I am truly blessed

I am truly blessed. Yesterday was another glorious summer, spring day in Bermuda. Where the air is fresh. The skies blues. Clouds scattered. The trees in my yard so green. Flowers bursting from everywhere. Inhaling and exhaling all that I am and have with gratitude and love.

And I sat outside on my porch with my little Misty crouching at my feet. Nudging me gently to be touched. To be loved. Looking up at me like I am the best person in the world. Her love. Gently taking in her silence. Thinking about how we are all the same – animal and human – in our quest to be loved and to give love.

Taking her to run on the grass. Watching the glee on her face with the expanse of the yard not like her confined house. Watching her nibble on the grass. Her ears standing erect when there was a cry of a bird. Halting in her place. Sniffing the air to see if there was danger. When she is satisfied she was not in danger, here ears becoming floppy again as she went to grazing in the grass.

Looking up just then to the full branches of the Poinciana tree and there above me was a blue bird. Beautiful in its own right. The moment framed by the branch, leaves and the sky. With the gift being the sight of the blue bird. Quietly sitting enjoying the fresh air as was I . As was Mysty.

And then just like that Mysty was off hopping quickly across the yard. The serenity of the moment broken. With me chasing after her so she would not escape into the road or into the neighbour’s yard. Feeling the fresh air on my back and face. Feeling the promise of all that is, was and ever will be. Standing at the far end of the yard looking back at my home. The home that my husband has been meticulously renovating. Making it into our own. Seeing the palms bending in the breeze. The hanging baskets my husband lovingly cares for in full bloom. Taking in the natural colours given freely to us by Nature every single day.  And feeling so grateful for all that I have. Feeling so blessed for all that is in my life.

A husband who loves me. Most of the time. A wonderful father to our children. Setting examples to them about life. Two beautiful children. And our pet rabbit Mysty. Showing our togetherness as a family and feeling like I am the luckiest woman in the world. In that moment. Captured outside with our rabbit, Mysty. In the fullness of the moment. Amen.

An award long overdue to a teacher of teachers

I was so pleased to see one of my favourite teachers in the world, Mrs. Joan Blades, has been honoured for all that she has done for her students and for the Bermudian community at large. I was pleased to see a teacher had been bestowed the honour of a Queen’s badge. As I often feel the importance of teachers in children’s lives is overlooked. Taken for granted. Not praised enough. Not rewarded enough. And hence the best of people don’t often become teachers because they don’t feel they will get the accolades that others receive for doing less for the community.

Teacher like Mrs. Blades are more than teachers. They are mentors. Role models. People that children who have no one at home to give them direction provide children with direction. A roadmap on how to be in life and how not to be. They provide a touchstone for children who are wandering in the dark. I know because I was one of those children when my mother died in 1976. I don’t know where I would be today without teachers like Mrs. Blades.

Mrs. Blades was my Chemistry teacher at The Berkeley Institute when I was there from 1975-1980. But she was more than a teacher to me, she was a mentor, mother and friend. She taught me the importance of silent grace. Understated elegance. And more importantly that you don’t have to be loud to be heard.

That’s what Mrs. Blades meant to me. She was the calm in the storm. The silent warrior whose looks and expressions said more than any spoken word ever could. And she noticed me. Inspired me when so many others did not. Saw potential in me that others including myself did not know existed. She saw in me the vulnerabilities I tried so hard to hide. To suppress. She saw through my hard exterior and helped me to see there was so much more to life than the limited life I was living.

I loved Chemistry because I loved Joan Blades and still do. I think of how I wanted to please her so much because she always seemed to look out for me. I never wanted to disappoint her so I always tried my best with her. Her teachings staying in the back of my mind. Engrained forever not because I needed Chemistry for anything I would ever do in life. No because she taught it and I wanted to be in her presence.

Her quiet and understated yet powerful presence still remains within my psyche. And that’s the sign of a good teacher. A teacher whose teaching remains even when we are grown. Even when we become the adults and the teachers ourselves. When we learn that the teacher is always the student as is the student always the teacher. When we learn there is no difference between teaching and learning. That they are one in the same because in order to teach one has to learn and continue to learn to teach.

I am so pleased for the honour that has been bestowed upon one of my favourite teachers who became one of my surrogate mothers when I had no mother of my own. When she looked out for me and taught me how to be a woman of the world by giving without expectation or demand. Mrs. Joan Blades the epitome of a woman of quiet dignity, humility, reserve and grace. Refined simplicity who taught how to walk placidly amid the noise and haste.

