A week of reflection

This has been a week of reflection. Of endings and beginnings. Of fire and renewal. Of partings and entries. A week of surprises and upsets but at the end of this week and on this Saturday as I reflect, this week has shown me that life is unpredictable, full of trials and tribulations and endings but all to help us to build character, compassion and to learn about the importance of living in the here and now.

It started with my niece entering the Miss Bermuda contest. With all my sister-in-law’s family as well as mine gathering to cheer her on. To see her sweep up the majority of the prizes but not the one she had her eyes set on. But life was showing her that just because you don’t get to your destination, the detour of gaining the other prizes was what she needed more than the title. Disappointment for her but opportunity presenting itself in another way.

On Tuesday lunchtime my husband and I went to the moving up ceremony for our son who just ended his middle years at his school getting ready to enter his senior years. The ceremony was short, sweet and poignant. With part of the ceremony being when their names were called to collect their certificates, their baby picture was shown side by side with their present age photo. Causing many of us to gasp at how quickly time has passed and how much our children have grown. Ending of the middle years. Making way for the beginning of the senior year.

Then on the Tuesday night my brothers and sister and their families along with some of their friends all gathered at my house to celebrate my niece’s victory. An impromptu gathering because my brother and his wife were leaving the next day to go back home to Tennessee. But the gathering ended up better than if we had planned the gathering for weeks. With lots of memories talked about. Lots of beginnings discussed. Showing that sometimes it’s the unplanned that turns into the best plan.

Then on Wednesday of course came the fire, threatening to take away all that we own but was contained before it could take away everything. Yes the fire took away sentimental items that can never be replaced, but it did not take away our family, our love, our togetherness and spirit and neither did it take away our home. We consider ourselves to be the luckiest people in the world because of what could have been but was not. Taking me to my quote of the day that said, “I bless the past with love, take a deep breath, and move gently into the new. “ That’s what the fire has done for me. It has cemented those memories into that deepest recesses of my brain, opening space for me to move into the future with love and gratitude.

My brother and his wife coming to the house before they left to show us support as our yard was still full of firemen and the acrid smell of smoke. They took the photograph of my husband and I standing with the fireman who happened to be my cousin. Their time in Bermuda ending. Their journey back home beginning. Our time with the things in the shed ending and our life without them beginning.

On Thursday my daughter had her prize giving. Marking the end of her time in Year 5. Making way for her to enter her last year of primary school. My husband and I there to watch her take home a prize with pride on her face. Watching her getting ready for next school year to be the amongst the oldest in her primary school.

That evening we went to dinner at Blu to celebrate our children’s end of another school year and to celebrate that we were still together as a family despite the fire. And to celebrate life, renewal, and beginnings. We sat near the window overlooking the harbor. The evening light so magical. Shifting as the sun was setting. Light bouncing off objects almost making things shine bright like diamonds. What a perfect evening we chose to celebrate our endings and beginnings. Watching the majestic sun setting in the west. Casting an image of a 5 sided star on the water. The hues shifting from blue, to red, to orange before the sun slipped below the horizon line. Taking in the beauty of the place we live in. Grateful for seeing before us the ending of the day with such splendor and grace. Allowing us to understand and see endings make way for a new day as the sun slipped away.

On Friday my husband, son and I attended our daughter’s flying up ceremony from Brownies to Guides. Looking at the little ones who were making their pledges to become Brownies and thinking of how quickly time flies by. How it seemed just like yesterday that my daughter was making her Brownie pledge and now she is on her way to becoming a Girl Guide. Jumping the toad stool on her way to Girl Guides.

Life is all about change. About beginnings and endings. About upsets and disappointments. About us learning more and more about ourselves. But also it is about living in the present moment. Being aware of every action we take, every statement we make, every intention we have because we are setting the stage for what is to come and who is to remain in our lives. And for this week of endings and beginnings, upsets and the unexpected, I am truly grateful because I am learning that life moves on regardless of what we are doing and it is up to us to be a part of it, fully present in each moment. Because no two moments are ever the same. With gratitude and reverence, Namaste.

Life is all about how we view it

Just two days ago, my family narrowly escaped a catastrophic event on Tuesday June 26. And as I was walking around our yard, I realized my yard is a clear illustration of how we choose to view our lives. The charred section of the yard versus the rest of our yard. Destruction on one side and abundance and life on the other.

If I turned my back to where the fire occurred and faced my yard on, it looks pristine. Perfect and green. Birds flying around. Butterflies fluttering. Trees blossoming. Flowers blooming. The perfect picture representation of life moving on. Life living. Birth. Beginnings.

But if I turn to face the area of the yard where the fire was, I feel like I am looking at the apocalypse. Burnt out and charred bits and pieces of items that were once whole.  Desolation. Death. Endings. And if I chose to stand and feel sorry for myself by looking at all I have lost rather than turning and facing the abundance and fortune I have based on what was saved. What remains without even being touched by the fire, I could miss out on all that is left. Miss out the gifts and treasures and abundance that still remains.

I could miss out on the lesson that was sent to me and to my family by the power greater than us but is within us at the same time. I could miss seeing that we were being told to not concentrate on the things in life that don’t work out as planned. Not to focus on all that is burned and charred. Not to focus on what we have no control over. Not to focus on lack.

Instead if we turned to face all that is still available to us. All that remains. We will see there is still so much in life to be grateful for. So much in life to live for. That even when things burn and go away, there is always a sense of endings and beginnings. A sense of renewal. That even in our darkest night if we turn away from the loss, we will see there is still the light.

When I look at my yard, I am reminded our lives are lived according to how we view our circumstances. We can either wallow in the sorrow of what we have lost or we can turn to the light and the all we always have. The abundance freely and always available to us when we turn to face it and truly see and appreciate what we have. What we have control over and what is working for us.

When we do our whole perspective changes and we see we have so much in our lives. Much more than what we have lost. So much to live to and to feel blessed for. I am grateful to still have a home. To still have my family. To still have a yard full of life and beginnings. Learning to concentrate on all that I have gained rather than on what I have lost.

And that’s what the Universe was trying to teach me and I could not see it until I almost lost it. And for this lesson in abundance versus lack I am truly grateful.

 

A Fire too close for comfort turns into a blessing

Going to bed last night was a bit nerve wrecking but waking up this morning felt extra special.

You see yesterday started out as any other day. Me feeling possibility abound. Dropping the children off at school. At work going through the day with my Assistant. When my phone rang. My personal phone which I happened to have in my hand. Something I hardly ever do. And it was my husband calling me to tell me our house was on fire but everything was under control.

I had to hold the telephone away from my ear as everything in my office started spinning. My hands shaking.  Did my husband just tell me our house was on fire? Fire.  I could not comprehend what he was telling me. Surely not us. How could our house be on fire I thought? He told me he was at the house and everything w as contained so I didn’t have to panic nor did I need to come home. But my instincts were telling me to go home. To see what was happening.

So I told my Assistant I had to go. Rushed out of the office. As I was driving home I could smell burning in the air from at least a couple of miles away. My heart pounding then. My body in a cold sweat. All I could think about was little Mysty being dead. Suffocated from the smoke and how would I ever be able to tell my daughter her rabbit had been killed in a fire. I pushed the pedal to the floor and drove as quickly as I could. Trying to get home as fast as I could.

As I got to the main road to my house, the road was blocked by a police car. Panic set in even more. Why was the road blocked off by a police car if everything was under control? The smell of the burning even greater. My nerves on edge. I told the policeman it was my house on fire could I please get in. He moved forward and I turned into our road only to find two huge fire trucks blocking the road. The smell of burning that much more acrid. Taking my breath away. I felt like I was in a dream. Like I was having an out of body experience.

I left the car in the middle of the road and ran to my house. In 4 in heels no less. Got to the yard and there were firemen everywhere. A police woman talking to my husband. And thick black smoke billowing out of what looked like everywhere. Not a scene I was expecting to see at all. So I broke down as I got near the steps. My whole body giving in to the unexpected scene I came home to. I started shaking and crying. The police woman holding me. My husband hugging me when she moved away.

