Stepping outside the box midday Monday afternoon

Yesterday morning was one of those mornings when I threw back the curtains with excitement only to find nothing but grey greeting me for the day. A grey and windy Monday morning. No sun. No clear blue skies. Just dull grey light. Heavy clouds. Threatening to rain. Nothing worse than starting the week of to a grey day. I wanted to pull those curtains back and go back to bed. Instead I focused myself. Put myself in the mind set for work and got on with it.

Took my children to school. Listening to them chattering in the back seat. Listening to them discussing their day. Feeling sad when I had to drop them off as each one of us went our own separate way to lead a separate path.

I questioned what kind of day I was going to have. I wondered of all days why did Monday, the first day of the work week, have to be so grey? By the time lunchtime rolled around the grey skies had been replaced with blue, perfect blue, still windy but perfect blue skies and puffy white clouds. I decided to break my routine – to do something different.

I got in my car drove home for lunch – all of 7 minutes from my office to my door-  changed out of my work clothes into my walking clothes and went for a walk. Setting out in the middle of the day like a woman without a care in the world. Pure nirvana. I felt like a naughty school girl skipping school. It was exhilarating. Invigorating.

I walked slowly at first trying to get my bearings. Trying to comprehend what I was doing. Breaking my corporate woman image up and going out as a woman without an agenda. I felt so free to be doing something I wouldn’t normally do. As I walked down the street I inhaled the fresh air, and my pace hastened as the fresh air filled my lungs. Making me want to run down the street with my arms out stretched.

I walked for half an hour just enough to free my mind from the prison it had entered into earlier. As I walked back to my house something told me to look up. So I did. And I saw the leaves of the trees swaying in the breeze. All different colours and shades from red to green to bronze to fuschia. I slowed down a bit to listen to the sound of the wind. A beautiful haunting sound that went through my being. I thought of when I was first pregnant some 14 years ago and how I used to walk first thing in the morning and I used to talk to my unborn son telling him to listen to the sound of the wind. Of how I couldn’t wait to meet him. Of how quickly time has sped by since he entered my life.

I saw birds flitting from tree to tree. Landing. Chirping at each other. I saw the sky beyond the trees. Silhouettes of the leaves against the sun and clouds.  I saw peace, love and possibility. I saw freedom and felt it too. I inhaled deeply. I exhaled long and hard.

 I gave a silent thanks to the Universe for all the abundance and beauty that surrounds me every day. For taking the time to come out and enjoy it. Appreciate it. Be in it. I gave a silent thanks to the Universe for following my instincts to break the mould. To step outside the box and do something I would not normally do. And in doing so I had shifted my energy.  Allowing me to go back to the office ready to tackle whomever or whatever came my way from a fresh point of view.

I gave thanks to the Universe for helping me to remember that sometimes we have to step outside the box to understand there really is no box except for the one we create ourselves. For reminding me that time is precious and it is up to us to make the most of it. For exhaling. For remembering. For rejuvenating. And for that midday interlude I am truly grateful.

That full moon turned me upside down and right side up again

This weekend was a roller coaster ride of emotions for me.
Friday was one of those beautiful days where everything fell into place. When I felt like the Divine was working with me or should I say I was working with the Divine. Staying in the moment the whole time. Enjoying volunteering in the community. Working alongside new people. Giving back. Being outside all day. Not confined to an office. Having breathing space.

Hearing from friends near and far opening up to me about their life experiences. My expression of gratitude giving them the strength to speak from their hearts about their lives.  Their challenges. Their quest to find meaning. All on the day of the largest moon of the year.

But then I was tested yesterday. The day started out with my household on edge because my son had failed to do his homework. Sunday is supposed to be our family day where there is no technology and we are meant to be together. It turned into a day instead of bickering, anger, disappointment and tension.

It was only at the end of the day that I realised I was being tested. That I had to be the one to end the tension. To simmer the feelings of unrest. To bring us all back together because each one of us was wounded from the fight for control that had ensued. Each of us was smarting from the desire to be validated and respected. To be heard. So as my daughter went to bed last night, I gave her an extra hug. As my son went to bed last night, he apologised for causing the day to go off kilter and I forgave him. And he forgave me. We hugged each other that much longer. I apologised to my husband for saying some things to him I didn’t need to say.

