All will be well

Anticipation. Worrying about what will happen next. Not trying to become too complacent. These are the feelings I am experiencing as a result of Tropical Storm Leslie that became Hurricane Leslie that has once again become Tropical Storm Leslie.

We are all on alert. Everyone trying to predict what she will do when she can’t decide what to do. Sitting almost stationary for a while then moving slowly at her own pace. Clearly being fueled or not fueled by something leaving even the best meteorologists confused. No one knows where she will go or what she will do.

Still on guard just in case. Everyone in a holding pattern. People who were supposed to travel not knowing whether they will be able to get out or not. People who were prepared for the worst are disappointed that she may turn into nothing. Not me.  I am grateful beyond words that she has decided to spare us. When I think back to the long and frightening hours we were pounded by Hurricane Fabian in 2003, I am so relieved and joyous not to have to spend the next 50 hours feeling helpless under the wrath of an unpredictable hurricane.

It is Saturday morning and I am looking out the window watching the dark sky. Almost black at times. I don’t see my morning star Venus. She is obscured by the clouds. Wondering again what Tropical Storm Leslie will do. Fretting about something I have no control over.

And then I saw the image of woman in the clouds. Beautiful - floating past my window with a trail of clouds following her almost as if she was blowing them out. And then a curtain of heavy dark black clouds blanketed the sky. The wind starting to pick up. Trees bending in the breeze.

Dark and ominous clouds with red hues behind them speeding by now with the wind. If nothing else, this hurricane has shown me  life is much easier when we live in the now. Not projecting into the future because it can change by forces that are beyond our control. Not planning beyond the moment we are in right now because that it is all we have control over. 

As if the Universe was trying to affirm my thinking, in the midst of the dark, dark clouds is the shape of a heart, a love heart. And it is full of light letting me know all will be well. All will be well. Birds are now chirping further affirming all will be well as animals disappear when there is bad weather but they are out and chirping letting me know all will be well. All will be well.

And for this blessing and lesson I am truly grateful.

Hurricanes remind me of the oneness that we are

Needless to say I had a restless night the night before last thinking about the pending Hurricane and what it means for my family. Thinking about my children starting their first day of school with a giant hurricane looming. So yesterday morning I got up at 5 having been awake since about 3 and listened. And I could hear the booming ocean through my closed windows. Over the sound of the air-conditioning in my home. Believing the hurricane was slowly but surely making her way towards us. Realising there was nothing I could do except prepare and hope for the best.

I went to the family room window to look out fully expecting to see a stormy sky but what I saw instead was a perfectly starry one. I could see Venus shining brightly in the middle of the other stars. Orion’s belt as clear as day. But there was a red hue in the distance letting me know we were definitely experiencing the calm before the storm.

I went to Yoga at lunch time trying to clear my head of the jumble. Trying to shake the headache with the meditative flow of Yin Yoga. I held those meditative poses  for as long as I could releasing the heat from my body. Allowing space for positive energy to flow back in. Feeling joyous and at peace when I was done.  I felt so much better for taking the time to centre myself. Refocus on the now rather than projecting into something I had no control over. And then I heard the Hurricane was moving further to the East, away from us, sparing us the worst of her wrath. And I was grateful. So grateful.

This morning I got up at 5 and went to the window right away and was greeted by the same starry sky as yesterday morning. The moon so bright it almost felt like someone had turned a light on. There were heavy clouds on the peripherals of the sky indicating all was not as perfect as it seemed. But instead of worrying about what was coming I decided to be grateful for what was right in front of me in that moment. And immediately felt relief flow through me.

I thought about the beautiful day yesterday. My children having a great first day at school. Me going back to work back taking the time to do Yoga and refocus myself. Of all the positive events and people that I came across. I thought about how people tend to look out for each other and reach out to each other whenever there is a hurricane coming. I realised hurricanes come  to help us to clear all the negative energy in ourselves so we can think of all that we have to be grateful for rather than all that we do not.

