Pick your friends wisely

I was reading my Florida sister’s blog, @The Daily Own, called 12 Lesson Everyone Should Know. And it was this lesson that resonated with me, "If you get in the mud with the pigs, the mud is bound to come off on you.  So pick your friends wisely."

A light bulb went off in my head about why I was feeling so dirty yesterday. It forced me to reflect on an experience I had when I sat in judgement about someone else. Said horrible things about the person because they have said horrible things about me. And it did not feel right deep down in my soul when I said the things I said or afterward either.

My philosophy in life is two wrongs don’t make a right. And just because someone says something hurtful about me does not give me the right to try to hurt them back. Because if I do, I am jumping in the mud and getting covered in it.

I do not like being dirty. And I most definitely do not like being in the mud with pigs. And now I know, yesterday I allowed my ego to take over. Used my ego to make myself feel strong. To feel like I had risen above the attacks of others. But in fact all I did was end up waist deep in the mud. Feeling guilty. Reckless and ashamed that I had.

So reading my sisters’ blog helped me tor remember that I need to be careful about allowing my ego to get in the way of the light, love and peace I want in my life. Because the only way I am going to attract them and keep them in my life is to give them. We always get what we give. It’s the laws of the Universe.

So today I am planning to shower for that little while longer. Washing that mud off my body. Out of my soul and spirit. Cleansing my mind of the guilt and shame for reducing myself to that level. Forgiving myself for doing what I did. Forgiving the person for the unkind words they have been uttering about me. Surrendering to the lesson that I was meant to learn from getting in the mud. And going back out into the world as the beacon of light, love and peace that I am.

And for my sisters in Florida @The Daily Own for reminding me about how much I dislike being in the mud, I am truly grateful.

The Daily Own

Doing small things with great love

This weekend a friend and I were sending each other emails talking about where we are in life, where we thought we would be in life and where we would like to be in life. We met some thirteen years ago when we were at pivotal and transitional periods of our lives. When we became new mothers. When we changed our lives to become full time mothers. To understand what our new  roles meant. To conquer motherhood as we had done in our pervious lives as corporate women.

We used to walk and talk for hours, pushing our boys, trying to right the Universe. Trying to understand where we were in our lives and what motherhood meant to us. We spent lots of time together talking philosophically about everything. She from England. She from a creative career. Me from Bermuda. Me from an analytical career. Two different women from two different cultures, backgrounds but brought together for a common cause to provide companionship to each other during a period of significant growth. To help each other. To direct each other. To contradict each other. To pick each other up.

She was in my life for three solid years. Then she left. Went back home. And though we stay in touch, it changes according to where we are in our lives. According to whether there is a need for us to be in each other’s live consistently or not. Lately we have been more in each other’s lives because we are on the cusp of something again. Something we can’t figure out. So once again we are fully immersed in each other – some ten years later. Living vicariously through each other. Challenging each other to be the best woman, mother, wife, friend, sister that we can. Sending each other long emails about life, people, opportunity, marriage, motherhood, psychology, spirituality. She in England. Me in Bermuda. Two different women from two different cultures brought together again to help each other grow.

On Mother’s Day we connected in a major way. Both of us confessing some pretty raw emotions to the other. Separated by distance. Brought together by technology. Hearts open. Souls bare. Because when we have true friendship we can ride the distance. We can ride the times when we are not in each other’s lives. We can ride the challenges we face.

For my birthday she sent me a book called Radical Acceptance, Embracing Your Life With The Heart Of  A Buddha by Tara Brach PH.D. I have to admit when I got the book, its title intimidated me. Scared me even. I love the concept of Buddha but to actually receive a book about it, I was afraid that if I read it and did not find the answers I needed I would be disappointed. So I put it to one side. On my night stand near me but I did not touch it.

But for some reason after our exchange over the weekend I knew she had sent it to me for a reason. I knew she was back in my life for a reason. So last night I opened the book to a random page after asking the Universe a question.