And I knew I had the capacity in my heart and psyche to do so because I knew deep down I was being tested about how deep my well for gratitude really is. I also understood that it was a part of the beautiful full moon that was so close to us that was stirring up lots of emotions for us all. Bringing us face to face with our shadow selves. Forcing us to experience angst, inner turmoil and question where we are going with our lives. But to see the gift in the moon to see how its beauty had entranced me at first to taking me to the depths of despair all in one weekend was exhausting, exhilarating and exciting at the same time.

For the light of the moon and the shadow of the moon mirroring me I am truly grateful. Filling me with hope and promise. Letting me know I am part of a much larger Universe. Of an infinite Universe with no beginning and no end. And I cannot try to comprehend it all but rather live it for what it is.

Remembering standing down at the bottom of the moon as my son said it looked like a perfect marble but it’s millions of times larger, I felt a connection to the vastness of the Universe that exists all around me. Feeling chills knowing it was here before me and will be here after me as well. Humbling me to accept I am a part of it and not separate from it.

Letting me know if I work on myself and improve myself and go out into the world as a giving and compassionate being I will help people along the way to find their light as well. To know I am not here to solve life’s great mysteries for everyone as I am a part of that mystery myself. But to know I am here to learn as much as I can. Teach as much as I can. Accept as much as I can. Express gratitude as much as I can. Love as much as I can. Forgive as much as I can. And to live my life as best I can. My life.  Not anyone’s life. Not even my children’s. To know I am sometimes the teacher and sometimes the student. To know I am love, pure love.

To know we are all one. Interconnected in more ways than we can imagine. By expressing gratitude I was able to feel the gratitude of many near and far who needed an outlet for some of what they are experiencing. And for this experience of bringing light to those who may doubt they have it, a place for them to hear their voice again, I am truly grateful and inspired.  Because it was their light that helped me to find my own again after a very challenging end to my weekend. And for this lesson I am truly grateful.

What lens are you seeing life through?

Last night I tried to capture the moon. So close I could see its crevices. So close it looked like a perfect marble. Tried to freeze its beauty into my little phone lens to cherish it. Remember it. But it was not going to let me. I took several pictures. Holding its image in my head trying to replicate what I saw in my head through my little lens but I could not. Instead what I got were images of what my lens could take.

And then I realised I was being taught a lesson. Life represents what we are capable of holding on to. Capable of seeing. Capable of handling. It is the image of what we reflect and project. Therefore it is not the same for any one of us because we are coming at it from very different perspectives. None of us is in a position to judge the actions of others because we have no idea how weak or strong their lens is. We have no idea whether they have the ability to focus their lens. To enhance the images or not. We have no idea whether they are seeing life through a lens that can’t focus thereby causing them to see only blurred images.

I snapped picture after picture of the moon but the one image that captivated me the most was the image of the light from the moon that seemed to change every time I examined it. If I was religious I would say it represented Jesus on the cross. If I was spiritual I would say it is the image of the light inside of us all. If I was a scientist I would say it is the light being reflected back from the flash on my camera. But if I embody all the interpretations of the image I caught, I will understand it is all of these things because the image is merely reflection of the perception of whomever is interpreting it.

Proving to me that I am a product of my imagination and so are you. Limited or expanded by the lens that I have about whatever I am experiencing. And the irony of it all is that the image I thought I was trying to capture turned out not to be the image I was meant to capture. After taking pictures of the moon, I was drawn to my laughing Buddha sitting laughing at me in the vast moon. I took his picture and his image was as clear and as beautiful as the day letting me know that sometimes the image we are trying to capture is not the one we need.

Life is a series of stories, pictures, images, memories, projections, reflections. It is meant to be lived. Experienced. Ridden. Explored. Shared. Having the ability to alter our direction, perception, projection based upon the lens we are seeing through.