I said I had to get Mysty out. Thick smoke was billowing toward her cage. I feared I would find a suffocated little rabbit. The fireman came with me to her house. I called and called her name but she did not come. Panic really setting in then. I climbed into her house and found her crouched in the corner. Shaking but fine. She wouldn’t move when I called. Didn’t move when I walked closer to her. She was so terrified she was glued to the spot. I pulled her out and held her close to me. So relieved to find her okay. I took her into the house and sat with her a while to calm her little racing heart.  Happy she was okay.

I went back out to survey the damage. Relieved the flames were out. Smoke clearing. Our shed that held all of my grateful journal for the last 20 years, Christmas decorations I had had for 20 years, Christmas decorations the children had made in school, photos, the children’s bikes, my husband’s segway and more personal belongings all gone in that instant. History that had been kept as mementos now stripped away. As if the Universe was telling me that part of my past was over in a physical sense, it was time to move on. I was heartbroken that my past had been stripped from me. Heartbroken that my children’s Christmas decorations they had ever made were gone.

But then once I talked to the firemen and they told us had it been five minutes more we would have lost our house, losing those possessions became minor. They got there just in time to catch the fire as it was spreading to the eaves of our home. Had the flames hit the eaves, the fire would have gone to the roof and they would have had to take off the roof. Our home done.

I later discovered that my neighbor was late going to work and it was she who had raised the alarm. Had she been early our home could have been gone. There were so many intervening angels who helped to save our home and our rabbit that I cannot say our grateful I am.

I picked the children up from school so they would not come home to see the burnt out trees, the shed that no longer existed, and the devastation of fire. My son’s bike he had saved up for gone. When I told them, my son said all day long at school he felt like something was wrong. My daughter panicking about Mysty.

When we got home to see the charred trees, the ashes of what remained of our shed, the burst window where the flames were so close to claiming our home, we were all so grateful for being spared. So grateful for the higher power who sent the fire while we were all out of the house and during the day when it could be discovered rather than at night when we were all sleeping and could have been taken.

As my husband went through the rubble left, he pulled out my Christmas angel burnt but still intact, sitting as if she had been guarding us during the fire. But when he held her up for me to see,  she crumbled in his hand as if to say my job is done. As if she was letting us know she had protected us for as long as she could but now her job was done and she was no longer necessary. Sending chills down my spine.

Yes we lost memories that can never be replaced. My son lost his first major purchase. But what we did not lose was each other. Nor did we lose our home. So we are all still shaken by how close we came to a catastrophe but at the same time we are feeling truly blessed and grateful that we are all still here as is our home.

And I am also grateful to know I was shown first hand yesterday how quickly life can change. How each moment we have on this Earth in our present state is a blessing and should not be taken for granted. Because just like how I started the day yesterday thinking all was well. Within an hour I had almost lost it all. But I was spared and so was my family and our home. Now we know we have more work to do here in this physical plane. We were spared for a reason. And it’s time to really start living in the here and now.

And for the blessing of the fire for teaching me to focus on the here and now, I am truly grateful.

The best laid plans go to waste

Sometimes life does not turn out the way we expect. You know the old cliché "the best laid plans go to waste" is so true. What I am realizing more and more each day is that in order to feel good about where I am, I just have to let go of what I thought was so and embrace what is.  And when I do, I feel like I have liberated myself from something I did not even know was holding  me back.

When I acknowledge to myself that there is no perfect way to do anything. There is always the possibility that what I wanted is not really what is meant for me. When I stop resisting what is, that’s when what is meant to be, happens. But it only happens when I stop beating the dead horse. When I stop trying to force the key into the wrong lock. When the key breaks and I am left on the outside of the door rather than inside where all is well.

I find that when I trust and have faith in the Universe that’s when I feel such deep and heartfelt contentment with my life. When I am able to open doors freely. Discovering there was no key needed to open them in the first place. All that was needed was for me to be true to who I am. When I get still and listen to my innermost self I am gifted with a treasure greater than I ever expected. Greater than I ever dreamed possible.

I find that when I striving for something that I know deep down inside does not feel right to me, I struggle. I feel like I am banging my head up against the wall. I feel frustrated with my lack of progress.  So I keep banging my head up against the wall.  Until the wall crumbles. Leaving me standing looking at the mess of the wall. Realizing the outcome was not what I wanted in the first place. That the mess is greater than the wall that was there trying to stop me from going down the path not meant for me.

But when I listen to my inner most thoughts, when I surrender to all that is, I am always given what is best for me.  Best for my growth. Best for my character. Best for my spirit. And when I surrender and accept the locked door or the wall in front of me was placed there as a detour to change my path, there is nothing greater than the joy and satisfaction that come with it. But it only comes when I trust, let go and go with the flow.

And when I show gratitude for even the most perceived mundane gifts that come my way, my joy and satisfaction intensify because I know each one is sent to help me to grow.  When I follow my higher instincts and listen to my heart, I am always in the rhythm of life, the natural flow where there are no locked doors or walls to keep me out of where I am meant to be. Instead I go with my flow which is in turn the flow of the Universe. Allowing me to accept I am where I am meant to be. To embrace what is. Where I am right now. Opening me up to possibility, spirit,the gifts, treasures and abundance of the Universe. And for this lesson I am truly grateful. Namaste.

In the richness of the Supermoon

Sunday night I stood in the window when I got home from the Miss Bermuda contest mesmerized by the large moon that was sitting right outside my bedroom window. Beckoning me. Calling my name. Asking me to stand in its light. So I did. I stood for quite some time enraptured by the light of this “super moon” as it has been dubbed by many. Feeling like I could touch it. Like I could feel its magic. Its immenseness closer to me than ever. I whispered a prayer to it and to the Universe. And then I went to bed. Full of all that is, was and ever will be.

I woke up yesterday morning a bit later than usual but was drawn to the bathroom window and there was the moon.  As if it was waiting for me. Shining so bright it almost seemed like the sun.  It was a bit lower in the dawn sky than it had been in its night sky. But still holding court as if it was not ready to let go off its might. Despite being  somewhat obscured by the trees,  its light and fullness were not ready to be hidden from my sight. I could feel it still. Haunting. Drawing. Mysterious. Its immenseness once again calling my name. Drawing me in. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. Breathing in its might. Its light. Again enraptured by  its pull.

Feeling its energy coursing through me, I thanked the Universe for all that is, was and ever will be once again. And then I opened my eyes and exhaled.

During my meditation I felt the fullness of the moon. The richness of life radiate throughout my whole being. And when I opened my eyes, I felt the presence of life’s balance as I sat between the rising light of the sun on my left eastern side while the moon still clung on in the dawn light on my right western side. Perfectly exemplifying the yin and yang of life. The male female pull. The night giving way to the light. All while I felt solidly anchored in the middle. In the space where all is balanced and right. Where there is always white light. Where all the colours of the world. Of our minds are absorbed into one. White light. Snuffing out any darkness. Any pain. Any fear. All gone. Replaced by the perfection of being in the presence of the white light.

I allowed myself to surrender in that moment. Breathing in the essence of the space between the retiring super moon and the rising morning sun. Accepting the dichotomy of endings and beginnings. Leaving space for me to hear the voice of the Divine telling me to stay rooted and all will be revealed to me. When the time is right.

I could feel my being vibrating in that space of white light. As my mind expanded to see and feel the perfect balance of the world we currently exist in.Illustrated by the night moon holding court in the West as the day light sun rose in the East. Fully feeling the presence of the all knowing, the One Source, the Force greater than us all but is within us all giving me a glimpse into the perfection from which we all emanate.

Filling me to the brim with gratitude, love and white light. Allowing me to wake this morning with its memory still imprinted on my brain. Its essence still flowing through my being. Knowing I am of that light. Of that beginning and of that end. As are you. As are we. As are us all. Namaste super moon. Namaste all that is, was and ever will be. In the richness of the super moon. In the dawning of the morning light. Amen.

Congratulations Echaunti Swan, Bermuda's first Miss Hospitality

This morning I woke up a little later than usual but with good reason, my daughter and I along with my sister and brother and his wife and his wife’s family as well as a host of friends attended the Miss Bermuda contest last night to cheer on our niece, daughter, granddaughter, cousin and friend as she represented the parish of Hamilton Parish.

