Tropical Storm Fay helps me

I am sitting here in the dark. Blinds wide open looking out over the dark calm sky. Thinking about life. My life and where I am going with it. Grateful for so so much even though my circumstances are not exactly ideal, I know I am better off than many.

Instead of beautiful music playing in the background as I write this blog, I am listening to the sound of the generator my husband has hooked up so we can shower and have lights on in the kitchen.  More grateful for that sound than the sound of my meditative music. Showing how perspective changes everything.

Storms have a funny way of clearing out the unnecessary debris. Debris that no longer needs to be with us. They clear the path for rebirth killing off that which no longer serves and allowing room for that which needs to come through.

Unexpected storms, as the one we had yesterday morning in Bermuda,come to remind us that life can change in an instant and if we don't get rid of the debris that we need to be rid off, life willl do it for us. Ripping things out of our hands before we believed we were ready to let them go. And particularly when we step back after they are gone and know they were meant to be gone long ago. When we know certain debris was burdening us rather than helping us. But we were too scared to admit it was time to let go. Too afraid of what others may say or do. Worried about what we would be like after the debris had lifted and we have nothing else to blame for burdening us except ourselves. Giving away our power to those who do not deserve space in our hearts.

So Fay came out of the blue turning the sky a very strange yellow as the stillness of the morning was replaced by the noise of a furious storm. Whipping the trees round like they were paper. Ripping off branches. Uprooting trees that had been through many a storm before. Taking them away because their time had come to end.

Sending us all into a state of shock because we had not anticipated the wrath of Fay. Not believed she was going to be that bad.

In the aftermath as my neighbours all came together so we could dig our way out of the debris that had taken over our shared driveway, I felt something shift inside me. As I picked up avocados making it a game with the neighborhood children I realized the storm had come to mirror the one inside me. To remind me there is a time and place for everything. 

As I looked up at the downed power lines,cable lines and telephones lines cutting me off from the world, I knew without a doubt that Mother Nature had come to shut me off from the world to allow me to really go within. To think about where  I am and where I want to be.

As the children ran off to do something else leaving me on my own, I realised with great certainty it is time for me to shut down. To go within. To reassess what debris needs to go out of my life so I can make room for the next stage of my life. And in order to do this I have to pull back from writing my blog. To stop putting so much of myself out there. To take stock.

So this will be my last blog for a while. I am not sure if I will start up again but for now I am letting it go so I can go within to truly hear what my inner voice is telling me without worrying how to word what I am feeling. Without worrying about who is lurking in the darkness trying to take advantage of my vulnerabilities. Giving myself time to be as vulnerable as I need to be to access the whole truth of who I am without being judged by others.

I would like to thank those who have journeyed with me over the last three years. You know who you are and for you I am eternally grateful. Your undying support encouraged me to go on.

I have learnt a lot through this process of sharing my blog but as Tropical Storm Fay taught me yesterday sometimes we have to listen and take heed of life's warnings. Because when we don't, we open ourselves to forces we need not have in the first place. We expose ourselves to events not needed in our lives. Until we no longer know who we are or what we stand for.

I will continue to write just not publicly. I am grateful for Tropical Storm Fay for taking me by surprise allowing me to know what I have known for a while. Everything has a time and place. There is a season for everything. And the season for the public me is done for now. As I finish the light is rising  in the sky, the birds are chirping and the new day has begun as am I beginning anew. As am I being reborn. So with both a heavy heart and a blissful heart, I bid you all adieu with love and light. Namaste

Every opinion we have is from our perspective

Every opinion we have is from our perspective
So is there really a wrong or right
A right or a wrong
A black or white
White or black
Every thought we have
Is based on our individual lives
Our  individual challenges
Our individual triumphs
Our individual hurts
Our individual joy
Our individual pain
Our individual pleasure
So why are so judgmental
When we do not walk in the shoes of any other
Only the shoes we have on our feet
Only our path
Only our life
Yet we spend so much time
Too much time
Living someone else's life
Trying to measure our lives on theirs
Rather than living our lives
And growing ourselves
Why do we think we can condemn
And belittle
When all we are doing
Is condemning and belittling ourselves
Why do we spend so much time
Too much time
Looking out there for
Someone
Anyone to blame for where we are
When all we need do is look within
To find the fault lies there
Within
Deep deep within
We are the ones who form opinions
Thoughts
Judgments
Based on the place we come from
From within
Based on our own insecurities
Based on our own lack
Based on what we have
Based on our own experiences
So whatever we are condemning another for
Is really what we are condemning ourselves for
For what we see in another
Over and over again
Is what we see in ourselves
Is what we want
Is who we truly are
A mirror of our selves
When we are able to see the good in others
We see the good in ourselves
When we know the situation is too toxic for us to be in
We walk away and don't look back
But we never do so from a place of hate
We do so from a place of love
When we walk away from anything and anyone with hate
We have not dealt with what we need to deal with
And so we keep taunting
Keep trying to be the person or thing we hate
And in doing so
We give up on living our own lives
Give up in being who we are truly meant to be
And when we do
We become opinionated
Judgmental
Full of envy and hate
Obsessive even
Because we are so busy trying to be
The person over there
Rather than the person we are inside
So the next time we want to judge
The next time we want to condemn
The next time we want to gossip
Think about it
Think about it long and hard
Who are we really judging
Who are we really condemning
And when we are silent
And reflective
And honest with ourselves
We know in our heart of hearts
We are only judging and condemning ourselves
For we do not walk on any other's shoes
We do not live any other's life
Except our own
Only our own

