Valentine's Day a day to remind us of what true love is

Valentine’s Day today. A day of love. A day when most everyone is in a good mood because love is in the air. Everyone has an excuse to smile at each other. Flowers are delivered. Balloons arrive. Chocolate abounds.

There is a certain expectancy in the air as well as people expect to get flowers, or chocolates. Some are disappointed when they don’t. Others wish they had someone to share their love with.

The light tends to overrule the darkness on this day because the air is full of love and light. If only we could capture the sentiment expressed today.  Bottle it. Then give a little out every day so people would not forget how good love feels.

Valentine’s Day was created as a day to remember love. To give love. To express love. To be love. Over the years it has been transformed into a commercial money making day for florists, card and chocolate manufacturers, and jewellers causing many to forget what the day is supposed to be about.

It is not meant to be a day of material giving. It is supposed to be a day of pure and unconditional love instead where we smile at everyone we meet. Give off feelings of love and contentment. Spread positive energy . Without expectation. Without wanting anything in return. Just giving love. Lifting our mind, body and souls.

Valentine’s Day is meant to remind us of how much we are creatures of love. Creatures who want to be loved and give love.

More importantly, in order to give love we must feel love for ourselves first. No amount of flowers, jewellery, cards or chocolate can fill us up if we don’t know love ourselves. Before walking out of the door this morning, look in the mirror and say, “I love you” to your image in the mirror. Stand and look at your reflection for a while savouring the warmth that spreads through your body as a result. Watch the smile form on your face. Then say it one more time, “I love you”.  Your whole being will feel pure joy, bliss and love like no other. Think of Whitney singing, “The greatest love of all is happening to me. Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all...”

Now you are ready to spread love today because you know and feel that you are love and only love. That's true love. May your hearts and souls be filled with love, peace and joy. Today and every day.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Success is not a pinnacle, it is a journey

Does anyone know what the true meaning of success is? Why is it that so many people, who to the outside world, had reached their pinnacles, like Michael Jackson, Any Winehouse, and now Whitney Houston, could not control the demons inside them.

To us on the outside looking in, they had it all. The success. The fame. The glory. But what did it all mean? Why are they all dying trying to hold onto a world that only existed in their imaginations – a place they feel safe when under the influence of drugs.

Has success been taken to a whole new level now? Are we expecting too much from people? Wanting to be inside their heads all the time. Rooting for them when they are doing well. Turning our backs on them when they fall. Has life become like a spectator sport where we are living vicariously through the lives of others?  Through the lives of superstars. Expecting them to be more than they are capable of being. Expecting them to be on form at all times. Angry when they aren’t. Knowing full well that we aren’t on form all the time.

Some of us even seem to relish in the fall of these stars because somehow it makes our lives seem that much better knowing they had it all but couldn’t handle it. Many of us say what a waste. If I had their talent I would be unstoppable. Would we? Could we?

Do we think because these people are superstars that somehow they do not have the same limitations as we do. Forgetting they are imperfect human beings just as we are.  Do they come to believe they are infallible too because we hold them to a completely different standard? Do they buy into the hype and start taking drugs because it numbs the reality of their human limitations? And allows them to fly. Makes them feel inhuman and invincible as we think they are.

How do we define success? When I heard about Whitney the first thought that ran through my mind was boy am I glad I’m not famous because for now being famous seems to equate to a drug overdose, demons constantly chasing you and a fear of confronting self because self is not authentic. Is it better to be ordinary people who can blend into the crowd when need be with no pressure from anyone but ourselves? Rather than millions of people from around the world watching, judging our every move. Critiquing our every action. Commenting on how bad we look. Knocking us down even further when we are down rather than building us up.

The pressure must be immense. People who step into this never ending limelight have to be strong. Have to know who they are. Their true authentic selves. Without question or doubt. So that when the naysayers come and the bogey man is rapping at the door they can stand tall and erect and not falter.

In some ways they have to possess the powers of a superhuman to withstand the intense scrutiny if they want to make it in this world. And most of all they cannot take themselves too seriously because at the end of the day, they are human just like we are.