From the moment she entered the stage, she carried herself like she owned that stage. Her enthusiasm, confidence and that certain “je nais se quoi” that either we have or not exuded from the stage. Capturing our attention each time she walked on.  I am not saying this because she is my niece. I am saying it because my niece has always been confident about who she is. More sure of herself than some who are well into their lives have ever been or ever will be. And she is only in her early twenties! She has a head start in life she is not even aware of yet. The power of confidence mixed with compassion she has is unmatched in its combination and force.

And the reason she is the way she is because she has parents who have encouraged her from the start. Told her she was beautiful. Told her she was smart. That she was the entire package. And never discouraged her from pursuing any of her dreams regardless of whether she fit the role entirely or not. And as a result of this, she has always been able to “lean in” to coin the phrase I now get from Sheryl Sandberg. Echaunti Swan, my niece, is a great role model for young ladies because she puts herself out there all the time.

She does not hide from who she is nor does she allow anyone else to take who she is away from her. She does not lean out. She leans in with the greatest of presence. And when the night ended last night all of her dreams were not fulfilled because she really wanted to win the Miss Bermuda contest. With her saying ,”I was so close”.

In my eyes, she won more than she ever could have with the crown, she won the hearts of the people. And that is something so rare. She walked away with the first Miss Hospitality, Miss Congeniality and First Runner Up in a contest that shows not only that looks matter to a certain extent. But it also showed to be successful young ladies must be able to command the stage, be who they are right here right now and be able to show they are capable of “leaning in”.

I always thought being in a beauty contest was absolute folly until last night when I saw something in my niece that is so lacking in our world right now, the light of possibility and abundance shining through in her eyes. The presence of the Source radiating from every bit of her inner spirit pulling us, drawing us all in. To my niece Echaunti Swan, daughter of my brother Eddie Swan and his wife Lisa Swan, granddaughter to Mrs. Elizabeth Davis, niece of Sharon and Scott, and niece, cousin and friend to many others we know you are about to enter the world stage with so much learnt from your experiences thus far in life culminating in you not getting the top prize last night but in you seeing and believing in who you are and embracing you. Allowing you to open yourself to possibility and grace.

Good luck Echaunti with the rest of your life. You've only just begun.

And more importantly, you have been given a gift from the Universe in taking you so close to what you wanted but not quite giving it to you yet because you are being prepared for something greater. You are being led to exactly where you need to go. To be. To see. And when you see it and be it there will be no stopping you then. And we are all rooting for you.

My well wishes also to the winner of the Miss Bermuda Contest, Miss Smiths Parish, Katherine Arnfield and to all of other contestants who were brave enough to walk the plank as the saying goes. Good luck to you all.

God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves

I had a restless night last night. I find that whenever there is a pivotal full moon approaching as is the one tomorrow night, my brain gets scrambled. Full of thoughts, people, events that are in the deepest recesses of my brain. I see them clearly. Hear them in my dream almost as if I am awake. And then I can’t decide if I am awake or asleep. I wake up in hot sweats. Not just from menopause but from life itself and my thoughts.

So this morning when I woke up or decided I had had enough of being on bed, I got up to the joyful noise of the birds. Their music always makes me smile. Always makes me feel better because it tells me life is moving on and I am still blessed to be a part of it.

But this morning even with the rhythm of life playing out around me, I felt a bit sad and confused by certain actions that people have been taking of late. People who know exactly what they are doing to manipulate in order to become the center of attention regardless of who they hurt along the way. And I know I am big enough to rise above that manipulative behavior from a spiritual level but there is also my human limited and egotistical other half that wants to jump in the ring and fight them. So last night a lot of these scenarios were playing out in my head. Taunting me. Almost as if I was being tempted to sink to the level of the lowest common denominator.

So I meditated. Allowed my brain to quieten. To go to the Source.  I felt the tension easing. My sense of purpose coming back.

Such that when I opened my eyes, I was led to read my daily meditation. Something I normally do after I write my blog. But this morning I was led to it before and once I did, I knew I was being led to the answer from the Divine in the words, “God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves.”  

A light bulb went off in my head as I understood the why of what has been happening of late. The situations are not to punish me or to demean me. Au contraire, they have been sent by the Divine, The Force that is greater than me that is also within me, to see situations I am not meant to be in. To understand when I refuse to get out of bad situations of my own volition, God, Allah, Jehovah, Buddha, or whatever it is we want to call the Force that is greater than us but is also within us, always provides the way for us to see where we are not meant to be and who we are not meant to be with.

When we take too long to make the decision, the decision is made for us and is often not in a pleasant way. And the reason it is so harsh is because we failed to see the signs along the way. Refused to take the path that the One Source had been showing us was the easy one.

But there is no refusing what is and what is not particularly when we throw our hands up and whisper help to the Divine. Because whether we realize it or not, we are always given exactly what we ask for – sometimes not when we want it nor in the form we thought we would get it. And it’s not always the thing that we carry in the forefront of our thoughts. No, it is the intention that is buried deep down inside us that is meant for us. And most often it becomes the thing we say we don’t want because that is the energy we are projecting to the Universe. So that is what we are given.

So when we can’t remove ourselves from situations, when we feel we are stuck and can’t go on, when we set our intentions, consciously or not, that is the vibration we are sending, the energy we are projecting and that’s when, “God does for us what we cannot for do ourselves.” So be careful what we ask for, set our intentions on, because that is exactly what we will get.

Thank you Universe, One Source, Force greater than me that is also within me, for helping me to see the situations troubling me were given to me to do what I could not do on my own. See on my own. Without being shown the truth and the light by the power of the Divine. In the light of the glorious moon last night with the answer arriving on the promise of this new way on this new day. With love and light. I am blessed to see and hear and heed the messages of the One Source. And for this blessing and lesson I am truly grateful. Namaste.

Control is accepting

Control is a funny thing

A controlling thing

Instead of liberating us

 It binds us

 Imprisons us

Chains us to always having to be right

Always having to be in control

Always trying to take over

Never allowing ourselves to let go

To surrender

Instead we take on more

Don’t say no

Can’t say no

Won’t say no

We let the list grow longer and longer

Until it becomes topless

 Bottomless

 Endless

 Infinite

And then we get spun round

Upside down

Inside out

Because we are so busy 

Trying to be in control

A slave to the ego

Chained to our insecurities

Because having to always be in control

Means we are masking

That we are out of control

Terrified someone will know

We have no idea

Of what the future holds

Rather than accepting

Having control means

Being so confident

That things will work out 

No matter what

If we let go and let be

But most of us can’t

Won’t

Don’t

Because

We carry our insecurities

Like a security blanket

Childhood scars

Limitations

Excuses

Stopping us

Hindering us

From

Letting go

Because ultimately

We are so afraid that if we do let go

If we give up control

We will lose

When in fact we are losing all the more

When

We don’t give up control

When we don’t let our minds wander

Be free

Our hands idle

Our bodies still

Our thoughts meander

Instead we jumble our lives

Our thoughts

With unnecessary clutter

Confusion

Control masked by ego

Until

The control issues we think we are suppressing

Become so colossal

So huge

Fueled by

Our need to control

That we lose all control

And then paranoia steps in

The path becomes a jungle

Causing us to fight

Unnecessarily

To clear the way

Until we have no other choice

But to let go

To surrender

And accept that control

Comes not from having control

But from

Surrendering control

Not from harnessing it

Not from hoarding it

Not from controlling it

It comes when we say

I surrender

I surrender all

And mean it

Then let go

And let be

And that’s when we realize

Control is a funny thing

That can never be harnessed

Hoarded

Or controlled

It comes when we accept as Lao-Tzu says,

Always we hope

Someone else has the answer

Some other place will be better

Some other time it will all turn out

This is it

No one else has the answer

No other place will be better

And it has already turned out.

 Only then do we accept

Control 

comes not from having control

But from letting go

Accepting it is what it is

And we are here

Right now

Where we are meant to be

Thursdays are becoming like Mondays for me

It seems that Thursdays are becoming my Mondays now. When I feel like I have run out of gas. When waking up at 5 becomes a chore rather than a blessing. When all I can do to muster up the strength to face the day is to get up at 5.30 or slightly thereafter because my mind, body and soul is so exhausted.