Life mirrors my every thought

 "Life mirrors my every thought. As I keep my thoughts positive, Life brings to me only good experiences."
There are so many moving pieces in my life right now. So many choices to makes. So many paths opening. Which one do I take? Why do we get lulled into a false comfort zone when it is that comfort zone that is keeping us locked  - locked in the greyness of life. Looked in the haze so we cannot see clearly. So we can find no way out. We think we are comfortable but we are not. For when we are too comfortable we are not growing. We become stagnant. Bored.
Why do we run from that which will grow us the most. That which scares us the most. When we complain about life passing us by. When we see others taking the reins of the bucking horse and riding him  high like he is a mule. Why do we stand on the sidelines when we know we should be in the arena fighting like the gladiators of old. Fighting for our place. Our place in this world.
Life mirrors our every thought. So why do we cling to the negative,. To that which shadows our view. That which keeps the light out of our lives and lies only in the shadows of those who do. Why don't we take the chances that come our way. Always explaining ourselves to others whose business of our lives is not theirs to have or take or to know. Why do we feel we need to justify what we do when it is our lives to live and not theirs.
When did we learn to consider others way before we consider ourselves. Knowing deep down inside,  when we do, all that happens is we satisfy no one. When we know if we do not satisfy ourselves first, we can satisfy no one after that. We may be able to play the game for a while with that false and "safe' front we put up but eventually the facade crumbles and we are left sitting in the dust while those who were judging us move on to judge others. Or worse yet, take our rightful place or use our name to get what they want.
When do we understand we have power over our lives and only our lives by the power of our thoughts. That what we think about the most is what we attract. What we desire the most even if we think we are clever and try to suppress it or disguise it as something else, always comes to get us. Delivers to us exactly what we want.
So when I found this quote - a few weeks ago now- I held it. Held it in my thoughts until I was ready to explore it. Ready to see where it took me from a writing perspective to understand what I have been suppressing. What I have been thinking. To understand why this quote stayed with me. Hidden in the recesses of my brain but in plain sight for me to see it and dwell upon it. Until this morning when I finally understand the why. That in order to have the life I want, in order to live the life I want, I have to watch my thoughts in order to determine where I will dwell. In  order to be who I want.
To recognise that dark thoughts come to help me understand the light. To know that even when it is dark outside it is up to me to find the light because in every situation there is the antithesis. It's just up to me, to us to choose which side we want to be on. Which thought we are going to carry to become who we are because it is so so true, "Life mirrors my every thought. As I keep my thoughts positive, Life brings me only good experiences."
Life brings to me whatever it is I think because it is what I think that I attract - positive or negative. Good or bad. So it is up to me to decide which one I want and only me. No one else. For life mirrors my every thought.  Namaste

My journey of love and light

Hiding
Writing
Exploring
Helping
Wondering
How and Why
Do I continue
Or do I stop
Am I writing for me
Or am I writing guardedly
Not sure anymore
Hesitant sometimes
About what I expose
Because I know there are those
Looking for my weaknesses
Ready to pounce
Lurking in the shadows
Trying to anticipate my every move
So I try to be discrete
Sometimes writing in riddles
Sometimes not writing my truth
Because I know they are watching
And waiting
Hiding in the darkness
Using others to send me messages
Messages I no longer want to hear
Nor need to hear
So I try to be discrete
But now I am questioning
Why should I be discrete
Why should I hide
These are my lessons
My writing from the heart
And if someone is choosing to live
Vicariously through me
Choosing to base their lives on my story
That is their business not mine
If I try not to live out my life
Through my writing
Writing that is my morning coffee
Writing that sets my intention for the day
And no one esle's
Unless we are on the same wavelength for the day
Which I am grateful for
Then I have to just do what I do
So I don't lose my story
Don't lose my voice
By trying to disguise it
By trying to hide
This is my blog
My inner voice
My joy
That which gets me up in the morning
Puts pep in my step
And so I will hide no more
I will write for my deep down inside
guide
The one that never lets me down
The one that never fails me
When I am authentically me
I can't worry about the motives of others
Because they are not mine
Because eventually they will learn
Living an inauthentic life
Is tiresome
Boring
And just too exhausting to do
And hopefully they will learn something
From reading my blogs
That life is meant to lived
As the life we choose
Not based on revenge
Nor nay saying
Nor hate
Nor competition
Hopefully one day they will realise
That the only person they are ever fighting
Is themselves
Not anyone else
Never anyone else
And if my blog teaches them that
Indirectly
Then I have accomplished great things
So I will not hide
Not be discrete
Because this is my journey
My journey of love and light