And this is how the Universe answered me through the book, “The bodhisattva’s aspiration, “May my life be of benefit to all beings” is a powerful tool for remembering our belonging and widening the circles of our compassions. In resolving to help all suffering beings, the bodhisattva is not assuming a grandiose role or holding to some unreachable ideal. If we see ourselves as small and separate individuals trying to take on the world as our responsibility, we set ourselves up for delusion and failure. Rather, our aspiration to be of benefit arises from the radical realization that we all belong to the web of life, and that everything that happens within it affects everything else. Every thought we have, every action we take has an impact for good or for ill. An aboriginal woman from Australia speaks from this sense of relatedness in a powerful way: If you have come to help me, then you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your destiny is bound up with mine, then let us work together.”

“When we feel togetherness, there are countless ways to express our care.  ...While it is easy to get caught up in believing we should be doing something more or different, what really matters is that we care. As Mother Teresa teaches “We can do no great things – only small things with great love.”

And then I knew. And then I understood. The Universe is providing for me in every way. It is giving me direction and answers every single day. Just not in the way I imagined the answers would come but they are there. And I am important. I am here for a reason. I am playing a pivotal role in my life and the lives of others every single day just by caring. Just by being all that I am. And I cannot force anything. Cannot change fate. But I can be grateful, thankful for all that I have and I will continue to live out my life as a caring being. Doing small things with great love. And I am. And I shall.

This blog is dedicated to my dear sister friend from England who helped me to shift my consciousness. To retell my story. From a physical distance but in a spiritual closeness. Thank you sister friend. Thank you.

Appreciating Motherhood and Womanhood

Yesterday was one of those magical days. Where when I woke up I could feel the magic in the air. I could smell it and I felt like I could touch it.

I woke up with a wonderful feeling of positive energy and purpose knowing it was Mother’s Day. My family was all excited about Mother’s Day and they did their best to make the day as restful and peaceful as they could for me. My husband and children presented me with lovely flowers and cards and let me have the day to myself.

In the morning and early afternoon, I sat out in the sun reading a magazine, doing a crossword puzzle, basking in the beautiful day. Feeling the heat of the sun penetrating my body making every cell in my body feel alive again.

I looked up at the clouds sweeping by in the sky. Some looking like angels.  I inhaled and exhaled. And I gave a silent thank you to the Universe for the abundance I have in my life. For giving me the gift of Motherhood. The gift of learning so much more about myself through the eyes of a mother. Facing the challenges of raising children knowing I don’t have all the answers. Praying that I get it right so I can send my children out into the world as givers rather than as takers. As caring people who have compassion and empathy for their fellow mankind.

Then later that afternoon, I got dressed to go with the women in my family to Tom Moore’s Tavern for lunch. To freely celebrate Motherhood and Womanhood. Recognising that they are one in the same for the majority of us. When we were seated, I looked around the table at the other eight women. Stole glimpses in their eyes. Wondering what stories they were carrying with them. Wondering if motherhood sometimes scared them as much as it does me from time to time. Wondering if they worried about whether they would be around to see their children’s lives unfold. As I do every day considering my mother suddenly died when I was so young. And so was she.

I could see none of that worry in their faces because everyone was relaxed because it was Mother’s Day. The conversations were shifting from one topic to the other. As each woman was trying to have her story be heard in the limited amount of time we had. It was lovely to see the different generations of women – mothers and daughters – sharing the same space. Mothers who had birthed their daughters interacting with those daughters who had birthed themselves.

We talked like there was no separation in generations because once we become mothers a new understanding of motherhood and womanhood develops. Those of us who may have judged our mothers understand that motherhood is not something anyone can teach us. It is learned. Every single second, minute, hour of every single day. We understand there is nothing that can prepare us for motherhood except the experience of it itself.

Each one of us approaches motherhood with the tools we have learned through our life experiences and hence it is constantly evolving as are we. I loved yesterday because none of us stood in judgement of the other. We just were. Appreciating each other for who we are.

I looked around the table and thought of the matron that is left of my mother’s family. Sitting to my left. My mother’s only sister and only surviving member of my mother’s immediate family. Sometimes I feel twinges of jealousy toward her because she knew my mother for much longer than I did. But it also pulls me closer to her because I know when I need it she can speak my mother’s name with love and understanding.