It seems that all the relaxation and joy I feel on Monday mornings about facing another work week is getting depleted by Thursday. From all the negative energy I am having to deflect. All the two facedness I am having to be strong about. All the bickering that is taking everything out of me. By Thursday I am trying really hard to not be judgemental. To not get in the mud and start slinging it like so many others.

I am breathing in and out. Telling myself that no one else is putting me in this state but me. So I am the only one who can get myself out of this downward spiral. Asking myself why am I dealing with all this chatter? Why do I find myself in the middle of battles that I have nothing to do with. What is it about me that I am attracting this heavy energy? That I am in the middle of the negative. In the middle of the mudslinging?

What am I being shown? I ask over and over again. Such that by Thursday, as in this morning, I am fighting to get out of bed. Fighting to find the energy that is more balanced. Fighting to find harmony and to project that harmony into my home life, workspace and onto those who so choose to cross my path. So this morning when I was meditating, I asked the Universe to deliver me from evil as in the words spoken in the Lord’s Prayer. For thine is the Kingdom, the power and the glory forever and ever. Amen.

Words I have not spoken for quite some time but they are there in the recesses of my brain like a mantra coming out when I need them. And then I opened my eyes and felt something telling me to open the windows. Not to put on the airconditioning but to open the windows and listen to all that is positive every single day. Listen to life waking up. To birds singing. To the smell of the new day beginning. And when I did, I could feel possibility floating back into my life on the freshness of the morning breeze. I could feel the positive of nature entering my space again allowing me to see there is more positive in our world than negative but when we cling to the negative and not open the window to allow in the positive, we lose sight of what we are here to do.

We lose sight of the fact that we are here to help each other. Not to hinder. Not to judge. Not to pull each other down. On the wisp of the fresh morning air and the birds chirping making space for me to understand when I remember what I am here to do, to support, to love, to be grateful for everything, the negative will not pull me down. Reminding me the negative is here to challenge me yes but not to pull me into its den.

And then I inhaled deeply. Exhaling slowly I could feel the gratitude for seeing another Thursday. For the blessing of waking up rather than feeling burdened by all that is happening around me. Remembering everything that is happening is happening for me to learn either how to be or how not to be.

Willing me to take everything and everyone in my life as blessings. As gifts from the Divine to teach me how to learn. Bring it on Thursday. Bring it on work. I am ready and armoured with the gifts, treasures and abundance of the Universe infusing me with love and light so I may share that love and light with those who cross my path. Remembering always it is up to me to walk away or to remain. And if I choose to remain, I do so with love and light and gratitude even in the midst of the mudslinging. For thine is the Kingdom. The power and the glory. Forever and ever. Amen. Within me. Not without me.

And for this Thursday lesson, I am truly grateful.

Life is full of life

The other morning I was standing at my bathroom window watching life waking up all round me and suddenly it hit me that life is so full of life. Even when we think nothing is happening. Even when we think we are standing still. Life is happening all around us. Bursting with vibrancy. Eager to live. Making space to carry on.

Nothing in life remains the same. Even if it looks like it does to the naked eye. There is always something happening. Always something beginning or ending. Or something  just living in between.  My Poinciana tree that was bare the day before is suddenly full of red flowers. Full of leaves. The blue bird box that was empty before now has a family of bluebirds in it. Roses filling the little rose bushes along the walk way. Every day there is a new treasure for me to see. Asking me to recognize that life is full of life.

I inhaled deeply just thinking about how life goes on no matter what. How things change no matter what. How we change no matter what. Thinking about how sometimes I feel like a little girl trying to find my way. Then I see a friend of mine from way back and I see their features ageing. Forcing me to look at myself in the mirror to see I too am aging. To accept I am not a little girl anymore but a fifty year old woman.  Making me realize life is full of life including mine and if I don’t take an active part in it, it will live without me. Go on without me seeing the gifts and treasures so readily available to me.

I look at my children. My son looking me in the eye. His voice deep and I think of the day when they allowed me to take him home from the hospital. How terrified I was of what this little baby meant.  How no one had had shown me how to be a mother of a new born before. So how was I meant to take care of him? Panic stricken I took him home and now here he stands some 14 years later. A boy on the cusp of manhood. The years whizzing by like a race car.

As I stood at the window I saw life is really full of life. Constantly changing. Replenishing itself. Giving us what we need when we need it. Asking us to live like it does for the time we are in our physical bodies. Asking us to accept the change that comes into our lives and go with it. To stay in its flow with gratitude and grace. For when we do, we too will be like the bluebirds, butterflies, cardinals and even the huge crows that fly in and out of my yard, full of life. Full of abundance. Full of possibility never doubting there is enough for all of us because life gives us exactly what we need when we need it.

Life is so full of life. Listen to it sometimes. The songs of praise we hear from nature. Look at it sometimes. The beauty and abundance we see in nature. Be in it sometimes and then we will know without a doubt, life is full of life. Change. Growth. Possibility. Life. Namaste.

Childhood memories

Father’s Day always conjures up so many memories for me. Particularly when I go to visit my dad as I did on Father’s Day. Particularly when I am alone as I was on Sunday. Driving past all my childhood spots and seeing just how drastically they have changed as have I.

Looking at the houses that I used to frequent as a young girl. No longer inhabited by the people that made a huge difference in my life. People who looked out for me, cajoled me, set me straight when I was out of line are now either dead or moved on to other places. But the buildings remain. Strange to see them but no longer the same. Physically intact but spiritually so different from when they housed people who helped to make me into the woman I am today.

Driving past the bank where we all used to sit for hours on end. No longer the bank but a huge house. Replacing our touchstone. Our gathering spot. The bank gone. Along with our secrets. Our talks. Strange how it felt to know my bank. The bank where  I sat when my brother came to call me on that ill fated day 37 years ago to take me home to find my life had changed forever. Now that bank is no longer there. Strange how it felt to not have that touchstone. To not be able to sit on that back ever again. In the same way I will never see my mother again in the form I knew her for 13 years.

But yet the memories of all those places, people and things remain. Rooted in my psyche. Imprinted on my heart. As if it was just yesterday. As if time had stood still. I could see all the faces of all the people who have now passed on as if they were standing in front of me. See them as clear as if they were here before me.

Nostalgia creeping back in for me to how things used to be. How things can never be the same again because that’s what life does for us. Grows us from our youth to where we stand today. Focused on the now. I thought back to all the plans I had. Plans that have changed and led me in directions different to what I had envisioned but somehow landing me in a better place. Exactly where I need to be.

Thinking back to when I roamed the hills with not a care in the world. When I thought I was invincible and the world was out there. Now looking back and seeing the memories of my past, I know life is for the living in each moment we get. I also know the world is not out there but it is in here. Inside of me.  Within me. And when we live with gratitude, love and appreciation , we are always led to where we need to be.

To my childhood memories of yesteryear I am truly grateful for helping to ground me in the here and now because that’s all that is promised to me. Reminding me though the physical may stay the spiritual changes greatly. Teaching us to live. Truly live in each moment we have. For though things may stay the same, they change drastically at the same time. For as Tim McGraw says, "We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere." So true. Namaste.

I am truly blessed

I am truly blessed. Yesterday was another glorious summer, spring day in Bermuda. Where the air is fresh. The skies blues. Clouds scattered. The trees in my yard so green. Flowers bursting from everywhere. Inhaling and exhaling all that I am and have with gratitude and love.

And I sat outside on my porch with my little Misty crouching at my feet. Nudging me gently to be touched. To be loved. Looking up at me like I am the best person in the world. Her love. Gently taking in her silence. Thinking about how we are all the same – animal and human – in our quest to be loved and to give love.

Taking her to run on the grass. Watching the glee on her face with the expanse of the yard not like her confined house. Watching her nibble on the grass. Her ears standing erect when there was a cry of a bird. Halting in her place. Sniffing the air to see if there was danger. When she is satisfied she was not in danger, here ears becoming floppy again as she went to grazing in the grass.