A Prayer for Peace

I woke up this morning with the moon streaming through my bathroom window. Calling me to pull up the shade to let its full light through. Allowing the beams of light, the rays of love to fill me. My broken body full of disease this morning. Willing me to write this prayer for peace. Pulling me out of my discomfort to write this prayer, this prayer that filled me. That came from a place deep within. This prayer for peace.
I pray for the Universe to shine down on all of us
Lifting us out of fear
Filling us with love instead
Asking us to address that which we fear
So that it does not control us
Until we are left alone
Asking for peace to come into our hearts
Pushing aside war
Knowing that all war is
Is fear
Disguised to look like aggression
Making us falsely believe we are fearless
When in fact we are full of fear
A fear that is driving us
Under this Hunters Moon
Where the light turned from yellow to red
Red like the blood
The blood that is spilled needlessly
In the name of triumph
False triumph
Because in true triumph
There is no blood shed
Only love spread
When we we see the signs of the universe
For what they are
We understand
That there is enough
Enough for us all
We don't need to steal someone else's light
Pretending it is our own
When in fact it is not
When our light is really over there
Where there is plenty
Rather than laying in the shadows
Of someone else's light
Waiting lurking
For their weakness to show
So we can pounce on it
Thinking it will help us
Make us grow
But the only thing it will do
Is diminish us
Make us more fearful
Exhibit more pestilence
More jealousy
More war
Because we know
We are not standing
Not standing in our own light
But we are in the shadows
The shadows of someone else's light
Rather than accepting and knowing
Who we are
And being who we are
So we can stand in our own light
As I come to close
I look for the moon
To find it low in the West
Obscured somewhat by my Poinciana tree
But when I look
Look carefully through the leaves
I see the moon
Its light still hanging on
And then it is eclipsed
Eclipsed by the sun
Just before the dark sky
Turns into the morning light
I end my prayer
My prayer under this Hunter's Moon
My prayer for peace
My prayer for forgiveness
My prayer for letting go
And letting be
So we can all claim our spot
Our true spot in the light
Where we don't feel the need
To steal someone else's light
When there is enough light
Enough light for us all
When we embrace who we are
For all we are
Under the light
The light of the Hunter's Moon
Amen

Sometimes we want to become just like them

Sometimes we are so tempted
Tempted to become just like them
Like the ones that disparage our names
Like the ones who taunt us from afar
Like the ones who wrong us
Then pretend we wronged them
When we don't become like them
When we remain ourselves
And confuse the hell out of them
Sometimes we want to be just like them
Spread malicious gossip about people
Try to get others to hate them as much as we do
Try to get everyone to see our point of view
Prove that we are right and they are wrong
Getting people to side with us
Not with them
Sometimes we want to become just like them
Ruining lives so that we can be triumphant
Stand on top of the dead bodies along the way
And declare we are King of the World
Queen of the species
Sometimes we just want to get in the mud
And sling mud like the best of them
Forgetting it is not the best of them
But the worst of them
So instead of craving to be just like them
We need to stop
To breathe
To pray
To mediate
Give ourselves time
Time alone
And when we do
We discover
When we step back
When we go deep within
And observe the ones that sling mud
The ones that gossip about everything and everyone
That their hearts are empty
Their souls are lost
Their minds are poisoned
And they only do what they do
Because they desperately want to be accepted
Desperately want attention
Desperately want to deflect away from their own shortcomings
So they pick on others to make them look bad
So they can look good
So they do not have to deal with themselves
So why would we want to be just like them
Why would we want to step into their arena
And become just like them
When it it is easier to move away
To not be tempted to be just like them
To not have to justify who we are and why we are
To them
Or to anyone else for that matter
Our only mission in life is to live the best lives we can
To be the best we can be for us
Not for them
Not for anyone else but for ourselves
Because in living our best lives
We help others to live their best lives
Because we emulate an energy
An energy that radiates pure love
Unconditional love
Allowing the light within us to shine through
The love from our souls to pour out
But when we become just like them
The ones with the poisoned souls
All we do is create bad karma all around
Bad karma for us
Bad karma for them
Creating a vicious cycle that we cannot escape
So on those days when we are tempted
Oh so tempted to become just like them
Just like those who spread negativity
Pestilence and hate
Remember all we are ever seeking
All we are ever looking for is love
Never hate
Never spite
Only love
And when we do
We become love
And light
Allowing us to let go
Let go off hate
Let go off revenge
Let go of having to prove ourselves
Allowing us to embody the universal sought gift
The universal soul gift of love
And then our attention shifts
Our hearts become full
Our energy lightens
And we see the error of our ways
We know our goal is never to become like them
Never to sling mud at others
Never to become full of spite
It is always to be grateful
To be love
To be light
And when we do
We realize we are never alone
We are always enough
Because we know
We are love

