There is hope - Chewstick

Yesterday afternoon I had a disturbing conversation with a young lady who told me how difficult it is to find young men who are not on drugs, not in gangs, or not selling drugs.  Her words stayed with me all day as I tried to figure out a solution until last night when I witnessed a phenomenon that spoke of Hope. I saw light in young people’s eyes. I saw a sector of the supposedly disenfranchised populace in not just Bermuda’s society but the global society, black males with their eyes lit up and pride in their stride performing at the ninth anniversary of Chewstick here in Bermuda.

There were so many black males with their backs erect, shoulders high and eyes looking to the sky as they rapped, chanted, spoke their poems, danced, or did whatever they needed to do to express themselves. With each one of their performances the only feeling I can describe that I felt was hope. And what I realised more than anything is our youth definitely needs a place where they can go to vent their frustrations in an expressive and constructive way. There were young men and women on stage who talked about how difficult it is for them when they step outside the box that tries to define who they are meant to be. They talked about their struggles. The names they are called. The difficulty they have when they try to be who they are and rise above all the destruction, chaos and negativity they encounter on a day to day basis in their natural environments.

They started out nervously then as they got into their words, you could see their whole demeanour and stature swell until it seemed as if they became the words they spoke rather than just going through the motions. For some of them it was the first time they were on the stage of one of our premiere locations, The City Hall. They stood side by side with others who they may not have even come into contact with – people from all walks of life, races, beliefs and social stature and they held their own.  Not one of them was judging the other based on the colour of their skin or where they came from or what school they attended or what their social standing is. But what brought them together was the common desire we all share and that is the desire to be seen, heard acknowledged for who we are. These young people shared from their hearts last night. They felt safe because they were a part of a family that they may not have at home.  And what was even more rewarding was looking around at the audience and seeing it was as diverse as the people on stage – coming together to listen to the words of our youth intermingled with the elders of the group.

The reason they blossomed so much is because they were allowed to express themselves in whatever form resonated with them. They were not told to tone it down or change it to appease the crowd. They were like birds learning to fly for the first time because they spread their wings and soared sending chill bumps down my spine. Bringing to mind Maya Angelou’s tale, “I know why the caged bird sings”. In their common life some of these young people are caged and can only sing and recite to find their authentic selves and bring them to the surface so they can understand the depth of their emotions. So they can explore who they are. So they can become who they are meant to be. If all of us would support institutions like Chewstick that provides a refuge for these youngsters from all walks of life to congregate and be heard think of how we can turn the next generation away from destruction. Think of the hope we can turn into doing rather than wishing.  Think of the numbers of lives we could save and families not destroyed. At the end of the day, all we all want is a family, a tribe where we feel safe and when we do that’s when we open up and become true to ourselves. Organisations like Chewstick provide such an outlet and they need to be supported.

Is your glass half full or half empty?

Okay it's back to the grind together. All of us going full speed ahead with no end in sight. The lazy Saturdays are over as reality comes back with a vengenance. Running between the children's committments all while trying to fit in time to get things we would like to get done as well. The holidays are definitely over. The kind words and hopeful looks people share during the holiday period are over . Replaced instead with looks of so what happens next. The pace has quickened and the reality of a full new year looms ahead with many of us wondering what it will bring.
Everyone I bump into is between the minds of either feeling good to get the Christamas decorations out of their homes because it looks clean again to their homes looking too bare. These perspectives illustrating just how we either look at the glass as half empty or half full. A reminder for everyone one of us the way we live out lives is determined by the way we view life. We have the ability to change our situations whenever we want just by shifting our viewpoint.
My day thus far further illustrated this perspective. This morning was gloomy and overcast. The afternoon is now beautiful and sunny. I am sitting outside my daughter's first riding lesson for the year stealing the time to write my blog between all else I have to do. Thinking about the remaining laundry that I have to do when I get home. Thinking about the Christmas decorations I have to take down in my house. Thinking about the winter clothes I still have piled in the basket outside of my closet waiting to be packed away. Thinking about thinking. And trying to breathe between all I have to do.
And then just like that the birds starting chirping, the sun became brighter and I thought about whether my mind set was going to be on whether my glass is half empty or half full. And when I thought like that my whole mindset changed because I realised despite all I have ahead of me at the present moment I am sitting in an idyllic setting surrounded by trees, looking at beautiful cacti with blooming orange flowers, listening to the birds sing and doing what I love to do best, write. Immediately I accepted if I live in this present moment and savour it for what it is, all else will fall into place. And what I can't get done today was not meant to be done today and I won't worry about it.
My glass today is definitely half full because I am going to stay in each moment I find myself in and do the best I can while in it. Here's to being in the moment. Happy Saturday everyone.

