharon and Scott, and niece, cousin and friend to many others we know you are about to enter the world stage with so much learnt from your experiences thus far in life culminating in you not getting the top prize last night but in you seeing and believing in who you are and embracing you. Allowing you to open yourself to possibility and grace.

Good luck Echaunti with the rest of your life. You've only just begun.

And more importantly, you have been given a gift from the Universe in taking you so close to what you wanted but not quite giving it to you yet because you are being prepared for something greater. You are being led to exactly where you need to go. To be. To see. And when you see it and be it there will be no stopping you then. And we are all rooting for you.

My well wishes also to the winner of the Miss Bermuda Contest, Miss Smiths Parish, Katherine Arnfield and to all of other contestants who were brave enough to walk the plank as the saying goes. Good luck to you all.

God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves

I had a restless night last night. I find that whenever there is a pivotal full moon approaching as is the one tomorrow night, my brain gets scrambled. Full of thoughts, people, events that are in the deepest recesses of my brain. I see them clearly. Hear them in my dream almost as if I am awake. And then I can’t decide if I am awake or asleep. I wake up in hot sweats. Not just from menopause but from life itself and my thoughts.

So this morning when I woke up or decided I had had enough of being on bed, I got up to the joyful noise of the birds. Their music always makes me smile. Always makes me feel better because it tells me life is moving on and I am still blessed to be a part of it.

But this morning even with the rhythm of life playing out around me, I felt a bit sad and confused by certain actions that people have been taking of late. People who know exactly what they are doing to manipulate in order to become the center of attention regardless of who they hurt along the way. And I know I am big enough to rise above that manipulative behavior from a spiritual level but there is also my human limited and egotistical other half that wants to jump in the ring and fight them. So last night a lot of these scenarios were playing out in my head. Taunting me. Almost as if I was being tempted to sink to the level of the lowest common denominator.

So I meditated. Allowed my brain to quieten. To go to the Source.  I felt the tension easing. My sense of purpose coming back.

Such that when I opened my eyes, I was led to read my daily meditation. Something I normally do after I write my blog. But this morning I was led to it before and once I did, I knew I was being led to the answer from the Divine in the words, “God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves.”  

A light bulb went off in my head as I understood the why of what has been happening of late. The situations are not to punish me or to demean me. Au contraire, they have been sent by the Divine, The Force that is greater than me that is also within me, to see situations I am not meant to be in. To understand when I refuse to get out of bad situations of my own volition, God, Allah, Jehovah, Buddha, or whatever it is we want to call the Force that is greater than us but is also within us, always provides the way for us to see where we are not meant to be and who we are not meant to be with.

When we take too long to make the decision, the decision is made for us and is often not in a pleasant way. And the reason it is so harsh is because we failed to see the signs along the way. Refused to take the path that the One Source had been showing us was the easy one.

But there is no refusing what is and what is not particularly when we throw our hands up and whisper help to the Divine. Because whether we realize it or not, we are always given exactly what we ask for – sometimes not when we want it nor in the form we thought we would get it. And it’s not always the thing that we carry in the forefront of our thoughts. No, it is the intention that is buried deep down inside us that is meant for us. And most often it becomes the thing we say we don’t want because that is the energy we are projecting to the Universe. So that is what we are given.

So when we can’t remove ourselves from situations, when we feel we are stuck and can’t go on, when we set our intentions, consciously or not, that is the vibration we are sending, the energy we are projecting and that’s when, “God does for us what we cannot for do ourselves.” So be careful what we ask for, set our intentions on, because that is exactly what we will get.

Thank you Universe, One Source, Force greater than me that is also within me, for helping me to see the situations troubling me were given to me to do what I could not do on my own. See on my own. Without being shown the truth and the light by the power of the Divine. In the light of the glorious moon last night with the answer arriving on the promise of this new way on this new day. With love and light. I am blessed to see and hear and heed the messages of the One Source. And for this blessing and lesson I am truly grateful. Namaste.

Control is accepting

Control is a funny thing

A controlling thing

Instead of liberating us

 It binds us

 Imprisons us

Chains us to always having to be right

Always having to be in control

Always trying to take over

Never allowing ourselves to let go

To surrender

Instead we take on more

Don’t say no

Can’t say no

Won’t say no

We let the list grow longer and longer

Until it becomes topless

 Bottomless

 Endless

 Infinite

And then we get spun round

Upside down

Inside out

Because we are so busy 

Trying to be in control

A slave to the ego

Chained to our insecurities

Because having to always be in control

Means we are masking

That we are out of control

Terrified someone will know

We have no idea

Of what the future holds

Rather than accepting

Having control means

Being so confident

That things will work out 

No matter what

If we let go and let be

But most of us can’t

Won’t

Don’t

Because

We carry our insecurities

Like a security blanket

Childhood scars

Limitations

Excuses

Stopping us

Hindering us

From

Letting go

Because ultimately

We are so afraid that if we do let go

If we give up control

We will lose

When in fact we are losing all the more

When

We don’t give up control

When we don’t let our minds wander

Be free

Our hands idle

Our bodies still

Our thoughts meander

Instead we jumble our lives

Our thoughts

With unnecessary clutter

Confusion

Control masked by ego

Until

The control issues we think we are suppressing

Become so colossal

So huge

Fueled by

Our need to control

That we lose all control

And then paranoia steps in

The path becomes a jungle

Causing us to fight

Unnecessarily

To clear the way

Until we have no other choice

But to let go

To surrender

And accept that control

Comes not from having control

But from

Surrendering control

Not from harnessing it

Not from hoarding it

Not from controlling it

It comes when we say

I surrender

I surrender all

And mean it

Then let go

And let be

And that’s when we realize

Control is a funny thing

That can never be harnessed

Hoarded

Or controlled

It comes when we accept as Lao-Tzu says,

Always we hope

Someone else has the answer

Some other place will be better

Some other time it will all turn out

This is it

No one else has the answer

No other place will be better

And it has already turned out.