There is always something to be grateful for

A friend recently told me someone she knew said she had nothing to be grateful for. Chills ran down my spine as she said that. The thought of someone believing she had nothing to be grateful compelled me to want to write about the importance of gratitude. The simplicity of gratitude and the abundance of gratitude.

As Iyanla said gratitude is a state of being. It is a part of our genetic makeup . Who we are. Gratitude is what allows us to open our heart to possibility because it allows us to see the abundance that is ever-present in our lives.

Even on our darkest days there is always something to be grateful for. Practising the art of gratitude has allowed me to make it through many a dark day, moment or period. Because gratitude allows me to understand that even the worst moment, the most humiliating moment was there to teach me how not to be. How to treat others in a way that I want to be treated. To learn compassion, forgiveness and faith.

I have experienced several life changing moments I thought were the worst things that could have ever happened  to me. But now that I have moved beyond their pain and suffering I recognise they were some of the greatest gifts I have ever received.

My mother’s sudden death when I was thirteen allowed me to become independent, resourceful, resilient and to know that no matter how bad I think it is there is always someone who is experiencing something worse than I am. And to know the pain goes away and that life continues and it’s okay to live. To be happy.

My son coming 15 days early then deciding to turn around forcing me to have a C-Section shattered me at first. Making me feel less than adequate as a woman because I could not even deliver my firstborn naturally.  The experience taught me to keep an open mind. It’s not what we expect. It’s accepting where we are.

My job shutting down two years ago sending me packing out on the streets publicly was one of the most humbling experiences I have been through. Humiliation. Anger. Hurt were my initial feelings. Because I practise expressing gratitude everyday, I was able to move beyond those feelings to feelings of gratitude because my job shutting down gave me space to breathe. Take a step away from the rat race and rediscover my passion for writing again.

Believe me you don’t need trauma in your life to experience gratitude. To be grateful. To feel gratitude but it often takes a trauma to bring us to our knees to open our mind, body and soul to know there is so much more out there. It was my breast cancer scare some 15 years ago that forced me to stay home to recuperate and while recuperating I watched an Oprah show that changed my life forever. She challenged everyone to start a grateful journal. And my scare made me realise just how much I had to be grateful for so I started that journal. And I have been journaling every single night since.

Every night before I go to sleep, I settle myself down then express gratitude for the events of the day. And I know for sure that when I express gratitude I feel my heart open, my spirits soar and I appreciate so much more about being a part of this journey called life. Joy. Abandonment.

Because I know when I appreciate abundance flows my way. Simply closing my eyes and saying thank you for my breath, my children, my husband, our family, our home, doing the best I can every single days allows more to come my way. And for the blessings of gratitude I am truly grateful.

I have learned to never take anything for granted. To never live a life without gratitude. Without gratitude, we can never experience the richness and fullness of life. And neither will can we learn compassion and forgiveness. Peace and Love. Possibility. Contentment. That life will challenge us but it is up to us to meet the challenge and move beyond it.

A life lived with gratitude is a life well worth living and it is one of the greatest gift we can ever give to ourselves. And for gratitude I am truly grateful. Amen

Miraculously transforming our lives is easier than we think

"Accept—then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it...This will miraculously transform your whole life."
—  Eckhart Tolle

I read this a few days ago and it resonated with me but I did not know why so I stored it away until the time was right to explore it. And it seems this morning is the time.

I am finding myself in situations I did not expect myself to be. My life seems to be speeding by in a blur. Some of my decisions seem to be taking me in directions I did not expect. Some of the people that are entering my life are people I least expected would. Some of the people that are exiting my life are people I least expected would. Sometimes I feel like I am going round and round in circles. Trying to find the way out. Only to find there is no way out.

This week has been a week of trials with people, places and things. I have been left scratching my head about some of the reactions I have had from people making me question myself. I have been amazed by some of the conversations I have been having with people. And then I found this quote by Eckhart Tolle and I knew instantly that I was being sent a message. It just took me a few days to process what the message was and is.

This morning I got it. Felt it. Understood it. I was being told to just accept- then act.