Looking up just then to the full branches of the Poinciana tree and there above me was a blue bird. Beautiful in its own right. The moment framed by the branch, leaves and the sky. With the gift being the sight of the blue bird. Quietly sitting enjoying the fresh air as was I . As was Mysty.

And then just like that Mysty was off hopping quickly across the yard. The serenity of the moment broken. With me chasing after her so she would not escape into the road or into the neighbour’s yard. Feeling the fresh air on my back and face. Feeling the promise of all that is, was and ever will be. Standing at the far end of the yard looking back at my home. The home that my husband has been meticulously renovating. Making it into our own. Seeing the palms bending in the breeze. The hanging baskets my husband lovingly cares for in full bloom. Taking in the natural colours given freely to us by Nature every single day.  And feeling so grateful for all that I have. Feeling so blessed for all that is in my life.

A husband who loves me. Most of the time. A wonderful father to our children. Setting examples to them about life. Two beautiful children. And our pet rabbit Mysty. Showing our togetherness as a family and feeling like I am the luckiest woman in the world. In that moment. Captured outside with our rabbit, Mysty. In the fullness of the moment. Amen.

An award long overdue to a teacher of teachers

I was so pleased to see one of my favourite teachers in the world, Mrs. Joan Blades, has been honoured for all that she has done for her students and for the Bermudian community at large. I was pleased to see a teacher had been bestowed the honour of a Queen’s badge. As I often feel the importance of teachers in children’s lives is overlooked. Taken for granted. Not praised enough. Not rewarded enough. And hence the best of people don’t often become teachers because they don’t feel they will get the accolades that others receive for doing less for the community.

Teacher like Mrs. Blades are more than teachers. They are mentors. Role models. People that children who have no one at home to give them direction provide children with direction. A roadmap on how to be in life and how not to be. They provide a touchstone for children who are wandering in the dark. I know because I was one of those children when my mother died in 1976. I don’t know where I would be today without teachers like Mrs. Blades.

Mrs. Blades was my Chemistry teacher at The Berkeley Institute when I was there from 1975-1980. But she was more than a teacher to me, she was a mentor, mother and friend. She taught me the importance of silent grace. Understated elegance. And more importantly that you don’t have to be loud to be heard.

That’s what Mrs. Blades meant to me. She was the calm in the storm. The silent warrior whose looks and expressions said more than any spoken word ever could. And she noticed me. Inspired me when so many others did not. Saw potential in me that others including myself did not know existed. She saw in me the vulnerabilities I tried so hard to hide. To suppress. She saw through my hard exterior and helped me to see there was so much more to life than the limited life I was living.

I loved Chemistry because I loved Joan Blades and still do. I think of how I wanted to please her so much because she always seemed to look out for me. I never wanted to disappoint her so I always tried my best with her. Her teachings staying in the back of my mind. Engrained forever not because I needed Chemistry for anything I would ever do in life. No because she taught it and I wanted to be in her presence.

Her quiet and understated yet powerful presence still remains within my psyche. And that’s the sign of a good teacher. A teacher whose teaching remains even when we are grown. Even when we become the adults and the teachers ourselves. When we learn that the teacher is always the student as is the student always the teacher. When we learn there is no difference between teaching and learning. That they are one in the same because in order to teach one has to learn and continue to learn to teach.

I am so pleased for the honour that has been bestowed upon one of my favourite teachers who became one of my surrogate mothers when I had no mother of my own. When she looked out for me and taught me how to be a woman of the world by giving without expectation or demand. Mrs. Joan Blades the epitome of a woman of quiet dignity, humility, reserve and grace. Refined simplicity who taught how to walk placidly amid the noise and haste.

For every Chemistry formula I had to memorize, what I remember the most about Mrs. Blades is that each and every action has an equal and opposite reaction. For Mrs. Joan Blades I am eternally grateful and proud to have been a student of hers. So I am extending my heartfelt congratulations to her on being bestowed a Queen’s award. Not that she needed it anyway because she will always be a Queen of my heart and the hearts of many of her students forever.

In the greyness of the new day

I am finding that I am being drawn to the morning light again. To the time when the night turns into day. That time when all is grey and the light is not quite there to assume its place over the darkness of the night. To the silence of change. To the silence of infinity. To the silence of the silence.

It is at this time when all is quiet that I get to listen to me. To my thoughts. To my fears. Apprehensions. Regrets. Wins and Gains. To all that is within me helping me to be who I am meant to be. When I give myself that time to just be, I understand that all the confusion in my life is because I am allowing myself to be stretched in too many directions rather than focusing on what is right in front of me.

When I listen to the sound of silence in the greyness of the day when the light is not quite there, I understand that life is not black and white but grey. Somewhere in between there is the truth in everything.

When I listen to the sound of silence in the greyness of the day when the light is not quite there, I understand there won’t always be answers to everything in the way I expected. But there will always be answers when I seek without expectation. When I am patient and wait. When I don’t dictate to the Universe but ask to be of service, I find I am led. Always led to the place I am meant to be. To the people meant to be in my life.

When I listen to the sound of the silence when the day has not quite taken over from the night, when the light is there but not quite, I understand that there is always something happening in my life even when I think I am standing still. Because there is no such thing as standing still when everything around me shows it is constantly changing. Allowing me to understand change happens even when we stand still because it is so subtle that we think we are not growing or changing. Even in standing still, we are changing because then we are surrendering to the eternal motion of our Universe. The infinite change that happens to us all the time. Simple things like our nails growing. Or breaking. Our skin constantly replenishing itself. Our physical bodies changing all the time as are our spiritual beings.

When I listen to the sound of the silence in the greyness of the new day, when the sun is not quite up but is there in the background waiting for its turn to take over from the darkness of the night, from the moon, I understand there is a time and place for everything and everyone. And when I wait my turn and fulfill the role the Universe has sent me to fill, in time I will shine too. Not at the expense of anyone or anything else. But in conjunction with everyone and everything else. For I understand there is a natural order to our lives that encompasses us all. Me plus we equals success.  Nothing more. Nothing less.

And that is why I am drawn to the silence of the breaking dawn, when the greyness of the new day is surrendering to the light, when the night is giving way to the day, the moon to the sun. In silence. In reverence. In gratitude. Because in that silence I hear life all around me. Growing. Changing. Expanding. Just like me. Just like us all. In its time. In our time. Namaste.

We are extraordinary ordinary people in our own right

Yesterday a friend and I were conversing about life based on the way people treat us and our reactions to them. Based on what our expectations of ourselves are and how sometimes they can be so lofty that we forgot who we are. Forget to live our lives because we are not in it. We are trying too hard to be beyond it. Over there. Not here.

And what I realized is we spend so much time trying to be extraordinary rather than being the ordinary people we are that we lose out on seeing the ordinary every day blessing in our lives. The ones that could lead us to the extraordinary life we are meant to be living. By projecting we take ourselves out of seeing night turn into day, winter turn into spring, flowers bud from seeds, baby birds hatching, trees come to life again after their winter sleep. We overlook the butterfly fluttering across our path. The birds chirping in the morning. We overlook these ordinary extraordinary events because we take them for granted. So we don’t even see them. In our minds, they are so ordinary that they don’t matter. But they do because they remind us that life is constantly changing. As are we.

Imagine if we stayed focused in the present moment and truly were aware of all that we have, are and are receiving in that one moment. Like the ability to wake up in the morning. The ability to see. To hear. To walk. To talk. To touch. To feel. Using our five senses and the sixth sense of our intuitive minds. Imagine how much more fulfilled we would be. We would understand that we are extraordinary with all that we can do.

Being extraordinary beyond ordinary comes with added burdens such as not being able to walk down the street without being recognized. Not being able to do the simple mundane things we do every single day of our lives without being followed by someone who wants something from us. Demands something from us. When our heads rise above others, we put ourselves in the position of being knocked down. Taken out by the ordinary people that put us on the pedestal in the first place.

We don’t realize just how fortunate we are to be anonymous when we need to be. To not have people constantly hounding us because we are extraordinary. I’m sure those people who become famous wish they could be anonymous just once again so they could live ordinary lives. The very lives we all take for granted.