Hurricanes help to move all the stagnant air in the atmosphere including that which we are producing . They come to help us to begin anew as does everything after the devastation they may cause.  The ocean is still booming. My pressure headache has lessened indicating to me that Hurricane Leslie is not as much a threat to us as she was yesterday. That she has shifted away.  The sky is not yet ominous and I have decided hurricanes are a part of nature just like the most beautiful days are and I am grateful for them all for I know everything has a purpose.

I have decided to contribute to the positive energy that is flowing around my Island home right now. That generosity of spirit and genuine concern for each other that is being shared as we wish each other the best through Hurricane Leslie. And who knows that positive energy alone may push her that much further to the East giving us a reprieve from her wrath. Reminding me always that Nature is all powerful and we are a part of her power. Nature is a part of us and we are a part of nature. The oneness that we are.

Infusing me with the intention to just go with the flow. To enjoy the calm before the storm because this is going to be a long and stormy weekend but nowhere near as bad as we had first anticipated. And I am going to send out as much love and light as I can to the Universe with the hope that my family, our home and my little Island is spared from the wrath of Hurricane Leslie. 

Learning to take heed of nature's warnings

Yesterday morning my husband asked me to come outside and listen to a strange sound. We walked to the back porch and he said, “Listen, can you hear that sound?”

I listened and before I could answer he said, “It sounds like a giant air conditioner.”

“It’s the sound of the ocean booming,” I answered.

“No way,” he said.

“That is definitely the sound of the ocean,” I responded.

And as I listened, I could hear the ocean getting stronger. Hungrier. More aggressive because it is being fuelled by the storm that is heading our way.

Many years before our landlady told us about the sound of the booming ocean. The constant sound of an indescribable noise, almost like a white noise, she told us, is the South Shore building. The direction where the majority of our hurricanes come from is the place that first lets us know that something is crossing her by her changing sound.  Instead of the soothing background noise of the ocean, it becomes more threatening. More prominent. Like a whirring sound. Now that we live near to the South Shore again some 15 years after our landlady had told us about the sound, my husband had forgotten it but I had not.

Still not believing me, my husband decided to drive down to Elbow Beach to see for himself. He came back a little while later and said the water didn’t look that bad but the sound was definitely coming from the ocean. Building, getting stronger. Growing as the storm gets nearer.

Last night Tropical Storm Leslie became a Category 1 hurricane with all the perfect conditions to allow her to grow even stronger before she hits us because she is moving so slowly. And she is forecasted to be a direct hit. A slow moving one at that. So we are in for a long and stormy weekend. We haven’t had a large hurricane like this since Fabian nine years ago when my daughter was only a baby and my son a tot. And we lived in a different home so experiencing a hurricane of this magnitude in this house will be a new experience for us. And honestly, I am a bit nervous but I’m trying to remain calm.

And even if I tried to fool myself into thinking we will not get much of a storm, I know it is going to be bad because yesterday I woke up with a pressure headache. And I still have it today. I only get them when the pressure is dropping outside. Showing how in tune our bodies really are with nature. And nature has been showing us her best – avocado trees fuller than I have ever seen since we moved into this house 5 years ago. Pear trees full of pears. Everything blooming as nature prepares to shed under the weight of the wind. Silk spiders building their nests close to the ground last weekend warning us of a hurricane coming. The ocean booming preparing us for what was crossing her.

Letting me know even before all the modern technology to tell us about pending hurricanes, nature always had a way of forewarning us. Reminding me how important it is to take heed of nature's warnings and signs  because nature is always responding to its changing environment. Altering itself to best survive and thrive. As can we if we take the time to observe and respond accordingly. 

Papa will you read to me please?

“Papa, will you read to me please?” My daughter asked my husband and her father last night and it sent shivers down my spine. Making me realise how quickly the carefreeness of summer had flown by and my children were signalling that it was time to get back to their routines. The ones that make them feel the most comforted. The ones that end their day with sharing.

