@Sheryl Sandberg, the lightning rod for change

Sheryl Sandberg, the lightning rod for women’s issues. Every once in a while someone emerges as the lightning rod - the one to take the strike in order for the rest of us to sit up and pay attention. To become aware. To dialogue. Whether she wanted to or not, Sheryl Sandberg has emerged as that person, that woman, the one to take the lightning strike to open the dialogue about women, between women, and for women. To open the dialogue about where we fit in the Corporate white male Boy’s Club, where we sit on Boards, whether we want to or not. Or whatever way we want to lean – whether in or out.

I have to admit the first time I had ever heard of Sheryl Sandberg was when she interviewed Oprah on Facebook. I watched the interview because it was about Oprah. Not expecting to be equally enamored by this woman Sheryl Sandberg. But I was just as mesmerized with her as I was with Oprah. Not easily done let me tell you. Oprah is way up there in my estimation.

Yet Sandberg’s  presence was just as dynamic as Oprah’s. Her poise refreshing. Her sense of awe of Oprah surprising. But most of all I was struck by how articulate, direct, playful and complex her personality was. A woman of presence. In command of who she is and what she wants.

And then I lost sight of her. Every once in a while she emerged again but not in as high a profile as she has reemerged this time with her controversial book called Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead. I once again have to admit when I first heard about her book and her stance; I was irritated that she had become the lightning rod for women’s issues. Irritated that she was quoted as saying it was easy for women to lean in rather than out. Hearing her comments from third party sources without hearing them from her directly had caused me to condemn this woman. Jumping on the bandwagon of how disappointed I was in a woman like Sandberg who has the ability to really light up the world with the power of women making such sweeping and damning statements about women. Leaving room for interpretation, misrepresentation and hysteria on my behalf and lots of other women as has been the case with Sandberg.

And then I watched her being interviewed on 60 Minutes and my whole opinion and outlook on her changed. Once again I saw the woman I saw who interviewed Oprah. I saw the woman who is just like me deep down inside. A woman who embodies the spirit of every woman.  The same vulnerabilities, insecurities and guilt. She may have reached dizzying heights in her career at the young age of 43 but she still grapples, as do many of us women, with feelings of guilt of trying to find the balance between motherhood and career, career and wife, career and work life balance. If such Nirvana actually does exist.

I saw in Sandberg’s eyes the desire to be accepted, respected, liked, and validated as do we all. And most of all I saw and heard a women not advocating that every woman has to ‘lean in’, I saw quite the contraire. I saw a woman who wants to empower those women who do want to ‘lean in’ with the tools to be able to do so.

Unlike the articles that have been printed about her, the stories that have been hitting the airwaves, the cover of Time magazine depicting Sandberg as creating a cat fight with women, Sheryl is not trying to do any of that. She is not trying to pit women against each other. Nor is she trying to make women feel bad for the choices we have made. I discovered she is using her influence, her high profile position, to draw attention to the plight of women who want to ‘lean in’ but can’t and wonder why not.

She is drawing attention to the fact that women should not be afraid to negotiate higher salaries, contribute in  meetings, accept and embrace our worthiness and be proud of who we are where we are for what we are. That we should not shrink into the background and not be seen if we want to make it into boardrooms and C-Suites. That our contributions are just as worthy as those of our male counterparts. And we should speak and act with authority without apology and without guilt if our choice is to 'lean in'.

So Sheryl I thank you for being the lightning rod to open the dialogue again. To take the strike for all the women who choose to ‘lean in’. And for all the women who choose not to for whatever reason, let’s still rally together to help to raise up and offer the women who do. To assist them with the tools and support they need to penetrate the invisible glass ceiling that has come back with a vengeance so they too can help pave the way for the changing workforce. So they can be invaluable contributors to the global and diversifying workforce.

 I applaud you Sheryl for being the lightning rod, the catalyst for change, for taking the strike necessary to change the makeup of the Boardrooms and C-suite globally. For bringing the plight of women into the minds of those who take our contributions for granted.

I am rallying behind you, for you and beside you because you are every woman just as I am as she is as are we all. ‘Leaning in’ with support and grace. Strength in numbers. United we stand. Divided we fall. Namaste.