Looking at her lined face now. Feeling a sadness wash over me knowing my mother’s face never had the time to develop the lines of time because she was only 44 when she died.  Looking at my aunt and thinking of all she has seen. Thinking of all she has learned. Turning to my right to look at my oldest sister who stepped in for a few years after my mother died to guide me, help me. The one who I used to think knew it all. The one who I often fought with because she was not my mother and I wished she would stop trying. Appreciating her for what she gave me.

I look around the table again with different eyes then. Appreciating the fact the my sister, just like my Aunt, and my cousins, the other women seated at the table, the other women seated at the other tables in the restaurant  are just like me. We are all doing the best we can with the resources we have. Mothering as only we know how. 

There truly is a lot of beauty in this world

There is truly a lot of beauty in this world. Take a look at a rose.

A lot of peace and peaceful people. Look at the face of the Dalai Lama, Oprah, Mother Theresa. Ghandi, Martin Luther King. Look into their eyes.

A lot of love and like minded people. Look at the face of a baby. The clarity of his eyes.

A lot of compassion and compassionate people. Look into the eyes of an elderly person.

A lot of extraordinary ordinary things. A lot of ordinary extraordinary things. Take a look at the clouds in a blue sky. The leaves rustling in the breeze. A butterfly fluttering by.

There is a symphony of sounds around us naturally every day if we stop to listen. Listen to the sound of the pouring rain. Listen to the sound of the wind. Listen to the sound of birds chirping.  Listen to the sound of silence. Listen.

Sometimes we are too blind to see and hear the wonders that unfold every single day. Sometimes it is obscured from our vision. Blocked out from our hearing. Because our focus is on the negative. On what’s wrong rather than on what’s right.  Attracting more of what we believe into our lives rather than what we want and need.

By writing this blog I have discovered so many beautiful and wonderful people searching for the light. Searching for peace. Searching for love, understanding and joy. Trying to live their lives as light beings the majority of the time. I have connected with people whose hearts, bodies, minds and souls are in alignment with the natural order of the Universe  allowing them to radiate love. Inspiring people. I have met people who don’t take nature for granted. Who don’t take people for granted or themselves for that matter. And as a consequence a light shines out from them into my heart allowing me to send that light back out into the hearts of others. If they are open to receive it.

I was looking at my friend’s Facebook page and came across two wonderful Facebook pages called Rumi quotes and Kahlil Gibran. The photos and graphics used on these pages are just as beautiful and just as illuminating as the words used from these famous prophets and gurus. Inspirational words that resonated through my whole being.

I used to be one who was totally against all of the social networking sites because of the damage they can cause. But now that I am writing my blog (which has allowed me to open my mind to many people, places and things I would not have otherwise), I totally understand the benefits of social media if it is used in a positive manner.

Social media is far reaching. And it is Universal. It allows us to hear from friends far and near. To connect with people we may not otherwise connect with. It is a powerful tool to spread messages of love, light and peace around the world. Instantaneously.  

I am happy to be a part of social networking. It allows me and other like minded people to spread messages of hope. Of peace. Of love and light to all those likeminded people who are open to receive it.

There truly is a lot of love and light and compassion and peace in this world. We just have to be in the frame of mind to connect with it. All we need to do is move in circles of likeminded people. Of compassionate and loving people and soon our world will be expanded to become a part of that energy. And we will embrace that energy. Allowing us to become better people.

Remembering always there is a lot of beauty in this world. A lot of love. A lot of peace. A lot of joy. A lot of light. Enough for us all to share in. To connect with because we are all one. Each connected from a tiny atom that joined to form the reality we live in. And share.

May you share in the natural beauty, love, light, peace, and joy in your world today. As I intend to.

Atmospheric energy changes enabling me to see the golden opportunities ever present

It's Friday morning. Hallelujah! The morning of end of the work week.  A week that has seemed to go by as slowly as the pouring of molasses.