I think too many people get caught up in believing success is a destination rather than understanding it is a journey that moves and changes with us. The pinnacle is never reached because there is no pinnacle, just meandering paths that continue us on our journey. We need to stop looking at success as something we have achieved.  Instead, we need to enjoy it for what it is. Diving into its flow. Without question. Without suspicion. Just floating, floating on....

Goodbye Whitney I will always love you

Whitney Houston. What more can I say. Another one of my wonderful memories of youth gone. To say I am devastated is an understatement.

I found out last night while I was at a black tie event celebrating and raising funds for the Arts, just as the dancers were about to come on stage. Someone turned to me and said, I just heard Whitney Houston died.

My heart nearly stopped. All I could think about was the possibility that had lain before her. The talent she had. Her daughter who had instantly become a motherless daughter just like me.  I thought about all the events and special occasions her daughter would never be able to share with her mother. I shivered. Sounds seemed muted.

As the dancers glided across the stage, I half watched them thinking about Whitney and the irony of me sitting watching performing arts knowing a light had gone out in that world. The Voice was no more. I hoped she wasn’t alone. I hoped she wasn’t sad. I could see Whitney’s face as clear as day in front of me. I could hear her singing. I didn’t know what to do.

It felt odd to be sitting watching a dance while her family grieved the loss of their daughter, mother, niece, cousin and friend. I thought she was trying to find her way out of the darkness. I thought about when I first fell in love with her singing.  “The greatest Love of all”. That song became my mantra when I was experiencing a dark period in my life in 1985. We were the same age. I admired her.

I would stand in the mirror and sing, “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all”...  believing  if I did I would be okay. I thought I could be like the power I heard in her voice as she sang. I thought she sang it so powerfully because she believed in the words. “The greatest love of all is easy to achieve”. Now I believe  she probably sang that song with such strength because she so desperately wanted to believe them. To feel them.

Looking at Whitney in the early days when she burst onto the scene she appeared to be such a Diva surrounded by strong women – her mother, her Godmother Aretha Franklin, and her iconic Aunt Dionne Warwick. Maybe she felt she wasn’t good enough. Couldn’t fill their shoes. Even though to the outside world she more than filled them.

Perhaps celebritydom pushed her over the edge. Perhaps she didn’t want to portrayed as the squeaky clean image that everyone held her to in the beginning and that’s why she chose ”bad boy” Bobby Brown. Soon after that the Whitney who had become iconic in so many of our minds became almost a joke. I know I felt betrayed at first about who she had become. Until I realised you don’t become, you always are.

She spiralled out of control and all of us wrote her off. Disappointed with her. Judging her. Watching her descend more and more into the darkness. Divorce Bobby. Making a comeback. Her interview on Oprah gave me hope she was on her way back to the Light.

Her song,  “ I wasn’t built to Break” became my mantra last year when I found myself jobless overnight and I  was searching  for who I was and who I am. Like her I felt I could make it through anything because trials may come but if I believed, anything was possible. I really thought she was feeling the same way. But she obviously couldn’t stop herself from being drawn to the dark side. Being drawn to escapism rather than reality.

I am extremely sad to know that Whitney, a woman my age. A woman I entered womanhood with who had the voice of an angel never learned to love herself. Never learned to forgive herself. Never accepted that she wasn’t built to break . Told Diane Sawyer, “The biggest devil is me. I’m either my best friend or my worst enemy.” Her worst enemy overpowered her best friend and she succumbed. Died. In a hotel room. On the day of one of her opportunities to show the world and more importantly herself the power she still had.

Or was her exit her last Swansong knowing she was going to be on the tips of everyone’s tongues because she had made her last appearance the night before shakily singing, “Yes Jesus loves me...” Always looking to the outside for love rather than within.

Whitney, I will always love you. You were a beautiful and talented woman who burst onto the scene when many of us your age were looking for hope. And you gave it to me and to us but not to yourself. I’m just sad you never embraced the hope and love you always had.

Rest in Peace Whitney. The curtains have come down. The rocky road is done. Judgement is over and now you have the wings to soar. Your voice will always be with us. I will always love you....