And then I am led back to a book I was meant to write. A book I dismissed because I am not famous. Not extraordinary. A book called, “An Extraordinarily Ordinary Life”. And the premise of that book was to talk about the fact that I realized by living my life as I am meant to, rooted in the present moment, appreciative of all that I am allows me to live an extraordinary ordinary life. But somehow I allowed the thought that my life is very ordinary to make me believe I did not have an extraordinary story to tell. Forgetting that each one of us is extraordinarily ordinary with an extraordinary story to tell because not one of us is exactly the same or reacts the same or lives the same.

My conversation with my friend yesterday helped me to remember that where we are right here, right now no matter how ordinary and mundane it may seem is exactly where we need to be. Not reaching for tomorrow that will never come. Not reaching back into the past we cannot relive. But being rooted in this present moment. Aware of all that I am. Grateful for that knowledge allows me the ability to live an extraordinarily ordinary life. As can you. As can we all. Namaste.

Energy is a very powerful thing

I was between two minds about writing and posting the blog I wrote yesterday about people that talk behind our backs because it was a deeply personal issue for me. But boy was I glad I did. The conversations that ensued after  I posted my blog told me I had done the right thing by sharing something so personal for me. And what it did for everyone else was a bonus for me. A validation in some ways for writing about my truth.

I just wanted to reiterate that each one of us is an individual. With different hurts. Needs. Desires and lessons we have to learn. Sometimes those needs, wants, desires, hurts and lessons intersect and co mingle but they will never feel exactly the same to any one of us. Because we are each here to learn something slightly different. Therefore it is very important to not intentionally judge another person. Or place expectations on any person’s reaction to us. Because we will attract that same energy back into our lives.

When  someone does something to us, remember always it is not to us, it is for us. A gift for us to learn that much more about who we are and who we are not. We cannot spend the rest of our lives seeking revenge or wishing bad karma on the person who wronged us. Instead we need to thank them for helping us to see something about ourselves or themselves we would not have seen had they not done what they did.

It is these times  that drop us to our knees. Crush us to the ground. Make us want to retreat from human kind that allow us the most growth. And the reason they do is because they force us to dig deep. To go to that place inside all of us reserved just for us. That place that nurtures us and takes us back to the One Source. To the place where we receive the answers we are seeking about our trials and tribulations and allows us to glimpse the Divine.

But we only get to that place when we go deep. When we go into our silence and listen. Really listen. When we remain on the surface toing and froing with the person who has given us the gift of the Divine, we never see the Divine. Instead we see our own human limitations and we become the energy we hate. So instead of growing, we project that energy back into the world and we stall. Becoming fearful. Resentful. Angry. Disappointed. And that’s the energy we project to those who come into our space. And that’s why doors keep closing for us. Because without realizing what we are doing, our energy is so negative or desperate that it repels rather than attracts.

Energy is a very powerful thing. It is something we can’t see or touch. But it is there and it is energy that allows possibility into our lives. When I said I was hurt because people talk behind my back, I was and still feel twinges of the hurt. But what I also know is these people are talking about me because there is something about me they want. Not because they really hate me but really because they love me but can’t admit it to themselves because in some strange way, they believe it will take something away from them if they were to admit it.

Though I know on a deeper and spiritual level there is nothing I can do about what someone else says about me, does to me, sometimes my human limitations allow my ego to rear its ugly head and I become what I despise.  Making my lesson that much harder to learn. Taking longer for me to get to my Divine space. But what I do know is when I allow myself to go to that place. The place of the Divine where all is balanced, I understand that no words uttered from anyone can hurt me. No actions by someone are done to me. I understand that everything and everyone that comes into my life comes for my good. For me to decide who I am and who I am not. And from there who will be in my life and who will not. Energy is a very powerful thing. Not something to be taken lightly. Nor for granted. But to be treated with the utmost respect. Because energy is who we are, was and ever will be. It is a projection of who we really are on the inside and it is what either makes or breaks us in this world.

And whatever we utter about who we are, that’s who we become. We are as great as we believe we are. As capable as what we believe. As abundant as what we believe. And always, we are the energy we project.

People that talk behind our backs

Why is it that when we find out someone has spoken disparagingly about us that we take it so personally? Feel like the world is against us? Become paranoid about who is talking about us and why they are talking about us? Wonder how many others are talking about us? Allowing it to build and build until we become so paranoid that we feel like closing our hearts to everyone. Feeling like there is no one to trust.

Lately so many people are talking behind the backs of those who could be their best helpers. Their greatest supporters. Instead these people seem to think that by pulling someone else down, it means they look better. They believe that by talking badly about someone else, it deflects away from their own insecurities and shortcomings.

But what they fail to realize is by pulling others down, what they are doing is pulling themselves down. All of us down because we are a collective consciousness and what one does has a ripple effect on us all. Negative energy begets negative energy. It is like a little dust ball that gathers dust as it rolls down the hill. Growing with each bit of negative dust it collects. Until it becomes so large that it is hard to see beyond the darkness. Hard to know there is light outside of it. Because people becomes so embroiled in the darkness that they become it.

And then they wonder why they can’t get out. Why it feels like they are suffocating. Why they feel so small. And why they become so paranoid. Recently I have discovered that several people who I would have done anything for, have decided for some reason that they want to take from me in order to feel better about themselves. And because I am human, I took on that behavior. Feeling betrayed. Let down. Hurt. Learning about these betrayals I tried my hardest to be as tough as I could and not show the hurt. But hurt is something that can’t be suppressed. It is a very powerful feeling. A feeling that helps us to grow when we acknowledge it rather than suppress it. Because it teaches us something about ourselves.

And when we accept the hurt, feel it and listen to the why we are hurt, we are liberated from the darkness to understand the why. And what I discovered about these people that talk about me or anyone of us behind our backs, is they are really not talking about us. They are talking about themselves. They are trying to pull us down so they may rise. They are actually complimenting us by speaking our names, whether good or bad.

When we don’t matter, people don’t do anything to hurt us. They leave us alone. When we matter that’s when people speak our names.  And the very thing they are tearing us down for is the very thing they want. They desire for themselves. If they would only listen to their own words. Really hear them. Really feel where those words are coming from, they would understand that they are really crying out for help. And the very people they are trying to hurt are the ones they need to help them to learn. If they would sit back and contemplate what they are doing and why they are doing it, they would learn something about themselves and stop adding to the pestilence and mistrust that is growing like wildfire in our world.

They would see that each one of us is here for a reason. And that reason is to help each other. Not hurt each other. We are all of each other. Not against each other. And when we talk about another, we are talking about ourselves. Because how would we know what they are feeling unless we are projecting our own feelings onto them?

The simple answer to the taking of energy rather than spreading it is to remember there is enough in this world for us all. We don’t need to take from each other to gain for ourselves. Instead if we would share what we have, we would find we gain even more. Never less. Always more.

Harmony

There used to be a time when I hated Mondays. Sunday nights I would become agitated because I knew I had to start a whole new work week. A full week of schedules. Work. School. Lunches made for my children. Thinking about all that was negative rather than looking at the fact that I woke up on Monday morning. That I had a whole new week to be who I am meant to be. To explore who I am not. To spread love and light into the world from the love and light I receive so abundantly from the Universe.

So now when I feel that feeling of depravation coming over me on Monday mornings, I replace it with gratitude that I am here again. Ready to serve in the way I was sent here to serve. Ready to learn from everything and everyone that comes my way. Some experiences and people to remain in my life while are transitory. Here to teach then let go. But lessons learned with gratitude nonetheless.

Teaching me to change my perspective to say, wow, I have a new week beginning today. Another week to share what I have learned. To teach as much as I can from the trials and tribulations I experience. To gain as much as I can from life so I can live my life as fully as I possibly can.

And then I looked up and there in front of me is my best birthday present ever. My painting, Harmony, by Bear Cloud staring right back at me. Reminding me life is all about finding and achieving balance. Harmony. It is so wonderful to sit at my computer now and look up and see Harmony. Yin and Yang. Love and hate. Male and female. Teaching and learning. Acceptance and prejudiceness. Prisoners of our own minds and creators of our own minds.

