Outside looking in

How do we become defined in life? At what point do the limitations creep into our psyche forcing us to believe that we are only meant to attain so much and no more?
How do we become who we are? Where does our belief system come from? Why are some people more successful than others and it doesn’t matter the background? Why do some people handle crises better than others? Who are we really?
This morning I woke up feeling like I am having an out of body experience. Outside myself looking at my physical and internal being with this stream of questions coming back at me. Forcing me to really look at myself and try to answer some of these questions.
I got a stream of answers with the focus being that I need to accept that what is is and karma is not a result of our actions but a result of our reactions to whatever happens to us. Another answer I keep getting is there are no definitions of who we are, no rights or wrongs, no mistakes, no limitations. Our lives are defined by the choices we make, the belief systems we cultivate, and the ability to live in the present moment and not project into a time that we have no control over.
We have total control over our own lives and no one person is better or luckier than we are, they just have the nerve to keep trying, keep slugging it out until they get what they ultimately want. The concept of success is also a shallow term because it is not all that it seems. A person can be materially successful but spiritually/ mentally poor and the reverse is also true. We are all guilty of judging people based on their physical and outward appearances without even taking into consideration their internal and spiritual wellbeing.
We also get caught up in the roles people play in life ie whether they are CEOs of companies, professional sports people, bestselling authors, etc but these are just roles they play within the confines of the structures they exist in. Once these people step out of these roles into their everyday way of being, that is when the real person emerges and this is the person we should be seeing not the role they have assumed.
There are many different layers to people, to life and to our spiritual wellbeing and that is something we all have to remember. We cannot worry about what other people have in comparison to us. We cannot worry about what someone else has to say about us. We cannot worry about circumstances beyond our control. We cannot diminish any pain we are feeling. We have to feel it for what it is and listen to what it is telling us.
At the end of the day we have to accept we are all individuals here on this earth to coexist as a human family, moving side by side, and we have to take care of our individual needs in order to grow and become contributors to our human family. Every one of us has a story to tell, different roles that we fulfil but at the end of the day we are all looking for love, validation and respect regardless of our backgrounds.

When the unexpected happens, go with it

Things happen in life that are totally unexpected. They knock the wind out of our sails for a period of time until we realise our happiness is not determined by anyone on the outside. Our happiness comes from a place deep within us. It is totally derived and maintained by us. No one can make us happy and they certainly can’t take our happiness away from us unless we allow them.
Life throws us challenges us from time to time. To allow us to dig deep into our souls and hearts to determine what it is we truly want and desire. To make us redefine the lines of the box to suit ourselves. To force us to go deep within. To reflect on our authentic selves. To pull out all the stops to enable us to become whole.
Sometimes the decisions we make or thought we were going to make are not the ones that will lead us to where we need to go. And when we discover this is the case, it does not make sense asking what if, should have, and could have because the past is done. We made that decision based on where we were at that time and the resources we had available to us. As time moves on we discover that the decision we made was a temporary one to help us to understand more about where it is we truly want to go.
When we reach the point where we need to make major decisions about where to go next, what to do next, it’s then that we need to call on our inner power. It takes a lot of courage to change direction, to take the first step particularly when we are afraid we will fail. Or people will talk about us. Or even be disappointed with some of our decisions. It is these times that force us to be brave enough to accept the only lives we have control over are our own. We can only please ourselves. No one else. If we do things to please others than eventually it will show because we won’t be able to maintain the façade.
No one wants to end up looking at the end of their lives regretting living someone else’s life rather than their own. Not pursuing their own happiness because they were too busy trying to make everyone else happy. No one does so why wait until it’s too late when we have the ability and power to change direction every single second, every single minute, every single hour of every single day.
Because as Oprah says, “What I know for sure is this: You are built not to shrink down to less, but to blossom into more. To be more splendid. To be more extraordinary. To use every moment to fill yourself up.”