 Only then do we accept

Control 

comes not from having control

But from letting go

Accepting it is what it is

And we are here

Right now

Where we are meant to be

Thursdays are becoming like Mondays for me

It seems that Thursdays are becoming my Mondays now. When I feel like I have run out of gas. When waking up at 5 becomes a chore rather than a blessing. When all I can do to muster up the strength to face the day is to get up at 5.30 or slightly thereafter because my mind, body and soul is so exhausted.

It seems that all the relaxation and joy I feel on Monday mornings about facing another work week is getting depleted by Thursday. From all the negative energy I am having to deflect. All the two facedness I am having to be strong about. All the bickering that is taking everything out of me. By Thursday I am trying really hard to not be judgemental. To not get in the mud and start slinging it like so many others.

I am breathing in and out. Telling myself that no one else is putting me in this state but me. So I am the only one who can get myself out of this downward spiral. Asking myself why am I dealing with all this chatter? Why do I find myself in the middle of battles that I have nothing to do with. What is it about me that I am attracting this heavy energy? That I am in the middle of the negative. In the middle of the mudslinging?

What am I being shown? I ask over and over again. Such that by Thursday, as in this morning, I am fighting to get out of bed. Fighting to find the energy that is more balanced. Fighting to find harmony and to project that harmony into my home life, workspace and onto those who so choose to cross my path. So this morning when I was meditating, I asked the Universe to deliver me from evil as in the words spoken in the Lord’s Prayer. For thine is the Kingdom, the power and the glory forever and ever. Amen.

Words I have not spoken for quite some time but they are there in the recesses of my brain like a mantra coming out when I need them. And then I opened my eyes and felt something telling me to open the windows. Not to put on the airconditioning but to open the windows and listen to all that is positive every single day. Listen to life waking up. To birds singing. To the smell of the new day beginning. And when I did, I could feel possibility floating back into my life on the freshness of the morning breeze. I could feel the positive of nature entering my space again allowing me to see there is more positive in our world than negative but when we cling to the negative and not open the window to allow in the positive, we lose sight of what we are here to do.

We lose sight of the fact that we are here to help each other. Not to hinder. Not to judge. Not to pull each other down. On the wisp of the fresh morning air and the birds chirping making space for me to understand when I remember what I am here to do, to support, to love, to be grateful for everything, the negative will not pull me down. Reminding me the negative is here to challenge me yes but not to pull me into its den.

And then I inhaled deeply. Exhaling slowly I could feel the gratitude for seeing another Thursday. For the blessing of waking up rather than feeling burdened by all that is happening around me. Remembering everything that is happening is happening for me to learn either how to be or how not to be.

Willing me to take everything and everyone in my life as blessings. As gifts from the Divine to teach me how to learn. Bring it on Thursday. Bring it on work. I am ready and armoured with the gifts, treasures and abundance of the Universe infusing me with love and light so I may share that love and light with those who cross my path. Remembering always it is up to me to walk away or to remain. And if I choose to remain, I do so with love and light and gratitude even in the midst of the mudslinging. For thine is the Kingdom. The power and the glory. Forever and ever. Amen. Within me. Not without me.

And for this Thursday lesson, I am truly grateful.

Life is full of life

The other morning I was standing at my bathroom window watching life waking up all round me and suddenly it hit me that life is so full of life. Even when we think nothing is happening. Even when we think we are standing still. Life is happening all around us. Bursting with vibrancy. Eager to live. Making space to carry on.

Nothing in life remains the same. Even if it looks like it does to the naked eye. There is always something happening. Always something beginning or ending. Or something  just living in between.  My Poinciana tree that was bare the day before is suddenly full of red flowers. Full of leaves. The blue bird box that was empty before now has a family of bluebirds in it. Roses filling the little rose bushes along the walk way. Every day there is a new treasure for me to see. Asking me to recognize that life is full of life.

I inhaled deeply just thinking about how life goes on no matter what. How things change no matter what. How we change no matter what. Thinking about how sometimes I feel like a little girl trying to find my way. Then I see a friend of mine from way back and I see their features ageing. Forcing me to look at myself in the mirror to see I too am aging. To accept I am not a little girl anymore but a fifty year old woman.  Making me realize life is full of life including mine and if I don’t take an active part in it, it will live without me. Go on without me seeing the gifts and treasures so readily available to me.

I look at my children. My son looking me in the eye. His voice deep and I think of the day when they allowed me to take him home from the hospital. How terrified I was of what this little baby meant.  How no one had had shown me how to be a mother of a new born before. So how was I meant to take care of him? Panic stricken I took him home and now here he stands some 14 years later. A boy on the cusp of manhood. The years whizzing by like a race car.

As I stood at the window I saw life is really full of life. Constantly changing. Replenishing itself. Giving us what we need when we need it. Asking us to live like it does for the time we are in our physical bodies. Asking us to accept the change that comes into our lives and go with it. To stay in its flow with gratitude and grace. For when we do, we too will be like the bluebirds, butterflies, cardinals and even the huge crows that fly in and out of my yard, full of life. Full of abundance. Full of possibility never doubting there is enough for all of us because life gives us exactly what we need when we need it.

Life is so full of life. Listen to it sometimes. The songs of praise we hear from nature. Look at it sometimes. The beauty and abundance we see in nature. Be in it sometimes and then we will know without a doubt, life is full of life. Change. Growth. Possibility. Life. Namaste.