A Prayer for me 3.11.13

3.11.10 My life changed in an instant. In a flash. It was 3 years ago today that I discovered I was about to be made redundant for the first time in my life. The job and staff I had worked hard to help create for two years was about to be suddenly and abruptly pulled out from under me. Without warning. Without preparation. In a very public and humiliating way. Turning my world upside down. Causing me to pause. To stop. To try to figure out what it is that I want from life.

So I did. I stopped. I paused. I contemplated. Allowed myself to feel a myriad of emotions, feelings, and aspirations. And before I knew it I was writing, walking, existing and then my period of contemplation and introspection was over and I was back in my career at the place where I first began in Bermuda. Going backwards to go forwards.

And here I sit three years later still grappling with the whys and the what fors. Still grappling with what I was meant to learn from that experience that has brought me back to where I began. When I look around at the people in my space, I see there are many who I need to complete the circle of life with because they are back in my life. Back in my career as if we are riding the same wave together. As if we are meant to share this life experience together. Our relationships have shifted in some cases. Our roles reversed. Allowing each one of us to see the view from the other’s perspective. Allowing each of us to contemplate how the choices we make put us where we are.

I sit here three years later still feeling like I am on shaky ground. Wondering whether I am doing what I am meant to be doing. Wondering whether the choices I have made are mine or those of others. Whether I am still placating the needs of others before my own.

So I closed my eyes this morning when I realized the date. The date that has resonated with a place deep down inside me and this is what I heard from that place of stillness,

There is more to life

Life is screaming at me

You have so much more to give

Life is screaming at me

Why are you hiding behind the limitations imposed upon you by others

Life is screaming at me

It’s time to step out of life’s mediocrity and onto the path of unlimited possibility

Life is screaming at me

Onto the path where your talents shine and are meant to shine

Life is screaming at me

Away from the place where people try to make you feel less than who you are

Life is screaming at me

To the place where opportunities are everywhere

Life is screaming at me

To the place of unlimited choices

Life is screaming at me

To the place where people accept there is universal abundance

Life is screaming at me

Okay life I answer back

Stop screaming at me

Please

Okay I answer back

Okay I answer back

Again

And Again

I am open

Willing

And able to step on to the path of unlimited possibility

Open

Ready

Willing and able

Today is 3.11.13

Three years later

I commit to pure existence

Pure love

Pure acceptance

Of the abundance the Universe has to offer

Giving as much as I receive

Letting go of the scarcity mentality

Letting go of old belief systems

Embracing the concept that there is more than enough for all of us

Accepting

I am more than worthy of receiving

So I commit

To stepping out of my own way

To allow all that is meant to be

To be

For me

Unapologetically and unequivocally

Amen.

Like the butterfly

Breaking routines today and it feels so good. So liberating. Just being as my body, mind and spirit wants. Lying in bed for ages letting thoughts run through my mind. Not trying to process them. Not trying to find meaning to my life. Just being. And thinking and letting my body relax.

Seeing the sun come and go through my blinds as the clouds covered the sun shutting out the light. Plunging everything into darkness.  Listening to the downpour of torrential rain. Then hearing the howling wind as it pushed the clouds aside after the downpour to bring the sun and its light back again. A rhythm every few minutes. Light. Dark. Rain. Wind. Light. Dark. Wind Rain. Light. And on and on.

Marveling at life. The whole process of light and dark. Thinking about how my bedroom had been dark just hours before then it was flooded with light. Changing the perspective and shapes on my walls. The shadows replaced with light. Thinking life really is full of changes and the more I am able to embrace change the better I am.

The more I learn to grow and change as each day does rather than standing still and wondering why I am not satisfied with life, the better I am. The more I challenge myself to be what I feel inside rather than what the outside world wants me to be, the better I am.

Just like day turns to night. Night turns to day. Clouds give way to the sun. The sun giving way to the clouds. The wind blows . The wind stops. So do we. We are constantly being asked to be what we are here to be so all we need do is get out of our own way and be all that we are meant to be. All I need do is get out of my own way and be all I am meant to be.

And that’s what changing my routine this morning did for me. It allowed me the space, the scope to listen to me. To not be in the same pattern I am always in allowing room for new thoughts and perspectives to enter my space. To allow the butterflies that exist within me all the time to morph and spread their wigs. To feel the full space of infinity that exists within me all the time. Opening me up to the more that exists every single day within me.