I had been sitting at my computer trying to decide what to write. What to do next when I heard those words. I listened as my husband hesitated. Not seeing his face but feeling the surprise on his face that he had been asked. Listening to him reply, “Sure, I’ll read to you.” I could feel my daughter’s pleasure through the walls and imagined her snuggling in tight to her papa so she could feel the sound of his voice reverberating through her. Comforting her.

I got up from my computer and walked to my 13 year old son’s room. Opened the door and walked in. He was lying on his stomach reading a book. I hesitated for a moment not sure what to do. He did not turn but I asked hesitantly, “Would you like me to read to you?” He turned and looked at me. Expression confused. “If you want to,” he replied in that 13 year old way that those of us who have adolescents know all too well. And at first I was going to get indignant with him for his sullen reply but cast it aside because of the feeling I had experienced hearing my 9 year old asking to be read to by her father. So I persisted.

“Would you like me to read to you?” I asked again.

“Yes,” he replied.

“Did we finish the last book of Eragon?”I asked.

“No,” he replied.

“Should we finish or should we do something else?”

“No," he said, “I would like us to finish Eragon. I have wanted us to finish it for a long time.”

“So why didn’t you ask?”

“Because I thought you were too busy,” he replied.

My heart nearly broke when he said that. Here I was thinking he was thinking he was too old for me to read to him since his sullen moods had escalated. His adolescent noncaring attitude sometimes pushing us apart. But what he wanted more than ever, as did my daughter, was our routines of being read to every night. Somehow we had stopped reading together during the summer holiday. Everyone too busy doing their own thing. Off on our own. Not sharing that end of day intimacy that opens the door for conversations that would not otherwise happen.

I got the book off his desk and sat on the edge of his bed. Close enough that we were touching but not too close to make him feel his space had been invaded. And then I started reading to him. And got the biggest surprise and lesson when I was least expecting it. On the first page of the book, I read a line that was a reminder of a message I had forgotten all about. A message that had been told to me last year during a Reiki session when I was seeking direction and the phrase was, “Choose wisely.” Goosebumps appeared over my arms as I read and reread that phrase several times. Explaining to my son that it was a reminder to me that life is all about the choices we make. And last night I had chosen wisely to read to my son and we both enjoyed every minute of it. Neither of us wanting it to end. Snuggling together reading for over a half hour. Re-establishing that intimacy that we had lost.

Sometimes our children are our angels. Sometimes they are our demons. Always they are here to teach us more about ourselves and themselves. Last night I learnt it is those simple routines that often mean the most to our children. That bring them back into our fold. And I’m glad I took heed of my message last night to choose wisely and I will carry that message with me today and all the days to come because the most rewarding pleasures in life come from the choices we make from the heart.

Erecting walls has become symbolic of the times we live in

Yesterday morning when I was walking, I was shocked to see a gated home with a sign that read, “Entry by appointment only.” I was offended by the sign particularly when I thought back to the Bermuda of my youth when we roamed freely through the hills. Using neighbours’ yards as short cuts. And nothing was private property. Thinking when did my Island home become a place where homes are gated and worse yet when did we become a society that decided we are so important that the only way people can come to visit is by appointment only. When did we start closing ourselves off? Creating an elitist society?

As I walked along, I realised erecting walls has become the new thing in Bermuda. People enclosing themselves from their neighbours. Putting up barriers between each other. Shutting the outside world out. Cocooning ourselves from others. Not knowing who our neighbours are in our quest for privacy and status.

We have moved so far from that society where there were no street names. Where we used to give directions using landmarks such as other people’s homes. Now no one knows who lives where because we are erecting walls. Putting up gates and electric fences. Closing ourselves in. Shutting each other out. Erecting signs that say, “Entry by appointment only.”

