Trust revisited

“Somewhere in between the ‘no longer’ and ‘not yet’ is trust.” Temple Hayes
This is my mantra for today. I have to trust myself and my instincts to make decisions that resonate with me. I can’t live my life for others because in the process I will lose me. And if that happens, I will not be good for anyone let alone myself.
In the process of making decisions, we all have to reconcile that once we move away from something, close the door on it, we are immediately thrust into the ‘no longer’ stage followed closely behind by the ‘not yet’ stage. The ‘not yet’ phase takes much longer and it is this window that challenges us the most because we are forced to learn patience, learn the lesson(s) as to why we are no longer in that space, and we must delve deep into who we really are and what we want next.
I woke up this morning feeling just as windy and stormy as the weather outside. After dropping my children off I drove slowly back home thinking about what it is I need to release today. I then drove into my driveway – a driveway I love because I always think I am in an Enchanted World when I turn into my gates. Turning into my gates always fills me with wonder. It always startles me how I can turn off a busy main road into an oasis of tranquillity and peace as I am embraced by a tree lined driveway, with birds chirping, and flowers blooming.
Today I couldn’t help but noticing how beaten everything looked, whipped from the wind but still standing bending and flexing. Some leaves were burnt while others lay brown and dead on the ground. The vivid green I am used to seeing was duller because everything is fighting to stay alive. To weather the storm. My serene setting had been changed in a couple of days as a result of the stormy weather but the trees are still standing buffeting themselves from the whipping winds knowing this weather will pass and all they need to do is bear it the best way they can and have the patience and wherewithal to weather the storm. Knowing their beauty will return stronger than before. And for this knowingness I am truly grateful.
And I will hold near to my heart today the lesson once again presented to me in its simplest form by nature affirming Temple Hayes quote, “Somewhere in between the ‘no longer’ and ‘not yet’ is trust.”

Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy

Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. We are experts at sabotaging our own abundance, happiness and welfare. I woke up with this thought in my mind because I have been listening to so many people, myself included, saying that life is so unfair right now. There is so much anxiety, unrest and general feelings of animosity everywhere.
No matter where you are in the world right now we are being bombarded by bad news, war, violence, gossip and it is all contributing to that negative vibe of fear. Fear ultimately leads us to second guess everything we do and holds us rigid in the place we are because though we are suffering in that place, we know that place and are comfortable so we become too afraid to step outside that place and find whatever it is that will genuinely make us happy.
I had a conversation with a friend of mine the other day and somehow we got around to the topic of why some people are luckier than others when an epiphany hit me and I realised with great clarity that there are no lucky people in this world. There are people who follow their dream full heartedly and believe totally in themselves that doors open for them. And then there are people who believe they have no luck, carry dark thoughts around with them about their lack and as a result they never achieve anything no matter how hard they think they are trying.
In order to move out of our sabotaging ways, we have to repeat positive affirmations and get into the habit of thinking positive thoughts. Right now it is so difficult because our world right now is in a perpetual state of fear. What’s so amazing is that each one of us as individuals can help to shift the negative energy by acknowledging the dark thoughts that enter our minds then we can use positive thoughts to replace them. I’m going to try this today and see just how much I can change my outlook.
I also posted on my Facebook wall the twelve inspiring quotes from Thich Nhat Hanh posted by the O magazine under the title, Simplify Your Life. There is one in particular that resonated with my thought process and it says, “People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”
Belief in ourselves, our ability, and our power is what we need to free ourselves from suffering. As Thich Nhat Hanh also says, “Freedom is not given to us by anyone; we have to cultivate it ourselves. It is a daily practice... No one can prevent you from being aware of each step you take or each breath in and breath out.”
In other words, the way we chose to live our lives lies in how we believe in ourselves, treat ourselves and others. Simple but powerfully true.
Happy Sunday on this blustery wintery and dark day in Bermuda but today it’s beautiful for me and just what I need – the power of positive thinking, I love it!

Doing the best I can

Okay everyone. It’s crazy Saturday. The day I wake up in the morning with my head spinning – thinking of the number of activity drop offs I have to do for the children.
I start checking off the list - okay where do I fit in doing the laundry, getting the groceries, making sure the children are at their activities. Then on top of this I have this challenge to do so what am I doing instead – procrastinating. Doing nothing because I’m so overwhelmed with everything I have to do. Why do we do this to ourselves??
Why do we make life so complicated? I feel just like the weather outside today – moody as can be. One minute it’s so dark outside, I have to turn the lights on. Next minutes it’s beautiful sunshine and clear blue skies then I have to turn the lights off. Flicking in and out of darkness and light. That’s me to a tee- flicking between joy and panic!!!
Okay so I am looking for inspiration when I should be getting my daughter ready for horse riding but I need some time for me as well to get me on the right track and feel like I can accomplish something today too. I can’t stand still today because I’ve got too much going on. So I have to just go with the flow and steal moments when I can to get back inside my character's head today. I’m going to take my lap top with me everywhere today making my overstuffed large mummy bag even heavier than it normally is.
My son is brooding because he is being challenged at school and doesn’t know where to put himself either. There seems to be a thunder cloud hanging over my world today. I need to change my energy today so that the energy around me can change as well. Taking a deep breath and just getting on with it is what I have to do.
I’m trying. My mantra today, I’m doing the best I can.