For every Chemistry formula I had to memorize, what I remember the most about Mrs. Blades is that each and every action has an equal and opposite reaction. For Mrs. Joan Blades I am eternally grateful and proud to have been a student of hers. So I am extending my heartfelt congratulations to her on being bestowed a Queen’s award. Not that she needed it anyway because she will always be a Queen of my heart and the hearts of many of her students forever.

In the greyness of the new day

I am finding that I am being drawn to the morning light again. To the time when the night turns into day. That time when all is grey and the light is not quite there to assume its place over the darkness of the night. To the silence of change. To the silence of infinity. To the silence of the silence.

It is at this time when all is quiet that I get to listen to me. To my thoughts. To my fears. Apprehensions. Regrets. Wins and Gains. To all that is within me helping me to be who I am meant to be. When I give myself that time to just be, I understand that all the confusion in my life is because I am allowing myself to be stretched in too many directions rather than focusing on what is right in front of me.

When I listen to the sound of silence in the greyness of the day when the light is not quite there, I understand that life is not black and white but grey. Somewhere in between there is the truth in everything.

When I listen to the sound of silence in the greyness of the day when the light is not quite there, I understand there won’t always be answers to everything in the way I expected. But there will always be answers when I seek without expectation. When I am patient and wait. When I don’t dictate to the Universe but ask to be of service, I find I am led. Always led to the place I am meant to be. To the people meant to be in my life.

When I listen to the sound of the silence when the day has not quite taken over from the night, when the light is there but not quite, I understand that there is always something happening in my life even when I think I am standing still. Because there is no such thing as standing still when everything around me shows it is constantly changing. Allowing me to understand change happens even when we stand still because it is so subtle that we think we are not growing or changing. Even in standing still, we are changing because then we are surrendering to the eternal motion of our Universe. The infinite change that happens to us all the time. Simple things like our nails growing. Or breaking. Our skin constantly replenishing itself. Our physical bodies changing all the time as are our spiritual beings.

When I listen to the sound of the silence in the greyness of the new day, when the sun is not quite up but is there in the background waiting for its turn to take over from the darkness of the night, from the moon, I understand there is a time and place for everything and everyone. And when I wait my turn and fulfill the role the Universe has sent me to fill, in time I will shine too. Not at the expense of anyone or anything else. But in conjunction with everyone and everything else. For I understand there is a natural order to our lives that encompasses us all. Me plus we equals success.  Nothing more. Nothing less.

And that is why I am drawn to the silence of the breaking dawn, when the greyness of the new day is surrendering to the light, when the night is giving way to the day, the moon to the sun. In silence. In reverence. In gratitude. Because in that silence I hear life all around me. Growing. Changing. Expanding. Just like me. Just like us all. In its time. In our time. Namaste.

We are extraordinary ordinary people in our own right

Yesterday a friend and I were conversing about life based on the way people treat us and our reactions to them. Based on what our expectations of ourselves are and how sometimes they can be so lofty that we forgot who we are. Forget to live our lives because we are not in it. We are trying too hard to be beyond it. Over there. Not here.

And what I realized is we spend so much time trying to be extraordinary rather than being the ordinary people we are that we lose out on seeing the ordinary every day blessing in our lives. The ones that could lead us to the extraordinary life we are meant to be living. By projecting we take ourselves out of seeing night turn into day, winter turn into spring, flowers bud from seeds, baby birds hatching, trees come to life again after their winter sleep. We overlook the butterfly fluttering across our path. The birds chirping in the morning. We overlook these ordinary extraordinary events because we take them for granted. So we don’t even see them. In our minds, they are so ordinary that they don’t matter. But they do because they remind us that life is constantly changing. As are we.

Imagine if we stayed focused in the present moment and truly were aware of all that we have, are and are receiving in that one moment. Like the ability to wake up in the morning. The ability to see. To hear. To walk. To talk. To touch. To feel. Using our five senses and the sixth sense of our intuitive minds. Imagine how much more fulfilled we would be. We would understand that we are extraordinary with all that we can do.

Being extraordinary beyond ordinary comes with added burdens such as not being able to walk down the street without being recognized. Not being able to do the simple mundane things we do every single day of our lives without being followed by someone who wants something from us. Demands something from us. When our heads rise above others, we put ourselves in the position of being knocked down. Taken out by the ordinary people that put us on the pedestal in the first place.

We don’t realize just how fortunate we are to be anonymous when we need to be. To not have people constantly hounding us because we are extraordinary. I’m sure those people who become famous wish they could be anonymous just once again so they could live ordinary lives. The very lives we all take for granted.