Breaking routines this morning. Not pressuring myself to be anywhere, to do anything except to be with me and my thoughts was one of the most precious gifts I could give to myself today.

And for taking the time this morning to stop. To just be. To enjoy me. To love me. Filled me with such satisfaction and love it is difficult to articulate. But I know sometimes the greatest gifts we can ever give are the gifts that no one else can see, touch, feel or hear. They are the gifts that come from deep, deep within that allow us to be free to be who we are.

Here’s to a wonderful and joy filled weekend. Even with the wind blowing, the clouds obscuring the sun, the rain and the darkness, I know there is an infinite field of love and light that exists within me every single day of my life. When I am willing to surrender to who I am for what I am where I am, I become the most beautiful butterfly with the biggest and brightest wings. Embracing my dreams and living as I am meant to live and love. As I am today. Namaste.

The howling wind and letting go

Why is the sound of the wind so unnerving. So jarring. So unsettling. Why is it that it pulls me out of my deepest sleep? Causing me to sit up and listen. Objects crashing.  Unknown. Breaking. Scattering. Swirling sounds. Unrest. Chaos. Pandemonium.

Why does the wind make me feel jittery. On edge? When it is a part of nature just like me.

Why is the sound so violent? Like a freight train speeding by my windows when it is a part of nature just like me?

Why does the wind come for days at a time? Destroying. Ripping the leaves off the trees. Burning them until they die. What is the purpose of the wind? Why does it leave me feeling uneasy?

The past few days, like the wind, my insides have been in a whirl. Being tossed around.  Upside down. Inside out. I feel like I am being blown away just like the leaves speeding past my window. Everything around me is moving so fast while I am standing still. Being assaulted by the wind. No matter how hard I try to stop the chaos around me, I have no strength. No power to do so. So I stand in the wind. Windswept. Exhausted and tired.

Contemplating there is no other sound like the sound of the howling wind. No other sound that makes me feel so vulnerable. What will it destroy? What will it ruin? What am I meant to do to get out of the howling wind? Have I brought the wind here? Caused it to kick up? Who do I think I am?

Why do we have the wind for days at a time? Blowing, Howling. Pushing. Mixing with the North air so it is chilly. Cutting. Unforgiving.

What is the purpose of the howling wind? Does anyone know? And why does it come and stay for so long?

I woke up this morning with the sound of the wind as I went to sleep with it last night. Its pounding and relentless nature forcing me to questions why it is so unsettling for me? So I decided to explore my apprehension and fears about the wind. Only to discover the wind unnerves me because it is something I cannot see except for it blowing the leaves and trees. Bending them near to the ground like they are reeds rather than trees. Showing me its brute force.

I accept the wind unnerves me because I cannot really feel it until it slices across my check. Its chill penetrating my skin forcing me to wrap up tight. Showing me its might. I cannot touch it but I know it’s there because it rips things out of my hands if I don’t hold on tight. Rips flowers off the trees. Destroys that which does not yield to its might.

I stop and inhale deeply. Quieting the confusion and noise in my brain so I can truly absorb the wind and then I smell it, feel it.  Its scent like a fresh ocean breeze. Atmosphere. Ozone. Fresh. But yet it still unnerves me. Why ?

Inhaling once again and this time with a long exhale. And then I allow myself to go into the silence. The silence that always exists even in the howling wind and I embrace it. I close my eyes and that’s when I hear, I am afraid of the wind, unnerved by the wind because I have no control over what the wind will do, what the wind will feel like, when it comes and when it goes. I realize it is an abstract part of nature that exists but can’t be touched even though it is felt. I realize it is because it is cleansing the atmosphere. Sweeping away all that is no longer necessary. Making space for all the new.

Making things ugly before they can become beautiful. Making space for the new while getting rid of the old. And that’s why the wind affects me so much because it reminds me that in order to move to the new, to embrace what is I must let go of what isn’t. Loosen my grip on all the things I can’t control and let the wind carry them away to where they are meant to be. And bring forth that which is meant to be.