We have become so impersonal in our quest for wealth and status that we have forgotten it is our dependence on each other that fuels love and understanding, peace and empathy, openness and compassion. Not walls. Walls only invite in those we do not want. Walls increase our chances of being invaded and broken into. Walls create barriers so our neighbours become our enemies rather than our guardians.

 There was a time not so long ago when everyone in the neighbourhood knew each other. Looked out for each other. Cared enough about each other that there were no door keys because there was always someone in the neighbourhood who knew what was going on. Who kept watch over the neighbourhood, the children, our homes. And no one dared take anything or harm anyone without the grapevine finding out and punishing the culprit. Or even better no one did anything because they did not want to embarrass their families. Now people pull their curtains and turn their backs to the crimes being committed right in front of them because they have been raised to believe it is none of their business. A direct consequence of the walls we are erecting. The barriers we are creating.

By erecting walls and gates and shutting each other out, putting up no trespassing signs and getting angry if anyone intrudes on our space, we are attracting the very danger in that we are trying to keep out. There is nothing more attractive to someone than what they cannot have. The more security we put in, the more likely it is we will be intruded upon. Because the criminals know there is no one watching over the neighbourhood and if they can get over the walls or through the gates no one will see them. Because ironically, they become protected by the very walls we have erected to keep them out. That’s why there are so many more break-ins. Because criminals have grown up seeing no one knows each other anymore. That the dollar is more important than intimacy. That there is no such thing as a true neighbourhood anymore.

Erecting walls is symbolic of the times we are living in because we have become prisoners of our possessions and status. Afraid that one day someone will come along and take them from us so we hide behind our walls. Holding on tight to what we have rather than tearing down the walls and sharing with our neighbours so that information can flow freely again. People will care about each other again. And we can become communities again rather than strangers fighting to keep everyone out. Only then will we be able to go back to the African proverb that says, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Only then will we be set free. Because we will teach our children that no man is an Island. That we are all dependent on each other and with the erection of walls and gates all we are doing is shutting out the possibility that exists beyond our walls.

Sometimes we just have to round the bend

This morning the call of a new day was beckoning me outside. Taunting me. Trying to rouse me out of my comfortable and secure bed. Pulling me. Telling me it was time to get up and enjoy this new beginning. This new day. Letting me know the conditions were perfect for me to start all over again. But I resisted the call. Telling myself instead that it was much cooler inside. Too hot out there and I would ruin my hair. Excuses. Excuses. Telling myself I could not go out in shorts because of the cellulite on my thighs and if I wore long pants I would roast. More excuses. Excuses.

The pull and resistance started at 6.04 and didn’t end until 7.40  when finally my heart won over my ego. When the call of the outside. The call of the new beginning was too powerful for my ego. Too powerful for the darkness that wanted to keep me in the dark. Telling me I wasn’t good enough or didn’t deserve to start the new day with a fresh beginning. My heart filled my soul with love snuffing out the darkness. My ego. Silencing it.

With my ego safely pushed aside, I got up and went to the bathroom. Looked outside the window. What greeted me outside was too perfect for me to resist. Blue skies. Clear. Celeste (as they say in Spanish). Still air. White puffy clouds – the ones that make you believe in magic. The ones you think you could float on and play on. My beautiful orange honeysuckle bush full of orange and vibrant blossoms. Avocado trees full of avocadoes. Abundance all around. Inviting me outside. I exhaled for a long time. Got dressed for a walk and accepted the invitation of the outdoors.