Traffic jams

Today when I was driving back home I got stuck in a traffic jam. The traffic was moving but at a snail’s pace. As I got nearer to the problem, I realised the jam was being caused by a lone car. As I got closer to the lone car I realised it was Johnny Barnes that was causing the traffic jam.
Johnny Barnes is our local happy man. He stands at the round about every morning waving to everyone telling them he loves them. He is 80 plus – not sure exactly how old he is but he is an institution here in Bermuda.
People either hate him or love him. I was one of those who was irritated by him because I always thought he was such a distraction when I am trying to manoeuvre in the traffic. Just the sight of him used to irritate me. Then a few weeks ago I saw him outside of his perch and he was a completely different man. He was very frail, not sure on his feet, nowhere near as confident and jolly as he appears when he is on his perch. I felt completely different about him after that.
Instead of being irritated by him, I now have great compassion for him because what I realised is that without his perch, Johnny Barnes is an old man without a mission. Without a purpose. I realised he is out there day after day, rain, blow or shine because he needs to feel the energy of all of us passing him to help to fuel. He needs to send out his positive energy to us so that he can get it back in return. I felt bad for judging him in the way I had once I realised he needs us much more than we do him. And I now make a point of waving to him in the morning. And because I do, I see how wonderful it is for him when his eyes meet mine or anyone else’s that is driving by because it is a spiritual connection, a heartfelt connection even if it is for a split second. His motivation for being out there comes purely from a place of love and you can feel it when your eyes connect with his.
And this morning while I was hurrying trying to get back home because I was out much longer than I had anticipated, I was stopped almost to a crawl because Johnny Barnes had stepped off his perch and was slowly making his way home. Instead of being irritated, I felt grateful to him again. Seeing him still independent, driving his own car, in no hurry to get home just as long as he got there, oblivious to the breakneck speed everyone around him was trying to travel , I inhaled deeply. I realised he was giving me a chance to breathe. A chance to watch him slowly making his way allowing all the tension to melt out of me as a feeling of gratitude replaced it instead.
I then remembered one of my quotes of the day which said, “Traffic jams give me time to do more affirmations, so I bless them rather than curse them.” And that’s what Johnny Barnes did for me today. He slowed me down to make me realise just how fortunate I really am even when all around me feels dark. Thank You Johnny Barnes. Thank you.

Seeing life from a different vantage point

Last night we attended a Boat Parade party at one of our friend's houses. Though it was spectacular looking out over the Harbour at all the boats that were festively decorated for the Christmas season, I couldn't help but feel nostalgic.
I turned to my husband and said, “Wow, it really looks different from here."
Never turning to look at me, he said, "That's because the way you look at the world has changed."
I didn't answer him. I didn't know how to respond to his comment because it hit me in the gut. I looked out at the boats, across the Harbour to try to find my old office which was on the opposite side to where we were. I turned to look at the people at the party. I looked up at the sky, at the stars and reflected on my husband’s comment.
I didn’t' find an answer until this morning when I woke up to find an email from one of my former work colleagues and it was then that I realised why this statement was bothering me. It had nothing to do with my husband. It had all to do with me.
Last year and the year before that my former company hosted a family night for the Boat Parade where we invited all of our brokers and their families to join our families to eat, receive gifts from Santa, watch the boat parade and mingle. Our balcony overlooked the center of the Harbour so it was a premier location to view the boat parade and it was always a success. Brokers and their families looked forward to this event.
But this year, my division was gone, disbanded. Everyone had gone their separate ways. I couldn’t even see the old building where our event was held when I tried to find it across the Harbour. And I was standing higher up, on a completely different side of the Harbour, at a completely different viewpoint from where I had stood last year and the year before.
What I realised this morning was rather than feeling sad and out of place about how differently I felt last night, I rejoiced in the gift that the Universe gave me last night. And the gift was that life really is the same, the same events occur but sometimes we are at a different vantage point in order to see that though circumstances may change for us, life still moves on and it is up to us to appreciate what was but move on to what is so that we can still enjoy the beauty of where we are today.
I wrote to my former colleague and said to her, " I went to the a Boat Parade Party last night and looked across the water at our old building and thought about how quickly life can change and how different it is one year later. Take nothing for granted. Be thankful for the blessings we have. And live life fully."
A note to us all, no matter the circumstances we may find ourselves in, all we are being given is an opportunity to view life from a different perspective. Nothing more. Nothing less. And once we see this, life takes us in the direction we are meant to be in. For this lesson, I am truly grateful.

Accepting we cannot be all things to all people

Sometimes in life you have to accept that you can’t be all things to all people. That all you can be is yourself. And if that’s not good enough then you have to be willing to say so.
It’s very tough accepting our limitations particularly when we are so used to being everything to realise that in the grand scheme of things we are pretty insignificant to the vastness and complexity of the world we live in. People grow and change according to their outlooks on life. Some people move in other directions to the ones that are the closet to them and that can be very challenging to deal with.
There are many people, couples, families that are dealing with the economic downturn and some are stronger than others. Some can try to maintain a positive outlook while others panic about what should have been or what should be rather than accepting there are some things that are just out of their control.
Sometimes we can be projecting our best intentions to everyone and trying to bring love and light into their hearts only to realise that their hearts and minds are closed because they can’t see the positive in anything. That is when it becomes challenging because it forces the ego of all parties to surface and wave the red flag in front of everyone’s faces. All that happens after that is a battle ensues, a silent war, with no one winning at all.
Negative energy is so easy to take on but very difficult to get rid of because it is driven by the ego and the ego is very convincing of its worth. The reason why it is so convincing is because it allows us to release anger, resentment and all the negative feelings that have been brewing inside us. And for a brief minute we feel some relief. But quickly that relief turns into regret because it is difficult to go back and rewrite what has happened. To take back what has been said. Times like these teach us the importance of living in the present moment – accepting we cannot change the past because it is done, accepting we cannot worry about the future because it is not here yet. All we can do is be present and live our present moment as fully as we can. Difficult but necessary.
As I was writing this, one of my positive thought quotes popped up and it said,
“May you find serenity and tranquility in a world
You may not always understand.
May the pain you have known and conflict you have experienced
Give you the strength to walk through life
Facing each new situation with courage and optimism.
Always know that there are those whose love and understanding
Will always be there, even when you feel most alone.”
Amen.

