Patience is a virtue to behold

Patience is one of the best virtues we can ever learn. It is also one of the most difficult and challenging virtues to maintain. But when we do understand and accept the significance of having patience, we tap into the abundance of this vast and giving universe.
It is only through having patience that we take the time to reflect on what decisions will suit us most. With patience we learn how important it is to wait for opportunities that are best for our growth.
In a world where everything is instant, it is very difficult to be patient because we have grown used to instant gratification. But what I am finding more and more is that instant gratification is often quickly replaced by regret particularly when we have been rushed into making decisions based on fear. Fear is a derivative of ego which is laced with insecurity, the need to please and vulnerability.
If we stepped out of fear based thinking which is very difficult to do because we are living in a fear based culture, we would find patience is the key to our success. Because patience allows us the time to develop the understanding that once we show gratitude for all that we have rather than focusing on all that we do not have, abundance flows freely to us.
Patience provides a window to our souls because it allows us to clearly see we are the creators of our destinies because we learn through being still that whatever thoughts we project to the universe are the very things we attract into our lives. Having patience allows us to see this because it gives us the time to step back and assess everything that has happened to us allowing patterns to emerge for us to contemplate and change.
Patience also reduces the panic energy that repels people from us because no one wants to be in the presence of anyone who is in a constant state of panic. Negative energy such as panic based on fear is contagious quickly spreading to others forcing them to make decision hastily out of desperation. Desperation is the antithesis of patience because it is a by product of fear. Whereas patience is a by product of oneness and faith.
Having patience allows us to accept we are where we are meant to be and when the time is right we will move out of the place of contemplation and end up again exactly where we are meant to be. So why not be patient to hear and feel our inner compass pointing us home letting us know that “success is not to be pursued, it is to be attracted by the person you become.”Jim Rohn.

Seeing flashes of time through my children

Wow, what a morning! It was my daughter’s Christmas play this morning and she had one of the starring roles. My husband and I were more nervous than she was - worrying if she would forget her lines. But she was a superstar.
From the moment she walked into the assembly hall I could see she had full control over her character. Her stage presence was magical. She was dainty, well spoken and very clear. As I watched my daughter I saw visions of her as a grown woman – confident, independent and self assured and I was both excited and nostalgic at the same time. I saw her growing up in front of me on that stage and I had a huge lump in my throat.
I looked across at my son who is becoming a young man as well, a shadow forming above his top lip soon to be replaced by a moustache watching his sister with pride and I could see it won’t be long before he becomes a young man.
I looked at my husband then and felt a strong sense of love and endurance. I marvelled at what my family has had to endure and how much we have managed to accomplish and I am so grateful for that feeling of family togetherness. I am so grateful that we have chosen to raise our children in the manner we have. I am grateful that we try as much as we can to be there for our children because looking at them this morning I realised they are going to be okay because they know they are loved.
I know in the blink of an eye my son and daughter will be walking away from my husband and I as adults full of stories about our family life, some good, some bad – but at the base of it all – love. I realised that all children really want and need is to feel loved, heard and cherished.

Lady Gaga Queen of Reinvention

Lady Gaga – now I finally understand what the hype about this woman is all about. Not only is she a PR machine, she is the Queen of Reinvention. I became a member of Twitter once I started writing my blog on the advice of my brother and I am so pleased I did. Twitter has opened me up to people, places and events I never would have known about or even been vaguely interested in. But through these clever little tweets of information my curiosity has led me to discover more about things I would not have been open to otherwise.
One person who tweets relentlessly when she wants to get the word out is Lady Gaga and the tweets are not self indulgent as so many are. They are just matter of fact about whatever she is trying to promote and she does it over and over again. Her tweets stick in your mind without realising it then when there is a promotion about whatever it is she is tweeting about, you can’t help but look to see what it is as I did last night for her “Marry the Night” video.
I got the surprise of my life when I listened to her words. I had totally underestimated and prejudged this woman in the wrong way. I thought she was crazy but now I have the greatest respect for her because she has learned how to harness the power of the social media. She has managed to reinvent herself to a greater star than she ever would have been if she had stayed on the path she was on before being dropped by her record label Def Jam in 2006.
Listening to the words of her song and watching the video it appears that she was so devastated when she was dropped by the label that she contemplated suicide but then decided she was much more than that. She decided she was going to make it and be a star because she had nothing left to lose. From that moment, she decided to “marry the night” which to me means she was going to embrace the darkness she was facing rather than fighting it, resisting it. She accepted that she needed to see what the darkness was trying to tell her about herself. And once she did she knew she could not “give up on her life”. Instead she became the “Warrior Queen” lacing up her boots, not crying anymore and accepting that though it may have looked like she had lost everything, she still had her secret weapon - “her bedazzler” enabling her to do what any girl would and “did it all over again”. Reinventing herself as a fictional character who lives on the fringe of reality but mostly in fantasy.
She took the patches of her past, combined them in a fashion that suited her growth and moved on bigger, better, stronger, more assured, knowing what direction she wanted to go in and took control of her own destiny. Marrying the night allowed her to reach deep down inside to become the star she always was – with the battle scars to prove it.
Lady Gaga is now up there on my list of people who understand that darkness will always seep into our lives but only when we embrace it and “marry “ it do we come out on the other side as the stars we were always meant to be. Who would have thought but I am now a fan of this phenomenon. She went from devastation to having 5 million hits in one day for “Marry the Night” video and has 45 million Facebook fans. Like the Phoenix, she rose from the ashes and proving to herself and the world that doing it all over again is always better than giving up.