On the Write Track

I woke up this morning feeling so inspired so uplifted and ready to take this writing challenge on - head on.
I feel like I have angels by my side guiding me encouraging me, leading me on.
I read a bit of my novel to my husband this morning and he loved it and all I was doing was writing. Not thinking about it. Letting the main character speak to me and develop as she saw fit. A lesson to me about life, my husband, my children and the people I encounter. Life is all about letting people develop and become who they are meant to be without us putting our expectations on them. Just like with writing once we allow expectations in, everything stalls and it becomes that much more difficult to move on.
After I read to my husband, I began to feel so good about my writing that I started thinking too much about the outcome. I am now at a particularly difficult part of my novel because I want the character to do one thing but I can feel that’s not where she wants to go because my writing has become less fluid than it was. So I decided to take a break, check my emails and breathe.
The first email I opened was from the Hay House called, ‘Your Writing Life’ and it is the Premiere Edition. Your Writing Life is described on the site as “a quarterly newsletter for all who have a passion for writing, speaking and taking your book, your product and your business to the next level”. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing or reading! The synchronicities of life never cease to amaze me.
The guest author was Dr. Wayne Dyer. When I read his column, I instantly knew I was being delivered a message from one of my angels. Dr. Dyer’s message was all about how people can get their message out there by writing and he said, “”...it all hinges on what Abraham Maslow taught me many years ago when I was a young doctoral student. He told me to put forth what I wanted, my work, my message, and then detach from the outcome.
“This is true for any life work because the work itself must be what is satisfying and fulfilling for you. Writing is challenging work because it's so easy to get consumed with how it's going, what's going to happen to it, who's going to like or not like it. You want to get all of that stuff out of your head and just let the work flow. If you incarnated to be a writer, if that is your passionate calling, then you'll be getting messages from Source, from Spirit, leading you in that direction.”
After reading and getting this message, I know more than ever that when we are truly on the right path, doors open unexpectedly. Angels and spirit guides pop out of the least likely places lending us a helping hand, guiding us to where we need to be. I am so open to the Universe right now and for this I am truly, truly grateful.
Thank you Dr. Dyer and the Hay House for being my angels today and for letting me know that if I want to meet this writing challenge I have to let go off the outcome and just let my writing flow. So off I go back to my novel...

Ego get out of my way

Okay so I’m running out of steam for my writing contest and it’s only day 3.
Ego is eating away at me. I know I need to stay off Twitter because that’s where the chatter is for the writing competition. People have written as much as 10,000 words and I thought I was doing well at 6000 so of course I start thinking I’m not good enough and that I can’t make it. My character is taking too long to develop. I can’t figure out where to take her from where she is now. She’s in a rot and so am I.
Thanks to all of you yesterday who expressed your support. One of the reasons why I decided to put the fact that I have entered this competition out there in the public domain is because I wanted to challenge myself more to complete it. Knowing that all of you who follow me are waiting to see how I do is giving me more incentive to reach my goal but today because of insecurity creeping in, I am feeling a little bit of pressure now to see this through.
Last night my neck was hurting from sitting at the computer for so long. My hands were sore – carpal tunnel syndrome and I was feeling a little defeated when I walked into my son’s room for reading time. He asked, “What’s wrong mommy?””
I said, “Just feeling a bit challenged from this writing competition.”
He sweetly said, “Mommy if you want to go back to writing instead of reading with me, that’s fine. I want you to finish.”
My eyes welled up. I was so touched by his sentimentality. “No,” I answered. “This is our time and I don’t want to lose that. I’m done for today anyway, I think.”
Then my daughter walked in and said, “What’s the prize mommy?”
I said, “I don’t even know if there is a prize because I am doing it as a challenge to myself to prove to I can write a novel if I want.”
After reading to both my children, I was exhausted and decided I would call it a night from writing. I showered then came to turn off the computer so I thought. But ego came creeping back in and I couldn’t resist going back on to Twitter to see what the tweets were for the competition. The word count from people was all over the place – some were well over 10,000 words, others at 0 but which ones did I focus on? Of course I focused on the ones whose word counts were higher than mine rather than being grateful for being able to write 6000 words in two days.
I immediately opened my story and tried to write some more. Because I was trying too hard, my writing was forced and my character stalled. I was frustrated so I turned the computer off in exasperation and went to bed. This morning I decided to write this blog so I could vent my frustrations, push ego aside, deal with my insecurity head on by acknowledging it and give myself a pep talk to continue.
I’ve decided to go to Yoga this morning to find that quiet place in my head to refocus and reconnect with my main character so I can hear her voice again and then I’m going to lunch with one of my friends. Hopefully by then I will be back in the rhythm again of writing, without question, without expectation and most of all without ego.
I’m counting on you for your positive vibes everyone. Chat to you tomorrow and hopefully I’ll be in a better space and on a roll again...