And then I am led back to a book I was meant to write. A book I dismissed because I am not famous. Not extraordinary. A book called, “An Extraordinarily Ordinary Life”. And the premise of that book was to talk about the fact that I realized by living my life as I am meant to, rooted in the present moment, appreciative of all that I am allows me to live an extraordinary ordinary life. But somehow I allowed the thought that my life is very ordinary to make me believe I did not have an extraordinary story to tell. Forgetting that each one of us is extraordinarily ordinary with an extraordinary story to tell because not one of us is exactly the same or reacts the same or lives the same.

My conversation with my friend yesterday helped me to remember that where we are right here, right now no matter how ordinary and mundane it may seem is exactly where we need to be. Not reaching for tomorrow that will never come. Not reaching back into the past we cannot relive. But being rooted in this present moment. Aware of all that I am. Grateful for that knowledge allows me the ability to live an extraordinarily ordinary life. As can you. As can we all. Namaste.

Energy is a very powerful thing

I was between two minds about writing and posting the blog I wrote yesterday about people that talk behind our backs because it was a deeply personal issue for me. But boy was I glad I did. The conversations that ensued after  I posted my blog told me I had done the right thing by sharing something so personal for me. And what it did for everyone else was a bonus for me. A validation in some ways for writing about my truth.

I just wanted to reiterate that each one of us is an individual. With different hurts. Needs. Desires and lessons we have to learn. Sometimes those needs, wants, desires, hurts and lessons intersect and co mingle but they will never feel exactly the same to any one of us. Because we are each here to learn something slightly different. Therefore it is very important to not intentionally judge another person. Or place expectations on any person’s reaction to us. Because we will attract that same energy back into our lives.

When  someone does something to us, remember always it is not to us, it is for us. A gift for us to learn that much more about who we are and who we are not. We cannot spend the rest of our lives seeking revenge or wishing bad karma on the person who wronged us. Instead we need to thank them for helping us to see something about ourselves or themselves we would not have seen had they not done what they did.

It is these times  that drop us to our knees. Crush us to the ground. Make us want to retreat from human kind that allow us the most growth. And the reason they do is because they force us to dig deep. To go to that place inside all of us reserved just for us. That place that nurtures us and takes us back to the One Source. To the place where we receive the answers we are seeking about our trials and tribulations and allows us to glimpse the Divine.

But we only get to that place when we go deep. When we go into our silence and listen. Really listen. When we remain on the surface toing and froing with the person who has given us the gift of the Divine, we never see the Divine. Instead we see our own human limitations and we become the energy we hate. So instead of growing, we project that energy back into the world and we stall. Becoming fearful. Resentful. Angry. Disappointed. And that’s the energy we project to those who come into our space. And that’s why doors keep closing for us. Because without realizing what we are doing, our energy is so negative or desperate that it repels rather than attracts.

Energy is a very powerful thing. It is something we can’t see or touch. But it is there and it is energy that allows possibility into our lives. When I said I was hurt because people talk behind my back, I was and still feel twinges of the hurt. But what I also know is these people are talking about me because there is something about me they want. Not because they really hate me but really because they love me but can’t admit it to themselves because in some strange way, they believe it will take something away from them if they were to admit it.

Though I know on a deeper and spiritual level there is nothing I can do about what someone else says about me, does to me, sometimes my human limitations allow my ego to rear its ugly head and I become what I despise.  Making my lesson that much harder to learn. Taking longer for me to get to my Divine space. But what I do know is when I allow myself to go to that place. The place of the Divine where all is balanced, I understand that no words uttered from anyone can hurt me. No actions by someone are done to me. I understand that everything and everyone that comes into my life comes for my good. For me to decide who I am and who I am not. And from there who will be in my life and who will not. Energy is a very powerful thing. Not something to be taken lightly. Nor for granted. But to be treated with the utmost respect. Because energy is who we are, was and ever will be. It is a projection of who we really are on the inside and it is what either makes or breaks us in this world.

And whatever we utter about who we are, that’s who we become. We are as great as we believe we are. As capable as what we believe. As abundant as what we believe. And always, we are the energy we project.

People that talk behind our backs

Why is it that when we find out someone has spoken disparagingly about us that we take it so personally? Feel like the world is against us? Become paranoid about who is talking about us and why they are talking about us? Wonder how many others are talking about us? Allowing it to build and build until we become so paranoid that we feel like closing our hearts to everyone. Feeling like there is no one to trust.