To know that whatever the present moment contains, if I accept it as something I have chosen, I will see the lesson in it. And if I do, I will work for it. Through it. With it. Embrace it. See the benefit of it because I will believe no matter how uncomfortable the present moment is, it is of my choosing. And if I resist it, it will grow until I can’t see beyond it. Hence the feeling of going round in circles. Seeing no end.

Refusing to accept our present moment forces that moment to seem like it is never ending. Owning the present moment and working work with it allows the lesson we are meant to learn happen a lot faster. Allowing the discomfort caused by expectation, ego to dissipate. And go away. Leaving room for the inner self to expand.

I am being told that once I embrace the moment even if it is not what I am expecting, only then will it pass. I will try this as much as possible particularly in those situations where I feel the most uncomfortable because only then will I receive one of the greatest gifts of the Universe – the gift of greater understanding and compassion.

Every moment, every second, every person, every situation, every discomfort has come into our lives because we have chosen it. Embracing it. Seeing through it. Facing it. Is the only way we can reclaim our lives as our own. Making way for us to miraculously transform our lives into the lives we are meant to live.

Thank  you Eckhart Tolle for reminding me just how easy life can be if we accept we are where we are meant to be. Warts and all.

The Power of the Emotional Flood

Saving the best for last. In yesterday’s blog I didn’t write anything about Tony Robbins from the Oprah Life Class Finale because he ended the night so powerfully, I had to give myself space to breathe. To let his words resonate with me. Through me. To fully appreciate what he did for me. What he freed from deep down in my soul.

Tony took us through a process called, The Emotional Flood. I have to admit I was sceptical at first. He started us out with exercises to move our bodies to shift our energy into the space where we could truly listen to and feel the messages from deep within our beings.

My husband was looking over the top of his computer at me as if I was crazy. I smiled at him. Oblivious to his comments as I had my earphones in. Shutting out any distractions, I plugged into the Tony spell. Allowing me to free my spirit to connect with the Universe.

Then Tony told us to close our eyes and place our hands over our hearts. Lilting music came on. Sending tingles down my spine and throughout my body. He told us to feel our heart. Breathe deep into our hearts. To feel the power of our hearts. To feel grateful for our hearts. And I did. I felt a deep connection to my heart. A deep connection to my inner world and space. A deep connection to possibility. I was hooked from there.

He told us to step into a moment in our lives that we have deep feelings of gratitude for. I saw me marrying my husband, becoming a mother and feeling love spread throughout my mind, body and soul. A warmth flowing through me. Chills.

He told us to breathe it into our hearts and feel the moment. See, feel. Be there with it. He told us to reach out and bring in another memory on top of what was already in our hearts. A grief spread through my body like wildfire. Wrenching my souls as I stood as that 13 year old girl again devastated by the loss of my mother. As if it was happening at the moment. Tears rolled down my face. I took deep breaths to stifle the sobs that were threatening to escape.  My body shook. Emotions raw. Intense. But liberating. Cleansing.

He told us to go to a third moment. A coincidence. I thought of my husband again and the Florida sisters I met in the line for the Oprah Life class in NY. My Spiritual Mother. My mentor.

He asked us to take our hands off our hearts. To take a survey of our lives and choose moments we are grateful for rapidly. Moments we are proud of – becoming a mother. Making it through the death of my mother. Love. Writing. Opening. Expanding to the Universe. My heart swelling. Getting larger.

Of a sensual, sexual moment, I thought of my husband giving me a massage. Of him trying to be my Christian Grey ( a cross between the reformed one and the fifty shades one).  A delicious smile came onto my face.

Tony then asked us to think of a moment that made us laugh out loud – my daughter telling us a joke with a dead pan face. I almost laughed out loud thinking of it again.

Special moment with family or friends – my family bike riding together, exploring together. Feeling love pouring in.My heart expanding more.

To bring in a moment of pure excitement – when I got the news I was going to the Oprah Life Class in NY. My son making the honour roll.