I inhale and exhale again knowing the wind is here to remind me to let go of everything I no longer need so they flutter away gently in the breeze rather than being ripped out of my hands. So I let go and let be in honour and respect of the wind and the infinite source of abundance. I trust and let go. Namaste.

A lesson in faith

Yesterday morning I met the most amazing young man. My taxi drier from Armenia. He had just completed his night job as Head Valet and was starting his second job driving taxi for the day. And I had the pleasure of engaging him in conversation by asking him when he ever sleeps.

By asking that question, I opened the door for nearly an hour of enlightenment from my unexpected angel. My inspiration from an unexpected source. Reminding me to never judge anyone until you have walked in his shoes. My taxi driver was born in Jordan but grew up in Iraq and because he was Christian rather than Muslim, his existence and his families existence was not easy.

His mother died from cancer when he was twelve years old. His father, he said, never got over the death of his mother so within four months he followed her dying of a broken heart. He told me how every day after his mother’s death, his father would say your mother is coming for me. She came for me last night in my dream, and soon I will be with her. And so said so done. His father died leaving him and two sisters and a brother.

My taxi driver was only twelve years old but had to get his father prepared for the funeral. In doing so he missed three days of school. On his return he was trying to find out what he had missed and because he was Christian and living in a Muslim country, he attended a school with Muslim teachers. His teacher became angry with him for speaking in class and basically called him a waste just like his father and berated the twelve year old broken boy so much that he snapped and beat the teacher to a pulp. The teacher was taken to the hospital and my taxi driver was thrown out of school. But worse he was forced to flee because his teacher was from a respectable Muslim family. And because of what he had done to the teacher, my taxi driver had put his life in danger.

He existed on the fringes of society for quite some time. Unemployable. Stateless and lost. But never lost his faith and belief in miracles. And then three years ago he sought refugee status in the United States as a result of a dream he had showing the name Houston. He was granted asylum in the United States . In Houston no less.

He entered the United States three years ago speaking no English. From a different culture.  A different world. Understanding no one. But because he has tremendous faith and trust in God, he just prayed and asked for guidance until he worked his way up from being a stock person in a shop to head valet at a major hotel. He also owns his own taxi that is paid off. And he supports his sisters back in Jordan by sending them money every week.

Despite all the adversity he has been through. Despite the hard knocks. Despite the path he has been given, not once did I hear my taxi driver complain. Not once did I hear him try to blame anyone for the tragedy he has endured. Not once did he feel sorry for himself or ask for pity.

Instead he looks at life as a gift. A gift from God. He said everything happens for a reason. Everything is in God’s hands. He doesn't worry. He just knows that if he acts from a place of purity and is always giving, he will always receive back what he gives and then some. And life has shown him that on many occasions. He does not lose faith.

He asks God for what he wants and then goes about doing and when the time is right he is always rewarded according to how he has lived. I got out of the taxi with that young man yesterday morning feeling like I had been in the presence of an angel.  A messenger from the Universe. A man of faith. A sage wise beyond his years reminding me to behold all the abundance that surrounds me. To be grateful for everything that comes my way and to be open and receptive to the gifts and treasures of the Universe because in doing so I am opening myself to receive the love and light that is ever present in our Universe. Allowing me to  shine that love and light on others as well. As my taxi driver did for me yesterday morning.

Life may not be easy. Life may take us down paths we never dreamed possible. But when I meet people like my taxi driver yesterday who has had to find his way since he was twelve years old and still retain the twinkle of possibility I saw shining in his eyes, I know the Universe is reminding me that life is all about the choices I make even in my greatest adversity. Life is about faith, love and trust.

Remembering always as Emmanuel Teney says, “ As your faith is strengthened, you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit.”  Namaste