The glory in a beautiful sunny day

Yesterday in my Yoga class, the instructor told us that we should put our faces and hands in the sun for at least 20 minutes a day three times a week. When we do so it increases our Vitamin D levels. Vitamin D is important because it helps the body absorb calcium. Calcium and phosphate are two minerals that are essential for normal bone formation. The body makes vitamin D when the skin is directly exposed to the sun. That is why it is often called the "sunshine" vitamin.
Even more interesting is the fact that when I went into Yoga in the morning it was a dark and gloomy day. By the time I came out the sun was shining and there were only wispy white clouds in the sky. The humidity was low making everything look crisp and vivid. There is nothing more beautiful than the colours in Bermuda on a day when the humidity is low.
Based on this wonderful day I decided to take my Yoga teacher’s advice and enjoy the benefits of the sun. So I placed one of my outdoor chairs directly in the line of the sun and there I sat for quite a while absorbing the sun reading my book. I cast aside all feelings of guilt for taking this time to be on my own doing nothing. I just sat and read and thought. And more than feeling the Vitamin D stores growing in my body, I felt a sense of peace rush through me. I closed my eyes and let the colours of the rainbow flash behind my closed lids filling my body with warmth, love and hope.
I realised that not only is the sun necessary for calcium replenishment because very few foods naturally contain vitamin D, I now know it is good for the replenishment of our body, mind and souls. And once again this morning, the sun is shining down on Bermuda so I again stood outside in the direct sunlight and gave thanks for its presence and radiant light. Perhaps you should try it too today to see how quickly your outlook changes. There’s nothing better than the glory in a beautiful and sunny day.

The gift of writing

Yesterday my husband told me that my writing is really starting to flow nicely and instead of taking his statement as a compliment, I immediately became defensive and said, " So what are you saying, my writing wasn't flowing before?"
He looked at me and said, "Typical woman, can't ever take a compliment for what it is. Just accept the compliment and stop being so defensive."
I really felt bad afterwards for taking his moment away from him. What I should have said was thank you and taken his statement as a huge endorsement of my writing. Instead I said, "It's because I do it all the time now."
I thought more about his statement and realised that my defensiveness stems from my childhood where criticisms were more the norm than compliments. So it is very difficult for me to accept when someone compliments me. I am working on trying to change this mode of thinking because what I realise now more than ever is when someone compliments, it makes them feel good just as much as it does the person they are complimenting because compliments come from a place of love.
I also thought about my writing after my husband's statement and realised as with everything in life the more we do something, practice , embrace it, the better we become. That's why professionals have training sessions and practices because they recognise that if they do something all the time the brain focuses on it allowing them to develop skills they would not if they didn't practice. With this sabbatical I have taken from my working life, I have written every single day so writing is now second nature to me. Sometimes I don't even know what I am going to write when I sit down at my computer. Sometimes I look out of the window in my office for ages letting my thoughts run through until something sticks and then I start to write.
This morning I was sitting in the City Hall parking lot waiting for my Yoga Class and watching everyone rushing to work writing my blog and thinking about how fortunate I am to be in this position where I can hone my craft and work at it every single day without the stress of work. I know that this period of my life will come to an end soon but what I now know for sure is that I will continue to write because it is in my blood. It is my passion. I will continue to write because it helps me to exercise my demons. Think deeply about what is going on inside me. Writing allows me to tap into my authentic self over and over again because if forces me to listen to what is going on in my head and allows my thoughts to flow freely without judgement, without fear and without alteration.
Writing is one of the most liberating tools I have found for freeing my mind, for dealing with my inner child issues, for becoming a stronger woman, mother and wife because it allows me to get to know me on a much deeper spiritual level and for tapping into this gift of writing I am truly grateful.
I am also grateful for my job shutting down because it reminded me of what it is that I really need to do in order to lessen the chance of me losing sight of who I truly am again. I now understand why my writing is flowing more because it is coming from my authentic self. So thank you husband for helping me to see that my writing is flowing because what I realise is it's not my writing that is flowing, it is actually me that it flowing.