Lately so many people are talking behind the backs of those who could be their best helpers. Their greatest supporters. Instead these people seem to think that by pulling someone else down, it means they look better. They believe that by talking badly about someone else, it deflects away from their own insecurities and shortcomings.

But what they fail to realize is by pulling others down, what they are doing is pulling themselves down. All of us down because we are a collective consciousness and what one does has a ripple effect on us all. Negative energy begets negative energy. It is like a little dust ball that gathers dust as it rolls down the hill. Growing with each bit of negative dust it collects. Until it becomes so large that it is hard to see beyond the darkness. Hard to know there is light outside of it. Because people becomes so embroiled in the darkness that they become it.

And then they wonder why they can’t get out. Why it feels like they are suffocating. Why they feel so small. And why they become so paranoid. Recently I have discovered that several people who I would have done anything for, have decided for some reason that they want to take from me in order to feel better about themselves. And because I am human, I took on that behavior. Feeling betrayed. Let down. Hurt. Learning about these betrayals I tried my hardest to be as tough as I could and not show the hurt. But hurt is something that can’t be suppressed. It is a very powerful feeling. A feeling that helps us to grow when we acknowledge it rather than suppress it. Because it teaches us something about ourselves.

And when we accept the hurt, feel it and listen to the why we are hurt, we are liberated from the darkness to understand the why. And what I discovered about these people that talk about me or anyone of us behind our backs, is they are really not talking about us. They are talking about themselves. They are trying to pull us down so they may rise. They are actually complimenting us by speaking our names, whether good or bad.

When we don’t matter, people don’t do anything to hurt us. They leave us alone. When we matter that’s when people speak our names.  And the very thing they are tearing us down for is the very thing they want. They desire for themselves. If they would only listen to their own words. Really hear them. Really feel where those words are coming from, they would understand that they are really crying out for help. And the very people they are trying to hurt are the ones they need to help them to learn. If they would sit back and contemplate what they are doing and why they are doing it, they would learn something about themselves and stop adding to the pestilence and mistrust that is growing like wildfire in our world.

They would see that each one of us is here for a reason. And that reason is to help each other. Not hurt each other. We are all of each other. Not against each other. And when we talk about another, we are talking about ourselves. Because how would we know what they are feeling unless we are projecting our own feelings onto them?

The simple answer to the taking of energy rather than spreading it is to remember there is enough in this world for us all. We don’t need to take from each other to gain for ourselves. Instead if we would share what we have, we would find we gain even more. Never less. Always more.

Harmony

There used to be a time when I hated Mondays. Sunday nights I would become agitated because I knew I had to start a whole new work week. A full week of schedules. Work. School. Lunches made for my children. Thinking about all that was negative rather than looking at the fact that I woke up on Monday morning. That I had a whole new week to be who I am meant to be. To explore who I am not. To spread love and light into the world from the love and light I receive so abundantly from the Universe.

So now when I feel that feeling of depravation coming over me on Monday mornings, I replace it with gratitude that I am here again. Ready to serve in the way I was sent here to serve. Ready to learn from everything and everyone that comes my way. Some experiences and people to remain in my life while are transitory. Here to teach then let go. But lessons learned with gratitude nonetheless.

Teaching me to change my perspective to say, wow, I have a new week beginning today. Another week to share what I have learned. To teach as much as I can from the trials and tribulations I experience. To gain as much as I can from life so I can live my life as fully as I possibly can.

And then I looked up and there in front of me is my best birthday present ever. My painting, Harmony, by Bear Cloud staring right back at me. Reminding me life is all about finding and achieving balance. Harmony. It is so wonderful to sit at my computer now and look up and see Harmony. Yin and Yang. Love and hate. Male and female. Teaching and learning. Acceptance and prejudiceness. Prisoners of our own minds and creators of our own minds.

So when I feel those feelings of too much to bear creeping up on me, I am reminded by my painting to inhale deeply and exhale slowly  because to every action and feeling there is an equal and opposite reaction and feeling. In everything there is harmony when we free ourselves from the limitations of our minds. When we allow ourselves to understand this too shall pass. This experience, no matter how trying, is here for a reason so I bless it then surrender it to the Universe. Then watch as it passes over me. Leading me to the other side of the mountain. Inhaling and exhaling the whole time.

So here’s to a new week of living and experiencing. A new beginning. A feeling of space. Of freedom. Of gratitude. And I no longer hate Mondays. Nor Sunday evenings. Because I know they are a necessary part of my growth. So here’s to another week everyone. A week of harmony, balance, love and light even in the face of our greatest darkness. Harmony. Namaste.