Forgiveness teaches us compassion

Forgiveness is probably on of the most liberating feelings except for some of us it is so hard to do. I believe forgiveness is one act we all can easily understand but tend to overlook or suppress. The reason why I believe this is because at  some point in all of our lives, we have done something we are not proud of and wish we could take back. At some point in all our lives, we have reacted in a way we are embarrassed about when we step back from the situation. Ashamed when we realise we have done something that hurt someone else through words or actions. Afraid of the consequences of what we have done.

Yet when someone does something to us we can’t find the space in our hearts to forgive. I know when I am angry with someone or disappointed with someone, my energy levels feel really low when I see that person. Or I get a surge of heat rush through my body. Or sometimes my heart races or I can’t breathe.

But when I take my time to think about the circumstances that caused the friction , I realise that it was not worth the amount of energy I am wasting trying to remain in an unforgiving state. So now what I find myself doing is sending myself love and light and also sending it to the other person or people. And immediately my mood lifts because my energy shifts from dark to light. A smile creeps on my face. And my whole soul feels joy.

And what I realise more than anything is that it is not natural for us to be in a state of conflict or vengeance or nonforgiveness. I know because of the way our body responds when we are in this state. Our natural state of being is love, peace and light. Forgiveness teaches us compassion and we learn compassion because we have all done something in our lives we are not proud of. And when we embrace this realisation, we can always find space in our hearts to forgive. Sometimes it may take a while but if we shift our brains into realising we are naturally compassionate beings, we will feel a lightness in our spirits.

So here’s to forgiveness today, cast aside ego and replace it with love and see just how much better you feel afterwards. As the Dalai Lama says, “Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.”

Moneyball - a surprising life lesson

I watched the movie Moneyball mostly because I am a Brad Pitt fan and because I was curious about the hype. I had resisted watching the movie because I thought it was about baseball and analytics - two things I have to admit don’t appeal to me so it was not at the top of my list.

Moneyball turned out to be a great reminder about life’s lessons. Contrary to popular belief Moneyball is not about baseball and more importantly it is not about analytics. It is a story about life. It is a story about faith. About cooperation. About leadership. Confidence building. Instinct. But most of all it is a story about learning from past mistakes, rebuilding and sharing the knowledge. Falling flat on our face and rising again – sometimes much later than we ever thought we would.

A term now imprinted on my brain was when Billy Beane, the manager of the Oakland A’s, said, “Adapt or Die”. This line I'm sure was meant to be dramatic in the movie but it is the classic way in which we as human beings survive or for that matter any species thrives - we have to adapt to our changing environment or we will die.

Billy Beane recognised that he was in a no win situation. All his best players were picked off by some of the wealthier top teams. He felt the only way he was going to be in the same position he was before was to go after similar players and pay the high costs he needed to get them.  However his management team decided he had to operate within the confines of the budget he had so there was no way he was going to be able to replace his lost players with players of their kind.

While on his quest to find a solution, with doors slamming in his face before he could complete a sentence, Beane came across a young graduate from Stanford University who had never worked before in his life. Yet he observed seasoned coaches turning to him when he was trying to pick up players. He wanted to know why. He approached the graduate to find out what he knew. The graduate showed him how he statistically traced players to show their worth. And how some of the passed over players were undervalued compared to the high flying players.

Beane was scouted out of high school because he appeared to be the complete package. He was drafted in the first round and paid a huge salary only to buckle under pressure and fall on his face. He walked away from baseball and became a scout himself. Until he landed the manager position at the Oakland A’s.

From his own failure, Beane knew a player had to believe he was successful in order to be successful. He recognised that being a player was either in someone or not.

Combining his experience with the proven track record of the analytics, he took baby steps to rebuild his team. He fired his top scout because the top scout did not believe in him anymore. He knew he had to trust his instincts. Beane recognised that he needed a team of players to cooperate with each other. He fired those who were not team players because he could not afford to have any negative energy pulling the team down or anyone distracting the team from keeping their eye on the prize. He also recognised he needed a player to take the mentoring role to help pull the young team together. Knowing that the person he chose had to be someone who had a vested interest in winning.

Once he put his proper strategy in place, the team started winning and the naysayers stopped talking. The excitement grew but Billy knew that it didn't matter how many games he won, if he didn't get to the playoffs the public would turn their backs on him because they were convinced it was Analytics that was driving the game and not baseball. And Billy did lose the last game and all the naysayers came back again saying baseball is not won by statistics it is won by good players and strategy.