November Challenge to Myself

As many of you know I am at a major transition point in my life where I have to make some serious decisions about where I go next. I am nearly there and a lot of my direction has come from taking part in the Oprah LifeClass Webclass. Listening to the many people that have come on the class and shared their stories and having access to some of the best professionals to assist people via Oprah has been ground breaking for me.
My passion is and has always been to write. I was so afraid that if I did not pursue writing than I would have failed to reach my heart’s desire during this transition period. And I was really beating myself up about it. But one night when watching the show with Iyanla Vanzant and Oprah, what I realised is if writing is my true passion then I can do it whether I am working fulltime or not at all. I don’t have to abandon one to do the other. I was so relieved to know this because I had been procrastinating about moving forward with my life because I did not want to make the wrong decision.
I now know each decision that I make will help me to get to where I need to be and I feel I am on track for making a decision that will propel me to heights I hadn’t’ dreamed possible. This sabbatical has allowed me to explore so much about myself, life and people I encounter. It has taught me that as Martha Beck stated, “the difference between success and failure isn’t about fear but having the determination to pursue your heart’s desire no matter how scared you are.” And that’s why I have embarked on the National Writer’s Month Challenge for the month of November to write a 50,000 word novel in thirty days. Before I would have found every excuse not to do so because I would have been afraid that I was not good enough or that I was not capable of writing the novel but I am doing it and I am enjoying it. I have released all expectations for meeting the challenge and though I am afraid I may not complete it, I have to have the determination to try. If I don’t try I will never know whether I am capable.
So this month my blog may be spotty as I embark on this challenge. But I hope you understand this is something I need to do, to prove to myself that I am capable. I hope you will encourage and support me as I embark on this challenge.
I know this month I have to repeat positive affirmations over and over again to myself to keep me motivated to meet this challenge. And I hope you will use this month to challenge yourself to think positive as well and pursue something that resonates with your heart and soul.
Signing out now as I have to write 2000 words a day to meet my challenge. Wish me luck and send me positive vibes please.

Oh what a night

What a wet and fun night we had last night for Halloween. There were puddles everywhere and the rain was bucketing down. All of us parents wanted to head back indoors but the children were all screaming for more.
We went back to my Aunt’s house to try to dry off but the children were restless and wanted to go back out again. When we looked around at the sad faces – at least twenty of them peering back at us, my cousin and I relented and piled as many as we could into the car and took them around the neighbourhood to continue trick or treating. The squeals of delight were enough to make the coldest heart melt as we drove out of the yard to start the fun again.
We stopped at several houses and they all piled out shouting treat or trick. The mood was ebullient. The homeowners grateful to be giving out their candy so they wouldn’t have to eat it. And then the suspense began to mount the closer we got to the Haunted House. Dares were being taken as to who would venture in this year.
Despite the rain the children decided they would walk the last few houses before they got to the Haunted House – my guess was because they were trying to delay getting there. As soon as we were in front of the House, they all piled back into the car peering wide eyed at the house, no one daring to move. Then two of the older children got out and went into the House rushing back out full of wonder and fear.
I turned to my cousin and said, “Let’s go in and get our fright for the night.”
Her eyes grew wide, “Are you serious?” she asked.
“Yes, let’s go,” I dared.
“Who will take care of the children?”She asked trying to find an excuse not to go. But there were two cars in our group so I said, “Let’s get the others to look after the children so we can go in.””
We did and they agreed. My daughter heard I was going in so she insisted that she wait on the other side of the Haunted House for me to come out. This year it was much bigger than last. Each year it gets larger. Cars were parked all along the street as people come from near and far to go into the Haunted House. Anticipation hung in the air as people of all ages came out screaming, laughing or wild eye.
I couldn’t disappoint my daughter as she stood in the pouring rain waiting for me to go in and come back out again. So in we went.
We walked into the House, down a long narrow corridor and when we turned the corner, the terror began as I screamed and swung my arms to stop anything from getting near. I won’t spoil the fun of the Haunted House by giving you all the gory details but suffice to say it was scarier and better than the year before and well worth venturing in.
I came out the other end with my cousin draped around my back, screaming and laughing at the same time to the sheer delight and relief of my daughter and her cousin.

“Did you hear us scream mommy!”She yelled. “We heard a loud thump and we screamed because we were scared something happened to you.””
“We were screaming so much that we couldn’t hear anybody else but us,” I answered between laughter. And did I ever feel proud of doing something I would not normally do and you know what it wasn’t that bad.
And so there ends another Halloween night, no egging, no trouble, just good old fashion fun. Until next year.