Reaching our own state of Nirvana

On Saturday my husband, son and I attended the TedXBermuda event at the Fairmont Southamption Princess. From the moment I sat down and saw a most beautiful painting as the backdrop for the event, I knew I was in the right place at the right time. It felt so good to be in the company of seekers like me. People looking for the betterment of themselves and in doing so, the betterment of mankind.

Tedx is a wonderful organisation that has evolved to open our minds. To challenge us to think differently by listening to the stories of many storytellers who come up on stage and are brave enough to share their stories.
The event opened with a young lady called Ishrat Yakub, hula hooping in a style I had never seen before. Watching her spin  the hula as if the hula was an extension of her body was mind boggling. Particularly since she was using the hula in ways unconventional to the norm. And then when she was done, she spoke so poetically about what the hula had done for her. A young girl who grew up in Dubai where modesty was more acceptable than anything else. Where dance was frowned upon because it was not modest. But yet when she saw someone hula dancing for the first time, she felt a stir within her and so she decided to take lessons. Lessons that opened her up to a side of herself that had always resided within her and had been waiting for her to discover it. Liberating her from her fear of her own femininity.
She said so many beautiful things after her mesmerizing act of hula hooping but one thing she said in particular that struck me was, "Sometimes when I am hula hooping, I reach a state of now, the state of complete self acceptance and being fully present." Meaning she reached her own Nirvana. Even typing the words I can feel her state of peace. Her ecstasy. Her present moment connection while she is in her zone, when nothing else matters except her and her hula hoop. Except that state when she becomes one with everything and nothing. A state I know all too well when I am writing. When I let go and let be. When the words flow out of me rather than me to trying to control the flow.
It was as she spoke that I realized more than anything finding our passion and practicing it every moment we can allows us to reach our own individual state of Nirvana. Allows us to see and feel that we are a part of a much bigger whole. That what one does to another, affects us all. That we are more interconnected than we know but we only know this when we find what brings us back to the beginning. What brings us face to face with who we are and why we are where we are. Because it is in this zone that we are opened up to joy, pure joy and abundance,
For Ishrat it is when she gets within the circle of her hula that magic begins to happen to her mind, body and soul. A magic that allows them all to become one allowing there to be no separation between the movement of her body and the hula as they flow together without force. Without interruption. Just being present in the moment and letting the movement of the hula and her body synchronize such that their movements flow to natural rhythm of her soul. The rhythm of her heartbeat which is the heartbeat of the Universe.
At the break I was too full to want to go out and mingle with the crowd. I wanted to sit in silence and reflect on the speakers that I had just heard. I wanted to savor the feeling of awe I felt that I was able to be in the presence of so many wonderful thinkers and doers. To fully digest the sense of privilege and blessing I felt that I was in the position to offer this experience to the sponge mind of my 15 year old. Allowing him to expand his thinking beyond the norm of his circle. To let him see the possibility that exists for him when he discovers his passion. Feeling so proud that our son was sitting with his father and mother on a Saturday afternoon learning as we were learning - learning together as family. Wishing my daughter was with us but she was off doing her passion. Rehearsing for a play. And as all these thoughts were running through my mind, I looked up at the painting that formed the backdrop for the event and silently expressed my gratitude for the learning that I was experiencing with my family. As I felt like the person depicted in the painting sitting on the rock looking out at the moon and the endless horizon - at the all that is us all when we are ready.

And then I felt this presence behind me . A presence that willed me to turn so I did and sitting behind me was Ishtar. Somehow she seemed much smaller than the performer who had been on stage. More vulnerable than the woman that was in the zone with her hula on the stage. And it was this vulnerability that invited me to chat with her. Only to discover that this talented young lady is a resident of Bermuda. An auditor no less who arrived in Bermuda from Dubai via Canada. How she had come to perform because she had volunteered to help at the event. Only for someone to discover a YouTube video showing her hula hoop skills. Allowing her to go beyond just volunteering to performing. Showing that when we listen to our inner voice, we are always led to where we need to be.
There were so many other speakers that I could write about and maybe I will but today it was Ishrat that moved me to write about her. To share her story to allow us all to remember when we listen, really listen to our inner voice, it always leads us to the place where our passion can be unleashed and set free. Allowing us to be unleashed and set free. Happy Monday everyone. Feeling totally blessed and inspired...