I woke up this morning to the sound of pouring rain outside. A welcome sound because my little Island has been facing a drought so we very much need the rain. I stayed in bed for a bit listening to the rain. Trying to match the relief I felt from its sound to the relief I felt in my bones about the end of this work week.

Thoughts of this trying week raced through my mind. I questioned what the week meant and why I was all over the place. Thoughts scattered. Highly sensitive. On edge. Tired one minute then feeling on top of the world the next. Driven one minute then not the next. Knowing what I want then not the next.

I have been talking to a lot of people and it seems a lot of them are feeling the same. Most everyone I’ve spoken to is feeling a bit lost. But not enough to be able to put their finger on why. A sentiment I understand totally.

So I went in search of something that would explain the why. Once I read there is a lot of activity happening in our universe I instantly understood the why. The sun is emitting solar flares. We just experienced the largest and closet full moon for the year. Our atmosphere is going crazy. All this shifting atmospheric energy is wreaking havoc on our energy causing us to experience lots of mixed emotions. Making us feel out of sorts. Out of place. Unable to face the most mundane task that we have to do. Instead we are seeking the more that’s out there.

Worrying about the future. Fretting about the past. Rather than accepting all we have is this moment. That the past is gone. Done. History. And there is nothing we can do to change it. That the future is beyond our grip always. And if we focus on the past and future, we will lose sight of where we are. Causing us to lose out on opportunities that are presenting themselves to us every single day.

And then I sat down to write my blog and was halfway through when Microsoft Word froze on me. Stopped working while I was in the middle of my thought process. And I had not saved my document. Gone just like that. I got up from my computer and looked outside to make sure a solar flare had not hit the outside! Stealing my thoughts.

Seeing nothing but wet trees swaying in the breeze and hearing the sound of birds chirping, I knew all was well. So I sat back down and patiently went about trying to recover my documents. And finally I got them back but not the story I had compiled but the original document I had been working on.

Exasperated I then took a deep breath and did nothing for a few moments. Then I just started writing again to see where I would end up. Not fretting about what I had lost. Just concentrating on writing what I was meant to write. During the time I was waiting for my thoughts to settle I read the Louise Hay flip calendar and it said, “Golden opportunities are everywhere. I take advantage of all of them today.”

It was then that I realised I was being given a golden opportunity to start all over again. To just write. To just let the emotional rollercoaster sink through my being. To just let the joy of the rain permeate my soul. To just let go and enjoy the moment for what it is because then I would see the opportunities that are ever present even when I think I am lost.

This week has been a week fraught with distraction, exasperation and frustration but it has also been a week of realignment, a chance for my emotions to play out, a chance to go through a shift just like the Universe is experiencing at the moment. Understanding that the only constant is change. And if I embrace that message then I will see the opportunities in everything.

Also understanding that we are all interconnected by one energy that streams throughout our Universe. Every action creates a wave for an equal and opposite reaction.  Here’s to the golden opportunities waiting for us all to tap into.

Why are we attracted to the negative?

I have been grappling with a way to tackle how we are more prone to accept and expect negativity than we are positivity. Why are our brains wired to connect to negative comments, people and places and events rather than the positive ones?

Is it because in our heart of hearts we don’t believe we deserve happiness or the best? Is it because we are wired to believe that the glass truly is half empty than it is half full.

Why is it that most of us take glee in gossiping about others?  Finding fault with others? Is it because then it deflects the attention away from our own shortcomings?

I have been trying to understand why sometimes I can fall prey to the one negative comment that has been said about me rather than the multitude of positive comments that have been made. I have spent the last couple of weeks trying to write and rewrite this blog but each time it came across as painting myself as a victim which I don’t like to do. In my whole life regardless of what has happened to me I have never looked at myself as a victim. I have always known that things happen for a reason and that in the end I will discover an invaluable lesson from whatever experience I have been through.

But yet I still get hurt when someone says something about me that is contrary to the way I am or want to be. Why is that? Is it because there is a shadow self within me that takes those comments on. That feels like the negative comment is valid because there is a part of me that really is that way? Is that the case for us all?