Skateboard Sunday

Today is Skate board Sunday in Bermuda where one of the shop owners, Darren Booth, who owns The Booth, a trendy shop that sells skateboards, paraphernalia that goes along with it and clothing gets permission from the Corporation of Hamilton to turn one of the Front Street parking lots into a Skateboard, BMX, and Longboard park. My son is an avid longboarder but finds it difficult to find places where he can freely longboard so he looks forward to this event.
This week he has told a lot of his friends so the telephone is ringing off the hook from parents who want to know what this skateboard Sunday is all about. All the boys are buzzing because there really isn’t much organised stuff for them to do particularly when they are twelve and are so conscious about what’s cool and what’s not. And there are very few safe places that they can longboard or skateboard without people complaining.
So this event is exciting to him because he can longboard to his heart’s content without worrying about cars or traffic or pedestrians getting in his way or anyone complaining that he is a danger. It’s great for us as parents because our boys can be outside with other boys and some girls getting fresh air doing something physical and fun. Any parent of an adolescent I’m sure can totally relate to how good it feels to find something for our children to do where it is not competitive or too structured because our children will go and participate without feeling awkward.
To watch their faces as they participate, to hear the joy in their voices, to see them let loose is music to any parent’s heart. So off we go. Enjoy your Sunday and I’m sure mine will be adventurous with all these boys, my husband and my daughter and her cousin and the other parents I will meet up with today as our boys fly through the parking lots without abandon.

Decluttering our lives

Sometimes it’s great to have a good clean out. To get rid of all the junk we have collected over the years. The junk that once meant something to us but no longer does. It’s amazing how freeing it is to purge. It’s also rewarding to find things you have been searching for but could not find and discover that they mean just as much to you now as they did before.
My daughter and I are going through her room today decluttering it because she is a hoarder. We have filled two trash bags already of stuff that she has outgrown or no longer even remembers why she has it. I had to take a break because the room is so turned upside down now that it has become intimidating almost to the point where I wondered why we started this process in the first place. So I decided to walk away and do what I like to do, write – to escape for a moment from the chaos we have created. To come to terms with how I am feeling. To free my mind. And to give my daughter some space so she can decide what’s important to her and what’s not without my interference.
I can hear her in her room going through her stuff. I can see her setting up her horses to make them look like they are in their stable. Redesigning her Barbie house with some of the designs she has picked up from watching her favourite show Design Star. Watching her determination to get to the end of her clean up without being bothered by the piles all around her because she is focused on one task at a time without looking around her to become overwhelmed by the mess we have created. She is even singing as she works. Children are so amazing. Their outlook is so fresh and free even in the midst of chaos.
As I am typing I am getting a clear Aha message and it is that sometimes we have to overlook the piles all around us and focus on one thing at a time because that’s the only way we can declutter our lives. Not becoming overwhelmed by every obstacle that blocks our path but instead focusing on what makes us happy tackling that first enabling us to build our confidence to go to the next task and the next until before we know it we are done – decluttered, focused, and ready to begin anew.
Okay so now that I am feeling inspired again back I go to help my daughter finish her room, one pile at a time until there are no more. And who knows before long I could be singing along with her.