So when I feel those feelings of too much to bear creeping up on me, I am reminded by my painting to inhale deeply and exhale slowly  because to every action and feeling there is an equal and opposite reaction and feeling. In everything there is harmony when we free ourselves from the limitations of our minds. When we allow ourselves to understand this too shall pass. This experience, no matter how trying, is here for a reason so I bless it then surrender it to the Universe. Then watch as it passes over me. Leading me to the other side of the mountain. Inhaling and exhaling the whole time.

So here’s to a new week of living and experiencing. A new beginning. A feeling of space. Of freedom. Of gratitude. And I no longer hate Mondays. Nor Sunday evenings. Because I know they are a necessary part of my growth. So here’s to another week everyone. A week of harmony, balance, love and light even in the face of our greatest darkness. Harmony. Namaste.

The Gift of Harmony from Bear Cloud

My 50^th birthday present from my husband finally arrived last night. Even though my birthday was in April. And the reason there was such a delay is because my present is a very special and unique painting done by a Native American artist, Bear Cloud, who resides in Sedona, Arizona.

My husband stumbled upon Bear Cloud’s art gallery while we were in Sedona and loved the art. Loved the feel of the gallery and knew it would be a place that I would love. So he took me there to see how I would react. I walked into the gallery and felt embraced by the light. A feeling of returning to a space I have always known came to me as I walked through the gallery.

Each painting depicting or evoking a memory of thoughts, visions and all knowingness I have known all my life but could never really articulate came through. I sat down in reverence and took in each painting. Each feeling that came to me and then my eye settled on two paintings. Two paintings that resonated the most with me.

But there was one that was calling my name. Speaking to me. I knew it was meant for me. It is a moody painting. Bear cloud paints outside the frame. His paintings depict the infinite nature of our Universe. His frame a continuation of his art rather than a barrier. The painting drew me in because no matter how dark it seemed at first, it is a painting full of light. Of life. Of symbolism. Of togetherness. Of Yin and Yang. It depicts a strong man as a part of the majestic mountain with his mirror image, an equally strong woman, reflecting back to him in the water.  It was the female image in the water that caught my eye.

I could feel her presence. His presence in me. I could feel a togetherness. Bear Cloud was not there but I wanted him there. To understand his painting. To feel his energy to see if we were connected as I thought. To see if his painting was as much as part of me as I felt. And as I was thinking this, in he walked. And the energy was definitely there between us. For he walked directly to me and hugged me. Our eyes locking and our energy reconnecting as if we were continuing on a journey we had embarked on before.

He explained the painting was called “Harmony” and this is the poem that accompanies it,

“In the lodge of the earth and sky

                In the water of the eagle nations

                                Sacred sound flowed with sacred heart.

The circle of the Grandfather and nations of the sky,

                The circle of the waters and nations of the Earth

                                Come together as one,

The Door of sacred vision opened

And divine perfection flowed

                                In the Harmony of all that exists.

                                A-ho- Two Eagles were as stars sitting

                                On the water of sacred breath.

                                                The bear and the eagle spiraled as one

                                                And harmony was the

                                                                Movement that sat in the wind.”

He said the two figures - the males and female when they “come together in a perfect way, whether it is the components of our internal matrix, or that of male and female or seeing a truth that expands the entire cosmos, it evokes universal principles. Within the painting is the God’s Eye. Its basic construction is two triangles base to base creating a diamond shape as does the male and female when the male figure in the top of the mountain has his hand pressed on the ground and in the painting shows a mirror image of his hands against hers pressed together. The top of their heads along with the tips of their fingers creates the four points needed to see the hidden image of the “God’s Eye.”

“When symbolic perfection  is found within our inner core to a point of pure harmony, it is said to create the abilities to see into the unseen worlds, to see beyond the normal and also opens the doors to move within it,. It is the ability to see into the vapors of the cosmos. It is a magical core that moves the universe.”

And that was why I was drawn to this painting and to Bear Cloud. And why my husband purchased Harmony for me for my 50^th birthday. Because I am beginning to understand there is much more to us than what we can see. Much more. And that is why the painting arrived day before yesterday because that was exactly the day my meditation took me to that place of the unseen, the unknown, the place of nothingness that is the all. The Universe is letting me know that the polaric existence of males and female express a construction that exists within all people and also encompasses the entire expanse of the Universe. Depicting in night and day, evil and purity, hate and love, male and female.

I am well on my journey to understanding the polaric nature of our existence. That which drives us to find balance, peace and harmony. And now I have that depiction through Bear Cloud’s magical and skillful art to remind me every single day of my life of the “Harmony” I am seeking. I am listening Universe. I am. And I am grateful for this Gift from my husband through your watchful eye by allowing me to have “Harmony” in my home. Namaste.

                

Sometimes we have to just stop

Lately I have been going nonstop. From one task to another. Sometimes not having time to even sleep very much because I am allowing myself to be pulled in so many different directions. Allowing myself to be overworked because I am not saying no. Last night I did not get to bed until 2.30 this morning. So really it was not even last night. It was this morning. Only to wake at 5.35 panicking because I had overslept by 35 minutes.

My eyes were barely open. My body shaking from sheer exhaustion. My reactions sometimes over the top because I am over exhausted. So I sat and meditated. Trying to calm my nerves and get my equilibrium back in order.

And during my meditation the scene of my family being together on our porch with our little girl rabbit Mysty came into my vision. And immediately the tenseness oozed out of my body and I could feel my whole being smile. Just seeing that vision of how we spent several hours of quality time together on our porch gave me the boost I needed to stop panicking.

And what I realized from this vision is sometimes I just need to stop. To take some time just to be. To do nothing but stare out in nature. And I got that feeling when I came home early from work. Not really early but on time from work and sat out on my porch with my family including our newest addition, our little girl rabbit, Mysty.

We sat and chatted while Mysty hopped from person to person seeking acknowledgment from each one of us. Wanting to be rubbed. Touched. And loved. She would stay by our sides for as long as she needed to feel our attention on her then she would move on. Spreading her sense of peace and love in her gentle silence.  Reminding each one of us about the power of silence. About the power of just being.

I was transported back to when I was gazing out over our property. At the bluebirds flying in and out. At the trees gently blowing in the breeze. At the vibrant colours of the flowers in the yard. At the clear blue sky. My vision reminding me that life is not meant to be constantly rushed about. Not meant to be so busy that we don’t take the time to enjoy all that we are and have in the present moment.

Life is meant to be sitting with my family. Enjoying their company. Enjoying our home together. Doing nothing sometimes but just being in each other’s space. Appreciating each other’s company as little Mysty was showing us by hopping from one of us to the other. Looking out together over all that we are and have with gratitude and grace.

As the evening wore on and the conversation grew thin and we all retreated into our own worlds, the sound of the silence became that much more gratifying. That much more connecting. My son drawing. My husband, daughter and I reading. Coexisting as individuals in our family group. With Mysty stretched out on the tile in the middle of us all, I felt a deep sense of peace and gratitude for taking the time to do nothing. To not feel guilty for leaving work behind and fully being present with my family.

So this morning when I woke up tired and irritated about the amount that I have waiting for me. The people waiting for decisions from me. The busyness that is awaiting me outside my door, I inhaled, released the panic I originally felt when I thought about the vision in my meditation. The vision of how I had spent such quality time with my family. How we had spent time together by being fully satisfied to be in each other’s presence. By knowing that sometimes it is okay to just be rather than to do.

Reminding myself that I am only one person and I can only do so much. And sometimes that means saying no and giving myself the time to recharge. This is the only way I will be able to be fully present in my life and be able to offer all I can. Doing nothing is sometimes the best gift we can give ourselves. Because in that nothingness we fully connect with the All. Recharging us.m Refueling us. Namaste.

Sometimes when I meditate

Sometimes when I meditate I go to a place far, far away where there is no beginning nor end. Where there is nothing but white light and my thought and the thoughts of the Universe all mingling together. So much so that I hear nothing but silence. And in that silence a clear vision of the Nothingness that represents the All. And I get such a feeling of appreciation, love, abundance and awe. I understand that I am an important part of the whole as are we all when I surrender and allow myself to connect back to the Source. To the all knowing. To the place where there is no beginning nor end.