Drawing inspiration from simply being

This morning I woke up worrying I had no inspiration to write. Thinking too hard. Worrying too much. Putting pressure on myself then I decided to take some time to quiet my mind and contemplate where I was at that moment rather than projecting into the future.

And here’s what I found – inspiration is everywhere.  All around us. Simply waking up in the morning is inspiration enough because we have been given another day to explore who we are. Inspiration comes from opening the windows and seeing the dawn of the new day. Seeing the subtle energy surrounding the trees as the night turns to day. Inspiration comes from listening to the birds chirping outside. The sound of the day coming alive.

Inspiration comes from the belief that we are meant to be here – living, breathing, and sharing this journey called life. Inspiration comes from watching our sleepy children, animals, spouses, friends, or whomever and whatever brings joy to us waking up for the day and seeing the light and anticipation come into their eyes.

I realised with such gratitude that inspiration does not have to come from a lightning bolt bringing me the greatest or most profound thought or idea in the world. Inspiration comes from accepting and appreciating the simplicity of our being in our everyday forms. Just showing gratitude opens our creative side wide and allows in all the joy and wonders that are ever present all around us.

I am inspired just by being me. For existing as I am. For sharing all my joy, wisdom, love, light and peace with you. I am inspired to be the person I am meant to be every day and I don’t have to worry or fret because the inspiration I need is always inside of me as it is in you.

Have an inspiring day by simply being you and being grateful for who you are and where you are as shall I.

Emotions are journeys not destinations

Why is it sometimes no matter how much we get in touch with our inner spirit we still feel the weight of the world on our shoulders? Why is it sometimes the inner chatter takes us on a much different road than we ever expected? Why is it sometimes the inner circle we have becomes our greatest challenge?

The reason why these challenges present themselves to us is because they open us up to dig even deeper to a place we glimpse but cannot hold onto forever because this place is reserved for the toughest lessons. It is the place of silence within our authentic selves. It is a place where we can hear the voice of angels. A place where we know the light always shines. A place where we feel the joy that is ever present in our lives but don’t always feel. A place always filling us back up when we feel empty even when we don't realise it.

I have discovered that we are challenged every time we reach a state of comfort to allow us to understand how strong we really are. And to let us know we are in charge of our destinies - no one else but us. To let us know when we are feeling empty we always have a place to go deep deep within our core to replenish and to feel rejuvenated again.

To know that happiness resides within in and not outside of us. That joy comes from within not outside of us. To let us know that we control our emotions and no one else can unless we allow them in, invite them in. To let us know when we have people that dislike us or speak badly about us, it is not us they are speaking about; rather they are speaking about their own shadow selves. To let us know that along this journey called life, feelings are not destinations they are journeys ever changing, ever moving, dynamic, not static. That to get caught up in thinking we should be happy all the time or should feel a certain way all the time is cheating us from feeling the full depth of our emotions. To know we need not feel bad when we are sad, overwhelmed, jealous or whatever our shadow selves is showing to us. Because when we feel these feelings , we are being asked to explore more about our own selves. Not others.