He asked us to envision what we wanted in the future.  I saw my gift as clear as day but I will hold onto that treasure until I am ready to reveal it, not wanting to place expectations on myself or to hear the expectations of others. I have surrendered that vision to the Universe. Let it go so that it can come when the time is right.

I felt emotional, spent, shaken, but alive and full of gratitude and possibility after that Emotional Flood.  Knowing deep down inside we always know. We are always aware.  

And then Ms. Oprah let TD Jakes take the floor ending the night by telling us “When we are appreciative we put ourselves in appreciative situations. Focus on the assets rather than the liabilities. Whatever we feed will grow.”

And Ms. Oprah herself ended her Life Class with, “Accept with an open heart whatever is going on in your life.”

And I do. And I will. And I am.

I am the Gift and the Giver

I woke up yesterday morning feeling the Monday morning blues. Really feeling them. Deep down in my soul. Thinking about all I have to accomplish at work. Thinking of all I had not accomplished at home. Thinking of having to face some people who did not want to be in my space but had to be because we share the same space. Thinking of how I am going to make it through the day. Feeling sorry for myself.

Then I opened my Twitter account and there was a message from two of my Florida sisters telling me that I am a great writer. Inviting me to guest blog for them. Share my blog on their blog, @ The Daily Own. Talking about make my heart sing.

Then I received a message from my old boss with a joke that made me laugh out loud. Followed by a hug from my husband to tell me to go for it. Surrounded by the love of my children. Making my son an old Bermuda concoction of honey, hot water and lemon to clear his allergies then putting him back to bed.  Driving to work singing at the top of my lungs to Beyonce with my daughter. Both of us getting our groove on. Casting aside the Monday morning blues.

When I got to the office, my spiritual mother walked into my office and took me to another level of understanding. Just from her grace. Her presence. Her nonjudgemental love of me and the Universe.

And then I knew the Universe had heard my prayer. My cry for help and was answering me in so many ways. Affirming to me that though I may be challenged there are so many in my life who recognise me for the contributions I am making. My spirit grew stronger as the day passed on. The day that started out dreary and oppressive both metaphorically and physically opened up into bright and glorious light.

I took a break during lunch and went with my husband to Yoga. When I walked into the class it was grey , dull and drizzly. After cleansing my mind, I walked out of the class to a bright sunshiny day.  I walked back to the office with pep in my step. Radiating pure love and light.

Then a co-worker walked into my office and shared a very personal and uplifting story with me. Again the Universe was guiding me to all the positive that exists in this world alongside all that is negative. Reminding me that the positive is always there. It’s just how we frame our perception and outlook as to whether we can see it.

A friend from England sent me an email out of the blue putting a smile on my face. Another friend posted a photo of my husband and me dancing like teenagers adding more sunshine to my day.

Then I came home last night fully expecting to have an early night and got yet another gift from the Universe, the Finale of the @Oprah Lifeclass.  I listened and watched the “Spiritual Squad” of "@Iyanla Vanzant, @Deepak Chopra, @Tony Robbins and @Bishop TD Jakes reminding us that "when we are conscious of the energy we bring into the room, we understand our presence is enough. What we do matters." "Wherever there is appreciation there will be duplication." "Gratitude opens the door to abundance consciousness."

Reminding me that when I change my "expectation for appreciation", the world changes for me. It did yesterday as soon as I recognised the gifts the Universe was bestowing on me. My whole outlook changed and negativity could not get in because I was appreciative of all that crossed my path. Because I recognised they were there to teach me more about me and my response to whatever happens. 

And for yesterday's lessons I am truly grateful. Thank you everyone who helped me to see the light. Thank you Universe for helping me to embrace me. To tell my story. Spread my story to open someone else’s eyes to all the abundance that is so readily available. To remember that I am the Gift and the Giver and that if I see myself as the gift and keep giving without expectation, I am a being of love and light. And that’s what I’ll attract in return.

I woke up yesterday morning feeling the Monday morning blues. I went to bed last night with pure joy, love, light and gratitude for all the abundance in my life. And my heart and soul were full. So to all. The Universe. And to myself. Gratitude. Joy. Love. Light. And peace. Amen.