Sometimes I get so lost in the nothingness that is the all that I lose track of time because in this place there is no sense of time. Sometimes I feel like I am being lifted up out of my physical being and transported to a place where there is no dimension, no defined place. It just is. And in this state, I touch the All Knowing. The field of possibility. The Source of us all. And I feel such gratitude. Such amplitude. Such love and light flow through me.

I allow myself to dwell l in this place for as long as I am humanly capable of remaining. Because once I think too much about where I am, before I know it, I am transported back into my human limited form. My physical being. Once again defined by dimension that does not exist in the All Knowing,. The place where there is no beginning nor end. The place of the One Source. The All. The Whole. The place of the White Light.

This morning I experienced this beautiful place and unlimited space when I found myself in my meditation soaring off the side of a cliff. Floating. Being carried to the One  Source. Being given the privilege of experiencing all that was, is and ever will be. Being shown that no matter what happens, has happened and will happen, it is all a part of the Divine Plan. Of which I am a part. Of which I have always been a part, and always will be a part. Allowing me to understand every action has a knock on effect because we are all a part of the Whole. A part of the All Knowing. The White Light. The One Source.

And I came out of my meditation this morning feeling tremendous heat. Feeling tremendous possibility. Sensing there is no need to worry. Because all is as it is meant to be. Feeling tremendously grateful for all that I am, was and ever will be for so shall it be said, so shall it be done. I am a part of the Whole. A part of the One Source. A part of each one of us because we are all one. All united in our common beginning and end because we and it are all one in the same.

And for this glimpse into who I am and was and ever will be, I am truly grateful. With love and light and peace and blessing I accept,Thy will be done. Namaste.

When we have faith

When we have faith in the Universe, things unfold as they should.

When we have patience with the Universe, things unfold as they are meant to

When we surrender all to the Universe, the Universe surrenders all to us

When we express gratitude to the Universe, the Universe responds in kind

By opening doors

Leading us to the path meant just for us

Guiding us through our darkest night

When we smile at where we are in life

Truly smile and feel joy and abandon

The Universe responds in kind

By lifting our spirits

And filling us with incredible peace

And possibility

Reminding us

Life is what we make it

What we believe

What we go for in earnest

What feels right to us on the inside

Not the outside

Life is all about taking chances

Putting ourselves out there

When it feels right

Only when it feels right for us

Not others

And working toward our dreams

Our dreams alone

No one else’s

Then surrendering all to the Universe

And watching

And waiting

Until we get that all knowing feeling

That feeling that rises from our toes to our heads

And then tingles through our bodies

Beings

Minds

And souls

Alighting us

Fueling us

That feeling that tell us

This is right

This feel good

This resonates with our souls

When our whole bodies

Minds and souls

Feel like they have been filled to the brim

With all that was, is and ever will be

Giving us the will and ability to be

Accepting of love

Abundance

Allowing the warmth to rush through us

Fill us with love and light

That’s when we know

We have been shown the Grace of the Divine

Been given the Light of the Universe

Been Blessed for following

And taking heed of the All Knowing

Because we have learned

That when we have faith

Everything works out as it should

When we have patience

Everything works out as it is meant to

When we show gratitude to the Universe,

The Universe responds in kind

By bestowing upon us

Abundance

Gratitude

Grace

And the gifts and treasures

So freely

Available to us all

When we surrender to the All Knowing

The All Knowing surrenders to us

And for this blessing and remembrance

I am truly grateful

May I have faith

Patience and gratitude

Today and all the days I am meant to

So I too may be opened to the gifts and treasures

And abundance of the Universe

so freely available to us all

Namaste

Right here. Right now. Grounded.

Sometimes we spend so much time trying to get over there that we forget to touch base with here. With right where we are - right now. When we spend all of our time trying to get over there, we lose sight of the obvious that is right in front of us. We fail to see the doors that open for us. The paths that clear for us. Because we are too busy worrying about being over there that we neglect what’s here right now.

We are here right now because that’s where we asked to be. Chose to be. Wanted to be. Needed to be. And when we neglect here right now we can never get to over there. Because the only way we can get over there is by being fully present right here right now.

We are in the place we are meant to be to learn more about who we are. To learn more about what makes us want to wake up in the morning. What drives us to be as we are. And when we do not stop to be fully present in the here right now, we lose sight of our presence. Of who we are. Of what we are capable of achieving.  So we end up searching constantly for the obvious that is right here. Right now. In front of us.

So I am telling myself instead of projecting over there to be fully present right here right now. To close my eyes when I feel drawn over there and ask myself to surrender. To surrender to all that is here for me to enjoy right now. For the blessings that come into my present moment every single time I express gratitude for all that I am right here right now.

And when I take the time to be fully present right here right now I realize there is no over there. Over there is outside of me. Right here right now is inside of me.  Allowing myself to accept I am right here right now because that’s where I asked to be. Chose to be. Need to be. Giving me the scope and freedom to feel pure joy because I am satisfied that right here right now I have everything I need. I have all that I was sent here to be. Asked to come here to be.

Right here. Right now. I have all the power and fortune I need. Right here. Right now. Because right here right now is inside of me. Is where I am meant to be. And for right here right now I am truly and utterly grateful. Grounded in this present moment with love and light, peace and blessings. Right here. Right now. Namaste.

The unexpected gifts of the dream stealers

Some people are really sent to try us. To irritate us to no end. To make us question whether we are on the right track or if we need to backtrack. And what we determine about these people is that they come because they are seeking something that we have but can’t admit it. So they try to make us second guess ourselves. They try to steal our dreams. Try to make us lose self confidence.

But what we have to come to realize is there is a part of us that is allowing them in. Allowing them to chip away at our self confidence. Allowing them to destroy our dreams because there is no one that can sabotage us unless we allow them in.  Remembering always that nothing happens to us. Rather everything happens for us. And when we get that message, those people and their steady attempts to derail us will disappear into thin air. Because we realize that’s what they are - thin air. Illusions of our shadows selves.

Thin air desperate to be in the spot light. Thin air trying desperately to deflect away from their own shortcomings. But in doing all the things they do to us in an attempt to make us weaker, if we are honest enough, willing enough to confront our own demons as a result of their actions, we soon realize what they are doing will ultimately make us stronger. Bring us closer to our essence selves via their short cut trials. Because their actions allow us the ability to examine the places we are allowing them in. To come face to face with the insecurities allowing cracks to appear to let them into our minds. To our dreams.  Dream stealers I call them.

But when we step back and observe them from a place deep within ourselves, what we realize is these dream stealers are actually gifts to us. Hard as it is to admit, they help to free us from our own self limitations. From our own traits that will eventually  pull us down.  These people help to liberate us from our own self sabotage by helping us to face our own demons. Much quicker than we would have had they not come to challenge us. And when they keep coming over and over again. Relentlessly as we keep getting stronger and stronger. No longer as fazed by their attempts, they become stronger in their actions. Desperately trying to gain control over our minds again. Refusing to let go of the grip they think they have over us.

It’s then that we need to surrender to their attempts. Surrender them back to the Universe by thanking them for helping us to see who we and who we are not. Thanking them silently in our minds by giving ourselves permission to move on to the next step in our growth.

Learning always, those that criticize the loudest do so because they are so afraid of self examination that they need someone else to blame for where they are in their lives. People who continuously find fault in others are often seeing their own faults magnified to the nth degree. Whereas people who compliment and encourage do so from a place within that allows them to know there is more than enough to go around in this world. They know they don’t have to lie, cheat and sabotage others in order for them to gain.

When we share rather than take, we grow that much more. Enabling the pot of gold to grow because we understand when just one person gains, we allow more abundance in the world. Which in turn, ultimately allows that much more for everyone including us. 

And sometimes we only receive the gifts of abundance in the most unexpected way. From the very dream stealers who think they are derailing us when in essence they are freeing us. Liberating us to be even more compassionate, strong and capable of becoming our dreams with love and light. From their lesson we are taught we are the controllers of our destiny through what we believe and who we are. Not who they wish us to be. Pushing us to be more of who we are. Less of who we are not.