When we no longer react to the way people are treating us then we know it is no longer about our growth anymore.  It becomes all about their growth. And what we are then being asked to do is to make a decision about whether we want to stay and help that person or people reach their highest and best good by being patient with them and letting them experience their growth or if we want to don our wings and fly away.

As I was writing this I looked up and saw a woman I consider to be my spiritual mother walk by cementing my thought process just by her presence because I know we were drawn together by that unseen string that binds us all together so she could help me understand that other people's demands and reactions are their own and not mine. I have to let them be and not judge them. Not take them on unless I want to. She filled me up. She took me to the place of silence. To that place of my authentic self. And I felt my wings starting to come out again. I felt them spreading wide. I felt the joy inside again and I felt my spirit start to soar. Open. Willing. Ready. Able to stay in the flow. With joy. With acceptance, grace and faith.

When doors close in your face it's because they're not the right ones

“Maybe you’re the reason why all the doors are closed, so you can open the one that leads you to the perfect road.” Katy Perry.

Can you believe this quote comes from a Katy Perry song?  I read this and couldn’t believe it was from her Fireworks song. It is such a profound statement that made me reflect on life and closed doors. I came to the conclusion that when doors close in our faces, it is because we are actually willing them to close. We know deep down inside these doors are not meant to be open for us in the first place. Subconsciously we know when something is not right for us but often fail to take note of that inner feeling.  Instead we let outside influences direct us to open doors we are not ready to open.  We always know from a deep place within when the doors are not the right ones for us – not the right opportunities.

My whole experience last year after my job shut down taught me how true this statement really is. I knew I wanted to take the rest of the year off because I was so burnt. I could not believe after all the hard work and sacrifice my team had been through that someone could fly in and tell us we were not needed anymore. Just like that the lights were turned off and the party was over.

I wanted and needed to take some time to process what had happened in my life. I needed some time to reassess where I was. I also knew I needed to get rid of the bitter taste that was left in my mouth so I did not take the jadedness with me to the next opportunity.  I wanted some time to explore who I was. And during that time opportunities came my way that did not resonate with me at all but because I was feeling pressured by outside influences I pursued some of them against my better judgment. Not one of those doors proved to be the right ones for me. And I was glad to know my intuition was correct.

A note to us all when we feel like doors are closing in our faces we must remember it’s because the one that will lead us to our perfect road is still waiting for us to open it. We have to have patience, faith, focus and hope even when the doors slam in our faces to know that we are where we are meant to be.

We must remember when the time is right, doors will fling open for us allowing us to enter into a world designed to help us grow into the people we are meant to be.  Allowing us to accept and understand that no matter how difficult our trials may be and no key seems to fit any of the locks on the closed doors, when the time is right and the opportunity is right, we will discover we always had the key but we were simply trying to open the wrong door.

Family A reminder of who we are

Family such strange combinations of people even though we are weaved from the same cloth – no two people exactly alike on the surface but when you scratch beneath the surface, certain traits emerge as the same – a mannerism, a statement uttered at the same time, eyes locking when there is an understanding only family members understand.

But what weaves families closer together than anything else is the history we share. A history that no one else outside the family could ever know as intimately. And even that history varies according to the different perspectives when it’s told from one member’s vantage point. Yesterday my family got together for an impromptu gathering – the first holiday of the New Year. And what a great way to start the year.

Of course everyone arrived about an hour late – expected with family. And they trickled in one by one. The first to arrive quiet looking around trying to find their way. As each member arrived the volume increased, the energy expanded. Each member trying to re-establish the connection that we all had when we were growing up. Each member bringing his or her story to the gathering. Different generations gathered around the kitchen, dining room and living room.  The younger children off into other parts of the house entertaining themselves. The teenagers and young adults gathered amongst the adults trying hard to be grown up but sometimes wishing they were elsewhere.