I walked outside and inhaled deeply. Breathing in the crisp fresh morning air. Listening to the sound of a bird whose call I had not heard before and could not identify. Enjoying the newness of its call. And then I just let my feet guide me. Not worrying about my hair getting ruined. Not worrying about the cellulite on my thighs. Not worrying about who saw me that I knew. Pulling my cap over my eyes so I could shut all the unnecessary distractions out. Just allowing my thoughts and feet to take me where they were meant to. As I rounded one of the bends of my walk, the walls and foliage gave way to a panoramic view of the harbour. Calm, peaceful and wide open. As beautiful as a picture and I felt a lump form in my throat. Gratitude spreading through me for the abundance I have in my life and all around me. Accepting and understanding the whole world is out there waiting for me to be whatever I want to be. I just have to have the nerve to round the bend to allow for the wide open spaces and not be afraid of being exposed.

Walking with a new sense of purpose then. Feeling free and glad that I decided to start this new day walking in nature on my own. Taking in all that is alive and well around me. Reminding me so am I. Free to start a new day. A new moment. A new beginning anytime I choose because each moment is a new beginning. And then when I came home I read my quote for the day, “There is a new spring in my step. My life is changing for the better.” And then I exhaled because I am on the right track by getting up every single morning with gratitude and love and going where my heart leads me.

Because there is nothing like the feel of listening to and following our hearts. Nothing at all. 

The blue moon making way for new beginnings

August ended with a blue moon. Making way for a new beginning. A new month. September.  The end of August always signifies the end of summer for me. Making way for fall. When I was young I used to get really sad when I thought of summer ending. Thinking it meant my wings were going to be clipped because I had to go back to school.

Now that I’m older I realise life is a process. A journey. Full of beginnings and endings. Full of people that come into my life for a reason. Sometimes to stay for a short while. Just enough to teach me a lesson. Sometimes there are those that come and go. In and out of my life. Often to reconnect me with myself. To remind me of instances in my life that become pivotal. To remind me of how not to be. And then there are others who are in my life for the duration. Those who stand by me through thick and thin. Those who do not judge me, envy me, or betray me.

When I was younger I used to resent certain people. Feel they were intruding in my space uninvited. Or I used to feel deep hatred toward those who hurt me. Cutting them off. Believing they were no good to me. But as I have grown older and begun to explore my feelings and the world a bit more, I realise that every single one of those people that came and come into my life are there to teach me a lesson. Some to teach me how to be. Others to teach me how not to be.

So I no longer hold resentment to anyone for long periods of time. Sure I feel hurt when I discover the true nature of people. I feel the pain deep in my gut because I am human and I do have feelings. But what I tell myself is this too shall pass. And I tell myself regardless of how much someone has hurt me, they have actually been sent as my angel. I realise they are here to either force me to face my shadow self – exposing my flaws to me and asking me to examine my own motives and correct them. Or they are here to expose me to my spiritual self – the one that is here to bring love, light, compassion, empathy and understanding to myself and to those I encounter.  And then I accept the lesson. The hardest lesson being the one that hurts me the most and I breathe through it quietly thanking the Universe and the person for helping me. And invariably, in time, the pain eases. The person no longer bothers me and eventually if they are meant to, they disappear or change. Not because I forced them to change but because I changed the way I reacted to them by releasing my attachment and expectations of them. Only then does my pain disappear completely but the lesson always remains.

Just like August has ended signalling the ending of summer. And September has started signalling the beginning of school for my children and the coming of fall, there is a time and place for everything and everyone. Sometimes people are meant to be in our lives forever and other times they are not. It is up to us to learn the lessons they bring so we will be able to distinguish between those who are meant to be in our lives for the duration and those who aren’t. Loving them and letting them go just the same. I try to teach this lesson to my children every single day particularly when they are hurting about people that have hurt them. And one day hopefully they will learn through my example that they can’t hold on to pain that is caused by something beyond their control because all they will be doing is inviting in the same pain and not being able to move beyond to find out how they are meant to be and, more importantly, how they are not meant to be.

In life there is a season for everything and everyone. Sometimes we’re up and sometimes we’re down. But if we remain full of forgiveness, full of love, full of compassion and full of empathy, in time all will be revealed to us. Only then will we see life is a journey. A process. Full of beginnings and endings.