Is there some kind of warped balance thing that we are always trying to attain? That on the flip side of good there is evil. On the flip side of happiness there is sadness. On the flip side of abundance there is scarcity. Are we always striving to be somewhere in the middle because deep down inside we feel too much of a good thing is a bad thing?

I have been researching why our brains work the way they do but found no concrete answer. However I now strongly feel the reason I am susceptible to these feelings is because I am human. We are human. We are always looking for and seeking approval even when we say we aren’t. Even the most successful and confident people are looking for validation because we are all vulnerable. Vulnerability allows doubts to creep in. Opens the door for that shadow self to waltz on through. Vulnerability is the reason why we are attracted to the negative because we all know that there by the grace of God go I.  We all know that life can change in an instant and we could be wallowing in the pain of our counterparts.

But what we also need to do is live in the moment. Accept the good for what it is. Don’t live too much in the dark holding on to negativity because we will never see the good in anything. And there is just as much good in life as there is bad. Our roles in life are constantly changing according to where we are. Sometimes we will be on top. Sometimes not. Sometimes in the light. Sometimes not. Sometimes in favour. Other times not.

The reason why we are constantly shown the reverse is to teach us compassion. And that’s why we are attracted to the negative because opposites attract. But it is up to us to find the balance.  And to remember always as a Zen proverb says, “The reverse side also has a reverse side.”           

Learning to "Flip that Switch"

Last night I watched one of my favourite shows, The Big C, and it was hilarious and moving at the same time.

In the show, Paul was recruited as a motivational speaker to talk about his near death experience. When he was first called up on the stage he was very nervous and rambled on a bit before he found his groove allowing him to tell a moving story. He unexpectedly had the audience eating out of the palm of his hand. When he finished they applauded him and you could see the pride and surprise written all over Paul’s face.

As a result of his performance, he was asked back by the woman to open for her next show. Once that happened Paul believed he had to be something other than what he was. He thought he had to recreate his story. Make it bigger. So he worked with an assistant to develop a new image for himself.

He walked on stage and bombed because he was trying too hard to be a performer rather than being himself. He delivered a speech rather than telling his story. The audience was clearly bored with him because he came across as plastic. Not someone they could relate to. He used lots of jargon and jingles but none of it was him. Then the Universe interceded and caused him to have the beginnings of a heart attack on stage. So his assistant rushed onto the stage and jolted his heart causing Paul to collapse on stage.

The lights were dimmed and there was panic in the air until Paul said everything is all right. The light were turned back on. And Paul was different. Not cocky. Not confident. But more reflective. More authentic because after a scare like that something happens to our psyche. It goes into survival mode. All pretence goes. All of the superficial goes. Instead we become more thoughtful. More aware of the gift we call life. And how quickly everything can change.

This time when Paul spoke, he was more humble and he spoke from his heart. Bringing the audience into his inner circle. Talking authentically rather than artificially. And he basically told people that no matter what happens to them. No matter how horrible everything may seem. No matter how dark the days may be, it is up to them, to all of us, to just “Flip that Switch”.

And what he meant by that was each one of us has the ability to change our outlook on life. Each one of us carries the magic inside of us that can change the reality we are facing because we hold the key to shifting our consciousness. “Flip that switch” has stayed in my mind and I intend to use his words whenever I am feeling any negativity coming on. I also was reminded by Paul that whenever we are not our authentic selves no one wants to be in our space. When we are authentically who we are meant to be, people are attracted to us.

It is time for all of us to embrace the real us. And the good thing is we don’t have to wait until we are faced with a life and death situation before we embrace who we are. We have the ability everyday to  listen to what the real us wants and needs. And once we do, we can go out into the world as light and loving beings. Enabling us to deflect negative energy away from us because we will move beyond the ego and embrace love.

So everyone it is up to us to be authentic in order to be able to “flip that switch” to start living the life we are meant to live. I don’t know about you but today I intend to “Flip that Switch” as much as I can. 

Remembering that lessons come from the least expected places sometimes but when we are open to receiving them the Universe delivers all the time. Who would have thought a TV show would remind me that it is up to me to be who I am meant to be, get what I am meant to get simply by allowing myself to "Flip that Switch".