The matriarch and only remaining member of my mother’s immediate side of the family arrived first with her eldest daughter and her grandson. I am always pleased to see her because she provides me with my greatest and only connection to my mother. They don’t look alike. They don’t speak alike. But they share an even greater history than I had with my mother – at least a longer one. I feel comforted knowing she knew my mother intimately. And if ever I want to feel close to my mother I just have to look to her. She reminds me that my mother really did exist and was not a dream or a figment of my imagination. She grounds me and my memories of my mother. She is like my security blanket.

My eldest sister arrives raising the volume of the gathering to its highest octave. She brings the life into the family all the time - sometimes with controversy other times with tenderness. She is the first to criticise, “Your pea soup has no taste.” Then quickly assumes control of spicing up the soup. I am not offended by her remarks or actions because I accept her for who she is. She is the first to start everyone bantering back and forth. She is full of bravado but the one I know I can rely on for anything. When my mother died she was the first one there assuming control, stepping in to make sure everyone was okay, pushing aside differences and placing her life on the back burner to make sure we were all going to be okay. She still is like that today underneath the hard exterior she projects. Underneath the criticisms, the gruffness. Always on a diet. Always exercising . Always voicing her opinion. But has a heart of gold. And I take comfort in that.

My Aunt’s children arrive one by one and I always admire how close they are. They stick together no matter what. They always gather. And they never forget each other.

Then my youngest brother and his family arrive and I am so happy because they came. My brother and I have had our differences but at the end of the day he is my blood and always will be so.  I will always hold a special place in my heart for him. He was only eight when our mother died. Ripped out of her arms when she died suddenly beside him. To see how his life has developed despite the tragedy that unfolded right in front of his eight year old eyes makes me feel proud. I looked at him last night and thought about the fact that he was the same age as my eight year old daughter when his life tragically changed. I realised just how strong he really is even though he may not realise it to have survived such a tragedy and made something of his life.

Family – as I looked around at the gathering of four generations of our clan, my heart swelled with pride mixed with awe. What a great reminder of the place we come from. The foundation that weaves our experiences together. The nucleus that shows us how very different we are as humans yet share the same cloth. I am so happy we started the New Year off as a family. Everyone coming together. Lives totally different from the other. Experiences and challenges totally different from the other. But still we are bound by the same genetic coding. Reminding me that every person we encounter is a part of us and no matter the differences, we are all interconnected. One big human family. Here’s to family in 2012. 

I Can Do It

We are going to journey together for 2012 to reach our highest and best good. I am going to choose a theme or a mantra for the month for us to think about and explore so we can do whatever it is we truly and honestly believe we can.

The first mantra for the year is, “I Can Do It.”’

Many of us particularly those who are forty and over were raised to believe we are not good enough. We were raised by parents who survived the Great Depression, the Second World War and went through truly hard times and as such never really saw the finer things in life. They were raised with a scarcity mentality and in many cases raised us to believe the same thing. They were doing the best they could so we have no need to hold malice against them. But we do have the opportunity to change our mindset and break the cycle by believing we can and going for it.

I know this is true based on circumstances in my life. Had it not been for the death of my mother where I was suddenly thrust out to the wolves so to speak and I had to do what I had to do to survive and thrive, I probably would have gone through life believing my glass is half empty and thinking that I was only meant to achieve so much.

But once my mother died I learnt from the age of thirteen that the only person I could rely on for my success and well being was myself. I learnt I had to block out the naysayers and repeat to myself I could do whatever I set my mind to do.

At the age of seventeen I went to university with no money but full of hope and the belief that I was going to graduate somehow. My manta was I can do it. I can do it and I did.

Believe me if I can do it so can you. No matter what the obstacles are in our way they are there to test us to see how much we really want whatever it is we are striving for. Obstacles are not there to deter us as so many of us believe. Obstacles are meant to separate the doers from the dreamers.

So to start the Year of right our mantra this year is going to be “I can do it.”

Try repeating I Can Do it whenever we feel our backs are up against the wall or when we feel overwhelmed or if we need that extra boost.  Good luck and here’s to the new us for 2012. Remember we can do it.