Billy fell into somewhat of a slump after that because he did not see that sometimes we hit home runs and don't even realise we have because the prize at the end is not the one we were expecting. Winning sometimes doesn't mean collecting the big prize at the end. Sometimes it means effecting change. Bringing out the best in ourselves which in turn brings out the best in others.

Sometimes winning means just enjoying the show. Going with the flow. Doing what feels right for us because "it's always a lot to be something we are not."

Though Billy may not have won the championship as he so wanted what he did win was more important - faith in himself again and his value restored. He effected change by doing what he believed in.  And always that is more important.

Instead of thinking who we are, let's just be

Why do we do the things we do? What gets us out of bed every day? What motivates us to get dressed and walk out the door every single day?

Why is it that some people are very organised while others are not? Why are we here?

I am full of questions today. So full of wanting to understand the why? But what I realise is there is no simple answer to any of these questions because we are all different. All here for many different reasons. Consequently we all have different motivations for why we do what we do.

Each one of us is driven by our heart’s desires even if we don’t quite know what that means. We are constantly striving to be where we are meant to be. Never satisfied that we are already there. Never really embracing the moment even though we tell ourselves we are present moment dwellers. Yet our minds are constantly flicking forward trying to glimpse what is yet to come. Or flashing back trying to rewrite what was.

Always at the centre of our drive is our quest for success. We are always trying to do more because we think in the end we will become more successful. And the irony of success is that it comes in many different guises so much so that we don’t even see it when it is right in front of our faces. Or if we attain the success we dreamt about or beyond what we dreamt about, we find it is still not enough and we raise the bar once again – looking for more.

Why is that? Have you ever wondered why? It seems a lot of us are facing the sobering reality that we cannot be successful at everything we do. In order to be successful in one area, by default, we are neglecting something along the way.

So I’m starting to believe that success cannot be measured by what we have achieved from a material perspective, status or what we do. Success can only be measured by how well we feel we are living our own lives, our own dreams, our way and our way only. Success comes from accepting who we are, where we are, and being grateful for every bit of our journey -  good and bad, darkness and light. Because every experience forms a part of who we are – shaping us.

So let’s all hold this quote near to our hearts, “The only obstacles to realising the truth of who you are is thinking who you are.” In other words, instead of thinking, let’s just be.

Why I like early mornings

I love writing my blog first thing in the morning particularly when it is a work day because it helps to set my intention for the day. It sets me on a path of where I can best be for the day.

It’s quiet. The house is still. Everyone is fast asleep. And not even the day has woken yet. It’s dark outside and I always feel so snug and warm and somewhat like a little girl again – stealing time on my own. Where the only worries I have in the moment are my own. The only pressures I have are my own.

The lights are low, subdued even. Giving me the time and space to reflect on what it is that is swirling through my head. It’s amazing how when I get up in the morning there is a moment when I have absolute clarity about what I want to do with my life. A moment when I am truly in the moment because my brain has not had the opportunity to start filtering and altering my thoughts. A moment when I know I am my authentic self.

Soon that moment gives way to a bombardment of thoughts and it is those thoughts that I try to harness and write about. I treasure my quiet time in the morning, when I sit and contemplate which of those thoughts is going to form the basis of my blog. Then magically my fingers start moving across the keyboard as letters pour out of my fingers, forming words, joining together to form my innermost thoughts – surprising even me in the end when I read what I have written.

I always feel elated once I have finished writing and sometimes find it hard to move away from my keyboard, my alter ego. Because I feel as if I am stepping away from what brings me alive in the mornings. Some days I have to tear myself away kicking and screaming because I have hit my stride. Other days I can’t wait to get away from it because it is taking so much out of me. And what I find on those days is I am writing to please rather than writing what wants to be written.

I realise my writing is like living. Some days we are going to be on point with clarity and vision. Other days we are going to be bogged down thinking too much about the how rather than the doing.

Wow, so philosophical and that’s why I like early mornings because I feel like I can fly...like I can do anything I want. Like I am in control. And then I exhale because I realise I am in control.