Sometimes the best laid plans can cause us distress

Sometimes the best laid plans do not work out the way we want them to and this morning was one of those times for me.
I had all intentions of coming home after dropping my children off to school to do Zumba class then write my blog. While I was in the grocery store getting the morning newspaper, my cell phone rang and it was the school. My daughter had forgotten to bring her red jeans in for the dress rehearsal for her Christmas concert. I was in Hamilton and anyone who knows what the morning traffic is like in Bermuda will understand the panic I felt at that moment, particularly when she told me the dress rehearsal was at 9am! I looked at my watch and it was already 8.15.
Gone was any sense of serenity I felt that morning and instead panic seeped through my being. For a moment I froze on the spot thinking about all the plans I would have to alter as a result of this hiccup. Then I snapped out of it realising the more time I delayed thinking about what I had to do rather than doing it would lessen my chances of getting to the school by 9.
I quickly went to the register paid for the newspaper and ran to the car. I started to car only to look down at the gas gauge to see that it was on Empty. I contemplated just risking it to see if I could get home and back without stopping for gas then thought otherwise so I had to make a stop at the gas station. All the while my feelings of peace were slowly but surely evaporating being replaced by hot flashes and seeing my daughter’s sad face because she would not have her full costume.
I managed to get home, stuff a few walnuts in my mouth to stave off the hunger pains and deliver the jeans to my daughter by 8.55 – how’s that for a supermom! I felt good about accomplishing what seemed like the impossible forty minutes before but then when I got home I realised I didn’t have enough time to do my Zumba class because I have other commitments that I have to do today. My mind raced about what to do. I opened the family room door to let the beauty of the day stream in – the day that I had not had time to see this morning because I was too busy trying to get my daughter what she needed.
I stood outside the door and inhaled the crispness of the air and looked at the green leaves and decided though I could not do Zumba, I had to be grateful for the fact that I was able to deliver my daughter’s costume to her rather than concentrating on what I could not do. It was then that I realised though I could not do my Zumba class, I could get on my elliptical for half hour and let my mind calm down while I exercised my body. So I did and I felt so much better afterwards.
It made me realise that even though we may think we are going to do one thing, sometimes it isn’t meant to be at that time but there is always room to alter our plans and just go with the flow. Focusing on what we can accomplish, releasing the tension and upset and doing the next best thing are sometimes better than feeling sorry for not doing what we wanted to do in the first place. And when we do we will find that we do gain satisfaction just in a different way.
Hanging on to the best laid plans when they can’t work, won’t work for us causes many of us more pain than just accepting we can’t do it all, be it all but we can be flexible.

If I could change the world

If I could change the world and the way those around me think is something that has been spinning around in my head lately. It's like a broken record. I honestly used to believe I could change people and the world until I realised it was really arrogant of me to think that way. The only person I can change is myself. I can't change the way people think or what they do unless they want to change themselves.
What I have learnt over the years and am constantly being reminded of is that all I can do is change the way I react to people when they are not in the same space as I am. Sometimes it can be trying and tiring because I feel it is only with good intentions that I project positive energy and thoughts to those around me to only have it rebuffed in my face. It is at these times that I lose control of my energy and retaliate in ways that I know are not right. Because then I end up fighting so hard to make that person or people see my point of view that I end up in a battle with them instead of accepting the space they are in and honouring the fact that they are in that space.
And I realise that when I do this it is actually my ego stepping in because if I am honest about what I am doing, I am putting myself on a pedestal and looking down on that person because I want that person to see the world from my perspective when in fact that person has the right to see the world in whatever way he or she sees fit. If a person wants to be stressed, angry and disappointed with life, that person has every right to be that way. Just because I disagree with that perspective doesn't make my outlook valid. In some ways it can be demeaning to the person because I have rejected their feelings and thoughts all together. I have not allowed them to experience the lesson they are meant to learn by making them feel even worse about how they feel.
Living a nonjudgmental and nondefensive life is very challenging because all around us there are judgmental people and there are people that come into our lives to want us to have to defend ourselves against their actions. Living a life of love and light is challenging as well because it is not all the time that we want to send love and light to people sometimes we just want to scream at them and make them wake up to their own potential. What I realise now is behaving like this stems again from ego. Ego always wants us to be "right", "the most enlightened", "the best", "the purest", and the list goes on. When in fact what we should be striving for is balance because in life there is really no right and wrong, it is all perspective and what one person has to learn over another.
I know as I move to a more enlightened phase of my life I am constantly being challenged to rise above the pestilence and negativity present in my everyday life but what I must not do is judge or try to change any person other than myself. If I am successful at changing my energy then perhaps those around me will feel it and want to change themselves as well but it won't be through force or coercion. It will only come from pure love and light. Without expectation. Without ego. Without judgment. Changing the world comes from one individual at a time changing his or her outlook. One lesson at a time. One day at a time.