Without purpose, there is no true happiness or success

Happiness is not something that can be pursued. Rather it is that which is found when we are at peace with ourselves and with the world. Happiness is not measured by material gain or loss. Not by power or lack thereof. Not by privilege or poverty.
Happiness just is. It can not be measured. Contained or contemplated for too long because once we think it, we lose it to our subconscious. Because we begin to overanalyse the state we are in. We try to find out why we are happy in the moment rather than being happy all the time. Trying too hard to contain it rather than glory in it.
Happiness comes when we least expect it. When we let go of all expectation and reason. It comes when we sit and contemplate the rain. When we listen to the birds. When we accept we are one in the same and there is really no seperation between any of us. Happiness is not something that is meant to be constant because the only constant in our lives is change.
So when we spend all of our days searching for happiness, like the butterfly it will elude us because happiness is not found. It just is. The pursuit of happiness versus the pursuit of meaning has been playing on my mind for the last few days spurred first by a post about a man who helped to change my life many years ago. A man I never met. A man whose experience was so far from mine yet we shared a common bond that goes back to the search for meaning - our search for our place in the world. And it came from a very wise Jewish man who endured the Holocast and came out not as a bitter man but as a better and changed man. A grown man called Viktor Frankl.
Viktor Frankl came into my life when I was first discovering Spirituality and the quest for more meaning in my life. For some reason I was drawn to his story. Only to discover it was because I was on the same journey - trying to find meaning in my life. Once I read his story, I knew I was being led to him for a reason. To learn that no matter who I may blame for my shortcomings or dislike because of theirs, the person I am really grappling with is none other than myself.
So whenever I am confronted by hostile situations, I listen carefully to the words being spoken and then I ask myself is this situation about me or is it about the person who is accusing. When I believe it is more about the person, I know no matter how much I may try to explain my perspective, until that person is ready to see the battle is coming from within himself or herself, I will never make any progress so I walk away and leave the person to deal with his or her own demons.
And the same is true about me. If I find I am defensive and attacking another, I know it is because there is a deep rooted fear within me that is coming to light to allow me to learn more about myself. To face my own demons. Often very difficult to recognise and even more difficult to accept and change.
Then Viktor Frankl left me again only to come back to me yesterday through a blog posted by a mother, Devon Corneal, on Huffington Post called, The Pursuit of Happiness. This mother wrote from her heart that she did not want her children to pursue happiness because in her opinion it is fleeting but what she did want her children to pursue is meaning. Her article resonated with me so much because I knew it was Viktor Frankl speaking to me again.
Asking me to remember more than anything the search for purpose, for meaning in this life is the only means to happiness because without purpose, I will never know true happiness. Asking me to remember always,
“Don't aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long-run—in the long-run, I say!—success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Even on our most turbulent days, there is always a blue sky

On Sunday morning I took off from Bermuda. Flying directly into torrential rain. Obscuring the window with what looked like a river as we sliced through the downpour. Just like that what was right in front of me was no longer available for me to see. Hidden in plain sight.
We rose into the clouds taking even more light out of the already darkened day. And then we were engulfed in clouds - heavy dark clouds. Shrouding us in the heaviness of their clutch. Pushing and tossing the airplane  as if the airplane was a tinker toy. Showing us the might of nature against the inventions of men. Of all that is there and was there before us and will be there long after we are gone.
At first I was afraid. Nervous because of the turbulence and the heavy clouds. I am always nervous when I fly without my family. But then I said a silent prayer to the Universe to allow me to accept what is and to let go of what I can not control. I closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep. Allowing myself to drift into the nothingness that is all. And when I woke up, we were flying high about the clouds - in the beauty and vastness that exists high above us at all times. The sky blue and endless and I felt a tremendous sense of peace wash over me.
I whispered a silent thanks to the Universe for answering my prayers. Thanking it for allowing me to see first hand even on those days when we can't see far ahead. When all around us is turbulent and dark. When the rain is obscuring our vision. When our plans become dishevelled, if we are patient enough and have faith and trust,  the pathway will clear. The clouds will dissipate. The rain will stop and we will see the beauty of what always exists. What is always there even when we can't see it. Allowing us to understand why we had to experience the pain, the upset, the hurt, the turbulence and the unknowingness.
Life takes us on journeys far away from what we are comfortable with in order for us to grow. Takes us through the turbulence and the rain so we can appreciate the calm and the sun. So we can appreciate that leaving people, place and things is just what we need in order to make way for the more that is available to us all. That sometimes we grow in different directions.
And once I got this and looked out the window, the clouds below us had changed from gray to white - patchy not heavy, allowing me to see the ocean below. Letting me know I am on  a journey, an ever changing one, constantly evolving so I can embrace the magnificence that I am and was sent here to be. And to know even on my most turbulent days, there is always a blue sky ready to return when the time is right. Namaste.